| abstract | - In 1975, the Soviet Union's KGB organized a coup to oust the pro-American governing body in the town. They installed a communist government and incorporated Maplewood as an SSR. During the coup, President Gerald Ford sent Marines to evacuate all remaining sensible people from the town instead of bombing the pro-Soviet forces, because Gerald Ford was a fucking pussy. When the Soviet Union collapsed in 1992, Maplewood SSR didn't get the memo, and continues to operate as an SSR to this day. In 2015, everyone began freaking out about what would be built on the site of the former post office in the heart of Maplewood SSR's village. Preservationists wanted to limit development on the site in order to retain the character of Maplewood Village (see "Economy"), but the greedy Maplewood Politburo (see "Government") had other ideas. They threw the preservationists in a gulag and began constructing a mixed use building. In March 2016, violent clashes erupted in the center of town between militant feminist supporters of Hillary Clinton and pro-Bernie Sanders socialist militias. The Maplewood Politburo deployed members of the Rainbow Guard (see "Public Safety") to break up the clashes. The Rainbow Guard made everyone involved take a yoga class and meditate. On November 9, 2016, chaos broke out in Maplewood SSR in response to the election of Donald Trump as President of the United States. Residents began shaking uncontrollably, voided their bowels, entered catatonic states and ugly cried for days. Many residents could not believe that Hillary Clinton, a scandal-tarred, unrelatable candidate who talked about transgender bathrooms when most Americans were most concerned about the economy and who didn't campaign in critical swing states like Michigan or Wisconsin could lose a presidential election.
|
