| abstract | - STEPHEN ANNOUNCED TWO DAYS BEFORE YESTERDAY, October 16th, THAT HE IS GOING TO RUN FOR PRESIDENT! %$#! YEAH! Many people have encouraged Stephen Colbert to run for president of the United States of America. A website, www.colbertocrat.com has been one of the groups to start the revolution. The People of Hungary believe that if a man can get a bridge named after him in their country, he certainly deserves a lowly honor such as being elected President. They endorse Dr. Colbert for President, but don't understand why we have to wait until 2008. A fine specimen of manhood, Colbert would easily woo lady voters. The male populace may be a more difficult sell... however with Stephen's chiseled form, cut abs, and overwhelmingly powerful biceps (most notably showcased when he is in disguise as Tek Jansen), he would easily be able to bully most men into voting booths to check the box marked "Colbert." If all of these plans failed, he could always just "manipulate" the electronic votes to work in his favor. Hey, it may or may not have worked in the past - why not give technology a chance? Colbert is running on a platform that is long on wood but short on fasteners. He does promise to look into the possibility of perhaps creating a constitutional amendment making Mondays a national holiday. On Thursday, November 1st, 2007, the communist party of South Carolina decided on a 13-3 vote that Colbert would not be put on the South Carolinian ballot. Riots and mass slaughter ensued.
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