| rdfs:comment | - Wonka: Why so glum, Critic? NC (sighing): It's this "Hyper Fangirl" from the last review. She asked me out on a date, I said, "no", and now she's doing that Facebook thing where she writes down these very vague, miserable messages, but then asks people not to ask her about it. Fangirl: My life is Hell... don't ask why. NC: 2 minutes later... Fangirl: There is no hope for humanity... don't ask why! NC: 1 minute later... Fangirl: I am the saddest and loneliest person who has no friends to ask her about her problems... DON'T ASK WHY!!!!!! Wonka: Well, why don't you just un-friend her? NC: Hello?
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| abstract | - Wonka: Why so glum, Critic? NC (sighing): It's this "Hyper Fangirl" from the last review. She asked me out on a date, I said, "no", and now she's doing that Facebook thing where she writes down these very vague, miserable messages, but then asks people not to ask her about it. Fangirl: My life is Hell... don't ask why. NC: 2 minutes later... Fangirl: There is no hope for humanity... don't ask why! NC: 1 minute later... Fangirl: I am the saddest and loneliest person who has no friends to ask her about her problems... DON'T ASK WHY!!!!!! Wonka: Well, why don't you just un-friend her? NC: I can't do that, she's a fan! That means somewhere in there, there's a glimmer of brilliance trying to get out. Wonka: Hmm, well, as a popular holdover from the last review, I recommend either compromise, or caramelizing her until her insides are stretchy and sweet. NC: (sighing): Well, maybe there's something to be said about--WHAT?!......Maybe there's something to be said about compromising. I'm gonna contact her, you...don't destroy anything. Wonka (before leaving): I make no promises. Fangirl: You are a whiny and pathetic little loser...DON'T ASK WHY!!!!!!!! NC: Hello? Fangirl (gasping): Is that you, my hipster love? NC: I'M NOT A HIPSTE- ...Second, I'm doing an Old vs. New of the Spider-Man movies. I heard you were a Spider-Man fan. Fangirl: I may have dabbled. NC (voiceover): Both movie series were a huge hit, bringing in a brand new audience to enjoy the web-slinging Spider-Man himself. But as you would expect, audiences seem to be very split on which series is actually the better Spider-Man series. Which one had the better story? Which one had the better action? Which one had the better villains? And, of course, which one had the better Spider-Man? NC: I would invite you along to be a part of it, but we all know the new Spider-Man films are better, so I guess there's no purpose to-- Fangirl: Whoa, whoa, wait a minute! The new ones aren't better. The old ones blow the new ones out of the water. NC: Oh, come on! With "Teary" Maguire? Fangirl: Oh, I'm sorry. He did overstay his welcome, like that whopping 2 minutes of the Rhino. NC: Maybe there is a bit to talk about with these Spider-Man movies. What do you say we go over it together as friends, and no getting super-obsessed over anything, got it? Fangirl (now dressed as Spider-Man): Like you need to ask. NC (sighing): Well, no use in delaying the battle. This is Fan vs. Fan in the newly restored Old vs. New. NC: Now keep in mind, this is all opinion-based and naturally, there's gonna be a ton of spoilers. Also, keep in mind that we're gonna move the order around a little bit. Seeing how the name of the movie is "Spider-Man", it only makes sense to judge Spider-Man last. Fangirl: Less talk, more Spider. NC (sighing): With that said, let's take a look at "Story" first.
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