PropertyValue
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  • Virus alert
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  • To anyone with Internet and E-mail access and their antivirus, firewall and antispyware up-to-date and running, we must warn about this: A dangerous third class virus was released recently. If you receive an e-mail with “Smelly feet” as the subject, don't take any risk and no matter the circumstances don't open the e-mail. Otherwise a virus will be installed in your computer, which will translate to Swahili language all your MS Word documents, download and save a copy of the latest Harry Potter movie, sterilize your pets and fill your closet with static electricity.
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abstract
  • To anyone with Internet and E-mail access and their antivirus, firewall and antispyware up-to-date and running, we must warn about this: A dangerous third class virus was released recently. If you receive an e-mail with “Smelly feet” as the subject, don't take any risk and no matter the circumstances don't open the e-mail. Otherwise a virus will be installed in your computer, which will translate to Swahili language all your MS Word documents, download and save a copy of the latest Harry Potter movie, sterilize your pets and fill your closet with static electricity. Will freeze your TV screen, erase your recreational DVD's, erase your hard disk contents, your backups, and the hard drives and backups of your family and friends. Besides, it will erase any contents in any pendrive connected to your computer in this moment, erase your PDA, burn your cell phone and its cases will get pinched with it from this moment. It will break your chair, break your desktop in two parts, slice your pants and smoke your cigarettes. Will cause a blackout in all the building and activate the fire alarm. It will call to police, FBI and TV station. Will make your boss to not give your salary, justify your sick days and renew the contract. It will warn your boss when you are chatting in Internet instead of working, will demagnetize your cards' magnetic band. Will break the laser pickup assembly of your DVD player and damage your audio CD's replacing their original contents with Phil Collins songs. Your TV will be able to show the musical weekend show only. The virus will reconfigure your refrigerator to warm your soft drinks, melt your ice cream and rot your meats and fish. You will get burned while preparing food, tomato sauce and sandwiches. You will always lose in tic-tac-toe, bingo and videogames. It will send to your ex-mate your new phone number and your new mate's photograph, who is uglier than the former. The virus will let pregnant your sister or your nearest female relative, your wife (if applicable), your new mate (if applicable), your parrot and your dog. It will send to all your friends photos of every party you attended to, even those when you were together with someone who claimed to be a woman and worked in a well known travesty bar of local underworld. It will add artificial flavor to your fishbowl. Will hide your car keys to make you arrive late to work. When you go out with a mate, will deflate the wheels, burn the stereo, and besides, you will get an instant menstruation. Then you won't be able to recline your seat and the crystals will get blurred. Finally police will arrive and you will have to give explanations. It will make you to fall in love with a mate who claims you loyalty and when you are working, will sleep with: the butcher, the vegetable seller, the milkman/milkwoman, the plumber, the doorkeeper, the key repairer, the Kwik-E-Mart owner, the neighbor, your boss, your coworkers, the night news anchor, the Basketball Leage New Yankees and the official fan club of your favorite sports team. It will pour sugar into petrol tank of your car or water if your vehicle works with gas. It will move randomly your car around the parking lot and to avoid you to find it, it will change its color, brand and model. It will feed your dog with chicken bones and let libidinous messages in your answering machine.