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| rdfs:label | - Uncyclopedia:Pee Review/Ōkami
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| rdfs:comment | - 13:27, September 20, 2011 (UTC) Sorry for the wait, Cat, I started doing it in my userspace, give me like 5 days. I'll go in-depth at least. :D 03:48, November 8, 2011 (UTC)
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| Mcomment | - Pretty much how I would rate the article so far, but you can improve it!
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| Pcomment | - This is really an aspect where the article could use improvements. I must say that I am no prose or grammar genius myself, so it is likely that there are some typos left after my proofreading session. I also did some small tweaks myself, but some spots are very confusing, taking away from the humor. I'll try to point out those spots here. Also, I always say in my Pee Review that it would be useful to have a synonym dictionary at hand on another app, I always have when I write and it helps me a lot.
First, I don't understand why there are so much italicized words in the article. Did you want to put an emphasis on those? It's kinda confusing.
Here are some passages that could use a bit of a rework, sometimes it just feels like you could split the sentence in two:
"be the first japanese game where is other gods than, well, God.": I tried to tweak that one, but I just didn't know what you meant to say there, I feel a word is missing.
"The elf, Issun, is stealing your painting techniques to become a great enough artist to even be able to draw a good picture of you, that it might even restore the faith that the people have in you, and reminding them who you really are as it turns out.": It reads like running a cerebral marathon. Could be split in 2 easily.
"Blockhead family has completely 4 brothers, all stucked somewhere on your way, by some weird miracle." LOLWUT??? Clarification please!
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| Ccomment | - I must say, I didn't know what Okami was before reading the article, and now well... I'm not too sure I know either! XD Is it intentionally confusing? I think somewhere along the beginning of the article, you should try to make it a bit clearer. Overall, the concept has promises though, and your idea of showing how crazy the game is and exagerating it is a good one.
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| Fcomment | - I hope that helped and you didn't find me to be a whiner too much! Take your time to work on the article and I am quite sure you can come up with a pretty funny piece, you had the right instinct in imaginating the concept in my view. You can do it soldier! Feel free to ask me for help or precisions on my talk page or if you want a can of tuna or something! Since you're a cat and all.
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| abstract | - 13:27, September 20, 2011 (UTC) Sorry for the wait, Cat, I started doing it in my userspace, give me like 5 days. I'll go in-depth at least. :D 03:48, November 8, 2011 (UTC)
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