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| rdfs:comment | - From what little is known about the formula for Zoloft, scientists believe the drug works on the anger and crapping centers of the brain. Depressed patients who would otherwise lie in bed will suddenly find themselves needing to take a supreme dump, at which point they will either shit the bed (diagnosis: failure) or get to the toilet bowl (diagnosis: success). The drug also calms the anger center of the brain by washing its synapses in serotonin and chlorine, making those who take Zoloft very tranquil and cholera-free.
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| abstract | - From what little is known about the formula for Zoloft, scientists believe the drug works on the anger and crapping centers of the brain. Depressed patients who would otherwise lie in bed will suddenly find themselves needing to take a supreme dump, at which point they will either shit the bed (diagnosis: failure) or get to the toilet bowl (diagnosis: success). The drug also calms the anger center of the brain by washing its synapses in serotonin and chlorine, making those who take Zoloft very tranquil and cholera-free. Besides the complexity of the drug, Zoloft designers also worked in an electronic component to make it especially difficult to pirate. The infamous "USB" addition to the capsules also supposedly enhances the anti-depressive effects of the drug, although this has never been proved to the satisfaction of the FDA.
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