In the beginning, there was God. Then there were hamsters. God looked down on his creation of the hamster, and he was not pleased. So he created a new creature to justify his previous failure, a creature that was better than the hamster in every possible aspect. He called this creature the gerbil, and he was very pleased. This article will explore the nature of the gerbil, and how it has remained steadfastly better than the hamster throughout many centuries.