| abstract | - Readers should note that Loch Bervie does not exist so maybe this means that KLB (KinLochBervie) does not actually exist either and is a figment of your imagination and is the basis for the Brigadoon story. In 2001 the population was 24 and the area's main industry is running tourists off of single track roads with large fridges disguised as articulated fish lorries and plundering the wreckages on the roadsides. The only reason people visit KLB is because locals from surrounding villages (such as Scourie and Durness) are expelled from school in Golspie or because tourists took the wrong turn to Sandwood Bay, a beach about a three years walk north. The locals are referred to as smokies as their love of smoking fish is second to none and the village was built on smoking trout. People are known to keep fish smokers in the garage and every two weeks people have a smoke off, tuna and trout being the favourite fish. Law was last seen on 12th December 1867 as the town has no police station, although the promotion of vigilante groups by Highland Council appears to be working quite well. Northern Constabulary had "a plan so sneaky you could call it a weasel" however, as you now can't reach KLB without driving past the police station at Rhiconich, meaning KLB has the highest drink driving to crimes ratio in Europe. Because of this, the area is well known for it's regional Driving Test, where the driver is asked how many lanes the road has. If he (females are not permitted to drive in the Highlands) answers two, then he's arrested for seeing double. However, PC David Inglis was recently replaced by the new bobbie Ian Sutherland after he was also tragically killed visiting the scene of the crime where two German tourists were also flattened by the same fish lorry that got him just outside of Achfary. Drink driving is seen as being a necessity rather than a crime by some people - too lazy to walk to the pub or arrange a driver.
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