| abstract | - Carl Robot: Grr, this...song...makes...me...so...m--mad. Carl: (sighs and tries to turn off the robot) Carl Robot: This...song...m-makes me want to hurt myself and--- Carl: (turns off the robot) I always have to do everything...(sighs) So much for that bright idea. Carl: You know what I like to do after a long week of bashing people more successful than me? I hit the club! ("Summer Belongs to You" starts playing) Carl: I go get my drink on, poppin' bottles in the VIP, take some shots, hit on...fly...honeys.....Yeah, you should have seen me the last time I went to the club! The club couldn't even handle me! (shows a clip of Baljeet singing "Club Can't Handle Me")....The club literally could not handle me because I didn't meet the dress code, so I was not allowed in.......this is a true story. Jenny: Popping bottles in the ice, like a blizzard.... Carl: Okay, maybe clubbing isn't my thing, and I'm not against all dance music or partying, but (bleep) pop music nowadays. The club dance songs that we've gotten in the past few years have been downright aggressive. I feel like I have to fight for my right NOT to party. But thankfully, I think that we might finally be moving on, especially since earlier in the year, people like Ferb and Vanessa have made wonderful songs. I see movement, I see progress, and it's not about the fact that they are critically acclaimed artists, it's not even a fact that I LIKE those artists. It's just something else. ANYTHING ELSE! Carl: But even if I'm right, this trend is not dead yet. Isabella: Tonight we're gonna get on the floor, la, la, la, la, la... Carl: We're still getting clubbed over the head by hit songs about the club. Coltrane: From the window, to the wall.... Carl: And just like any dying trend, the last people jumping on the bandwagon are usually the lamest. Carl: So....let's talk about ROTFL. Irving and Albert: (rapping) When I step on the scene, y'all know me.... Carl: Yes, their group name is ROTFL, one of those names that have to rank up there with FBNLR or IKWWGDT. Buford: (screaming/rapping) ROTFL! YOU KNOW US! Carl: Now I've been aware for a while that these guys existed. They've been floating underneath the top 40 for a while, but thankfully, they never had that big crossover hit because all their songs are skin-crawling repulsive garbage. Irving and Albert: The ladies love us, when we pour shots, they need an excuse to (words are censored out) Carl: The fact that they even got signed at all is pretty (bleep) hard to explain until I found out this little fact. They are brothers, and both descendants of Bobbi Fabulous, one of the members of Love Handel (a picture of Love Handel pop up) Yes, that Love Handel. Carl: ROTFL are not good. Really, like, not good. (screen shows Irving and Albert surrounded by a group of girls and dancing badly) I don't know if these guys are trying to do this (bleep) ironically or if this is sincere and they're just bad at it. But either way, it's painful. Irving and Albert: Party rock is in the house tonight, everybody just have a good time.... Carl: I'm trying to be fair here. This isn't exactly the worst song I've ever heard. It's catchy, it sticks in the brain, I wouldn't call it offensive. But I'll tell you, I was sick of "Party Rock Anthem" in record time. I know that it's just shallow party music but it should at least be GOOD shallow party music. Irving: Party rock! Albert: In the club, party rock.... Irving and Albert: Everybody just have a good time... Carl: This song is commanding me to have a good time, but all it makes me want to do is stay home and sleep all day. I don't why there are so many (bleep) songs about the club, but when I go to the club, they're playing (bleep) music like this. Carl: Yes, in case you missed it, they do shout "party rock" in their song "Party Rock Anthem". Their first single from their album "Sorry For Party Rocking". Not to be confused with their song of the same name. Or for that matter, their first album "Party Rock". They have a bit of a one-track mind is what I'm saying. Carl: I guess this song became popular because of the music video. It starts out with Irving and Albert just waking up from a coma because of....party rocking (facepalm). They go outside and see that the world is completely empty. They see one person dancing, but they don't get what's going on. (screen shows Jeremy dancing) Irving: (to Jeremy) Hey, what are you doing? Django: (tackles