| ShortSummary
| - First installment of "Who's attacking me now?" with the Humane Society in response to Stephen encouraging people to hunt bears; Part ten of "Better Know a District" with Rep. Eliot Engel of New York's 17th Congressional District, in which Colbert stuffs his face with breadsticks, repeatedly assumes Engel has accepted money from Jack Abramoff, and combs Engel's moustache.
- Hamas tops the Threat Down for "forming an alliance with bears" in a television show with which they are connected; after reading a study showing that a TV in the bedroom cuts frequency of sex in half, Colbert feels bad and makes it up to the viewers by reporting on the new Medicare Part D with the lights low and with lots of seductive innuendo. The gold fiddle in the episode is a reference to the Charlie Daniels song "The Devil Went Down to Georgia" and the Futurama episode "Hell Is Other Robots."
- Part nine of "Better Know a District" with Rep. Steve Rothman of New Jersey's 9th District; Michael Adams gets a phone call from Colbert, who accepts an apology.
- Russ Lieber accuses Colbert of never having been in the Marine Corps; first advertisement for the Colbert Cruise.
- Colbert debates President Bush's warrantless domestic spying program on Formidable Opponent; he catwalks as a model for Stephen Colbert's Scorn to welcome fashion writer Givhan; he apologizes to Hamas for falsely claiming they associate with the world's number one threat bears.
- The Threat Down: dads; robots; Virginia governor Mark Warner; bears; and the Associated Press; Stephen places a piggy bank stuffed with one US dollar as a commitment to financing the war in Iraq.
- A Colbert Report Special Report: The De-Edumacation of the American Brainscape
- Colbert calls for a boycott of James Frey for upsetting Oprah Winfrey. Colbert celebrates the discussion of "truthiness" by Oprah and Frank Rich on her show, and by the hosts of Nightline. Colbert switched to the second Wørd "Unscripted" as he emulated George W. Bush's recent spate of casual appearances and launched into an "unscripted" question-and-answer session with the audience, which happened to feature an African-American, female, U.S. Marine and an Iraqi Kurd profusely thanking Colbert and exclaiming the greatness of America; "Tip of the Hat, Wag of the Finger" included a tip of the hat to paleontologists who discovered the fossil remains of effigia okeeffeae, an ancestor to crocodiles, for disproving the "Darwinlutionists" who tried to claim that every kind of creature had evolved from monkeys; also a wag of the finger to the same paleontologists, who named the extinct species after Georgia O'Keeffe, whose painting scares the hell out of Colbert, instead of after Edwin H. Colbert, who originally found the fossils.
- Stephen shows footage of his "appearance" on Late Night with Conan O'Brien, in which he is shot in the chest by O'Brien during a heated exchange about Rosa Parks; Stephen shows a clip from "Stephen Colbert's Hiphopketball: A Jazzebration". Michael Adams is put on notice and AP writer Heather Clark is declared "dead to me" for neglecting to acknowledge Colbert as the originator of truthiness.
- Stephen congratulates Steven Van Zandt for the E Street Band being taken off notice; first appearance of Stephen Colbert's Balls for Kidz.
- Colbert takes credit for Stephen Harper's victory in the Canadian federal election ; part eleven of "Better Know a District" with Rep. Bill Pascrell of New Jersey's 8th District.
- Tip of the Hat, Wag of the Finger: wag of the finger to Oregon for its physician-assisted suicide law, tip of the hat to the U.S. Supreme Court for upholding the law, so there will be fewer of those hippies from Oregon, "California's Canada." Second appearance of Wilford Brimley.
- Colbert listens to the State of the Union address while doing the show; first appearance of "The Craziest F#?king Thing I've Ever Heard." Colbert introduces his version of "what you need to know" news and mispronounces Senator Ted Stevens as Ted Williams, then laughs and says wish I could see it.
- Movies that are Destroying America: Colbert condemns Walk the Line and Pride and Prejudice, but says, though he hasn't seen it yet, Transamerica must be a great movie, because it has "America" right in the title, and whether you're a man or a woman, it seems to have something for everyone; Homage to Martin Luther King, Jr.'s "I Have a Dream" speech, with a speech entitled "I Have a Dreamsicle," delivered in between taking bites of a dreamsicle, until he is suddenly stopped by brainfreeze, places unfinished Dreamsicle on bookshelf.
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| IntroPhrase
| - "Call me Fraulein Maria because the hills are alive with the sound of Truth."
- "Hey America, Nice Ass!"
- "I got 99 problems, but the Truth ain't one."
- "I'm only going to say this once. "
- "Let's change the world! But not the channel!"
- "Stephen Colbert is Cool."
- "The Truth hurts; fortunately for America, I'm a masochist."
- "Pucker up America, because I'm going to kiss and tell... the Truth."
- "I hope you brought a well-sharpened number Truth pencil."
- "There's a hole in every man the size of the Truth and I'm gonna jam it in there."
- "If beauty be Truth and Truth beauty, then I look fabulous tonight."
- "America, be amazed as I bend this spoon by using the power of my hand."
- "I scream, you scream, we all scream for the Truth."
- "I got my mojo working, mojo of course is what I call my assistant Monica Johnson."
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