| abstract | - Sometimes she's a Blood Deity worshipped by Ancient Glamazonians, sometimes she's a horrible drunk, sometimes she's just Shakre. Shakre Kanf (full name Shakre Kanf) is an ancient entitty older than time itself, she can prove it because she went to Time's baby shower. She therefore (doesn't) hold(s) Ancient (any) knowledge and is revered for her cunning wit and excellent thinking skills (don't believe her lies) as well as her unthinkable amount of physical prowess (okay that part is true.) Shakre was born on the night of December 29th, before time itself! To the tune of two Adams (they're like Atoms with more personality) colliding with each other, and then they looked over and saw Shakre chillin' in the middle of a swimming pool filled with dark matter. I guess. After being born Shakre named herself after punching herself in the solar plexus, and uttering the first things that came to her mind, it was just her gasping and choking so she named herself Shakre Kanf. After about a few Septillion years of waiting, and a kick-ass baby shower. Shakre decided she wanted to exist, and thus she did. She used her plot resolving powers to shoot herself out of a canon and into the cannon of Neo Scary Godmother. Shakre landed too early though, in the year 90 B.C, where a bunch of beefed up men and women, known as the Glamazonians, recognized her as the beefiest and buffiest, and so worshiped her as a deity, which was cool for a while until she accidentally'd them into extinction, where the last Glamazonian used her only weakness to lock her into a block of blood shaped like a door shaped door. Then died of a cold. After being awoken in the year 1977, by explorer Renaldo Hume's blood, Shakre wondered the South American country side for around 40 years, killing and eating people whom she didn't deem white enough, but no one cared because the new Star Wars came out, until the year 2015, when she found her way past the Trump Wall, into the U S of A. Still killing and eating, people still not caring because the new Star Wars came out. Until she found her way into Fright Side, IL, the first place she truly felt at home since the Glamazonians, where everyone was an asshole who beat up people who are smaller than them, and since Shakre was the biggerest person she's ever seen, she decided it was a good place for her to call home. Shakre then met Spilled Ketchup and Farley Sweet, and after using a cunning plan involving an Eco-Friendly Shopping Bag that cost 7.99, where she officially become a member of Neo Scary Godmother.
|
