| abstract | - The JAP (Fitch) is a jobless womanlike primate of the family Judea. The JAP is found in the hills and valleys of suburban America from Long Island to Marlboro, Norristown to Greenwich in the Kleinberg abyss in the east to Northridge, Santa Monica, Laguna Niguel and Huntington Beach in the west. They are, depending on the authority, one or two species (F. yenta) and several varieties. Generally recognized forms include the boxie ditzy JAP (F. hollisterus cluelesis); the incredibly conceited JAP (F. hollisterus brendas); and the hella-ugly JAP (F. aeropostalis). Individuals vary considerably in makeup, natural eye color, and degree of JAPPY-ness, but in general the JAP is an affluent, high-maintenance female with manicured nails, sweatshop-made outfits, and a series of flashy, curving patterns sewn onto the pants’ buttocks—designed to attract male JAPs hornier than (and including) Ron Jeremy—though these often fail and attract those useless sub-JAPs. JAPs differ from the valley girl in being whinier and in having dark brown hair and no sense of others’ privacy.
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