Irving and Albert and pulls them behind a car) What the (bleep) is wrong with you? Are you insane!? Carl: Fortunately, some guy tells them the deal. Django: Ever since that song came out, everyday, everyone's been shuffling. (screen shows the P&F cast wearing bright, tacky hipster clothes and dancing) Carl: Basically, their new song has caused everyone in the world to turn into mindless dancing zombies in bad outfits. Carl: They don't really resolve the problem with the mindless zombies. The video kinda just ends. They dance around with some guy and some chick that might be Candace Flynn, I'm not sure. I don't know if they got taken over by the zombies, or if they became the overlords of the zombies and forced them to wear ugly-(bleep) clothing. By the way, you can buy all of these outfits at......(sighs).....partyrockclothing.com. If these guys had much more of a limited vocabulary, they'd be Meap. Meap: Meap. Albert: Everyday I'm shufflin'. Carl: This is exactly the problem. These guys aren't just bad rappers, they're bad rappers whose inspiration was other bad rappers. Albert: Everyday I'm shuf-ful-ful-lin'. Carl: That's lifted from "Hustlin'" by Baljeet Rai. Baljeet: Everyday I'm hustlin', hustlin, hustlin... Carl: Baljeet is a weird nerdy B-lister who likes to pretend that he can get money and pick up chicks, but all he's really good at is picking up bad lyrics. Baljeet: (rapping) I'm into distribution, I'm like Atlantis, I got them pretty things flyin' 'cross the Atlantic.... Carl: Everyday I'm sufferin'....(facepalm) Albert: (rapping) I run into these (bleep)s like Drano... Carl:........ Albert: I run into these (bleep)s like Drano... Carl: EW! And I thought Stacy's Jack Daniels toothpaste was disgusting. Do these idiots realize what they just said? Need I remind you, this is what happens when someone runs into (bleep)s like Drano. Isabella: ....corn nuts... (crashes into a mirror. The mirror breaks and Isabella falls to the floor) Carl: Does this song tell me to "put my hands up" like every other club song does? Candace: Get up, get down, put your hands up to the sun... Carl: Why am I even surprised? Why bother writing lyrics. Why not play the "put your hands up" part on loop? Candace: Get up, get down, put your hands up to the sun, put your hands up to the sun, put your hands up to the sun, get up, get up, get up, get up... Carl: I DIDN'T MEAN THAT! Carl: These guys have so few lyrical skills that I'm not surprised that the chorus has no lyrics. (the part where the music plays starts playing) Carl: The glitchy keyboard line here is the real chorus of the song. Yes, these guys are so bad at words that their only hit has a chorus that could be sung by Meap. Meap: Meapmeapmeapmeap meap meap meapmeapmeap meap meap meap meap.... Carl: I find this to be a sad backwash of a song. Irving: (rapping) Stop! Hatin' is bad. Carl: No! I have a point to make here and it's that this song is--- Irving: Stop! Hatin' is bad. Carl: Listen to me! I'm just trying to tell you that--- Irving: Stop! Hatin' is bad. Carl:......Actually, you know what? You're right. Maybe I should stop hating. This song isn't hurting anyone. I guess I could give it a try, but I better not turn into an idiot! Carl: (in a weak voice) This song is.....dancey.....it's....original......there are more things to worry about than a silly dance song....I guess I could get behind....(starts fading away) Aaaaaaaah! What's happening!? I HATE THIS SONG! I HATE THIS SONG! I hate Irving and Albert! I want to kill them and their family! Make it stop! (turns back to normal). Never trying that experiment again. Carl: ROTFL are so boring. All the bad clothing in the world isn't going to make these guys interesting. These guys make Ferb from PFSC have a personality, and they don't even let that guy rap anymore! Carl: I'm not sure if I'm angry at this song or at this trend in general. Maybe in ten years when this trend is dead, I'll come back to this song and it'll sound amazing. But not right now. This trend just needs to end. There is no way that I'm ever listening to this music again. (the beginning notes of "Party Rock Anthem" start playing) Carl:....Oh god......what's this feeling inside me?......Could it be that the catchy beat is making me dance? Taking over my mind? Forcing me to shuffle everyday for the rest of my life!? (burps) No, that was indigestion. Oh well. (episode ends)
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