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| rdfs:comment | - Paul Dacre became editor of the Daily Mail in 1893, three years before the paper was first published. Aside from a brief sojourn spent fighting communistic, black, leprous, lesbian gypsy immigrants in North London during the so-called Blair Wars (1997-present), Dacre has ruled over the newspaper throughout its history. A brief uprising against him by unknown perpetrators in 1976 was quelled using a counter-terrorism team consisting of re-animated SS members, Dementors and the Uruk-hai.
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| abstract | - Paul Dacre became editor of the Daily Mail in 1893, three years before the paper was first published. Aside from a brief sojourn spent fighting communistic, black, leprous, lesbian gypsy immigrants in North London during the so-called Blair Wars (1997-present), Dacre has ruled over the newspaper throughout its history. A brief uprising against him by unknown perpetrators in 1976 was quelled using a counter-terrorism team consisting of re-animated SS members, Dementors and the Uruk-hai. Killed for the third and final time in 2001, Dacre currently presides over the Associated Newspapers empire from the wastepaper basket where his pus-filled heart rests in its jar of black bile, kept beating via the darkest necromantic sorcery. Dacre has also had people round to house to dig him a bunker in case Hugh Grant acquires military weapons to take revenge on 'the Beast' for allegedly hacking into his love life.
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