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| rdfs:label | - Uncyclopedia:Pee Review/Purple Prose
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| rdfs:comment | - I hope that one day I will become a decent writer.-- 14:25, July 8, 2011 (UTC) Me -- 03:03, July 9, 2011 (UTC)
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| Mcomment | - The article is a 6 over all, which means it could be featured and would be voted for slowly over a week or so, but by working on all of the above, this article could be really great and get voted on in no time. I like this article, I LOVE really creative articles with unique subjects that take a unique angle on the article. I found that the title is unique, and your treatment of the article is also different than most ironic/sarcastic articles, though not super distinct. Try to find a way to distinguish yourself from other writers when covering an article. Try to do more than just say: Purple prose is stupid. Try to add more LOL moments, I did laugh out loud especially in the second purple prose translation. Very funny. Reconsider the images, tighten up the concept and be careful how you treat the audience and try to discredit it by first helping us understand the other side and then blowing it up. Good look, I look forward to seeing it in its final form. I don't think you'll have to make major changes.
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| Pcomment | - Ive pretty much covered everything here in the last two sections. didnt notice any particularly wrong except what I mentioned. I do really like the second purple prose section.
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| Icomment | - The first image would be great if I could read the text...but I cant. What is it supposed to be? I like the second image...good job. The third one is also cute, though consider chopping it and changing the text. The fourth is funny...too bad I can't read the text. All of the captions are funny. I cannot suggest much more...though I would consider spending more time and browse images online...for sure you will find one or two that will compliment the article with a good caption.
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| Ccomment | - The concept and flow of the article is clear "purple prose is used only by terrible writers to make their writing seem better and in the worst of cases their work becomes popular due to tasteless readers". You do a fairly good job of sticking to the concept throughout the article...however the second part is under developed. There are several tangents in your article . I did find that the article ended rather strangely with: no matter how many times you use the word "cerulean". Im not sure if that is the last thought you want to leave with your readers. Your tone throughout the article seems to be that of ironic sarcasm...treating the subject as though it is something we should hate. In my opinion...whenever you want to make fun of or attack something that you completely dis-like, its always a good idea to give the other side a little more credit before you attack it. You can concede that some authors use purple prose because, other authors also use purple prose. You did a good job of giving the other side credit in the last section, mentioning how some bad writers resort to using it, since they don't know how else to write. Do consider adding what I mentioned before and also because of padding , trying to create evocative settings , to drag on a story and then shock the reader with a sudden change etc... If you give them credit for this, and then attack it by showing how unnecessary it is, or how stupid it seems then youll do a better job at not only discrediting purple prose in general but not seeming quite as condescending in your attack.
I would also recommend trying to be a little careful when making fun of people for their worthlessness or stupidity etc... While it is funny, you do it several times and perhaps using a less harsh adjective will do the job without making you, the author seem like a bully. Ex. "who are known for their exceptional stupidity" could be replaced with "who would never be asked to judge the next Nobel prize" or "who haven't read a book since hi school" or "who have read COSMO so much they cannot even follow a story line any more".
In any case, when you go over the article ask yourself, am I sticking to the topic, is this really about purple prose, does this make people laugh, I think at least one of these should apply and hopefully all three. Also, ask your self what you want the reader to leave with after reading the article and ask yourself if you have accomplished this, especially after reading the final sentence.
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| Hcomment | - Over all, the article is funny. I like the ironic/sarcastic tone, as it will be the 5th ironic/sarcastic article I will have peed on in the last week. I LOLed twice. I chuckled a few times. I found it cute in other sections and a little drippy in between. You have a good article set up...though you definitely need to infuse much more direct humour, make a few cuts/rewrites and tighten up the concept and naturally this article will easily become a lot funnier. Here is a play by play of the article humour-wise:
Intro: "Cream the pants off of" I find funny. Be careful using "fucking idiots", as for me its a little soon to throw in the F-word. You can defiantly find a more clever way to show how readers of purple prose are stupid. I like the comparison between gobbledygook and purple prose, though you could make it a little funnier . For example...
Gobbledygook: My day has been so inflastuated that I think I'll just skimple around at home and priff about.
Purple prose: The final moments of yet one more toss of the world have left myself enduring its heavy weight, dauntingly intruding into my neitherself, that I am left with nothing more than to crawl in my deep abode without any other soul and gently tickle my throbbing mound.
Normal writing: I had one of those long days and on getting home I feel shitty and want to chill while beating off in my favourite chair.
Of course...I wouldnt recommend using this example as I pulled it out of my ass. But...Im sure you get what I mean. Examples really help people understand what you are trying to say and a great place to put complex humour.
I find the last sentence in the intro clever, though not funny.
Brief history: While clever I only find the last sentence funny .
Brief history of purple prose in purple prose: I had to check the first section to see if you were really copying the "actual prose" section and converting it into purple prose. Its sort of long and its not obvious that you are copying the "actual prose". I would seriously suggest making the "actual prose" history of purple prose much shorter...so that when you rewrite it in purple prose, it will be easier for the reader to follow both what you are doing and give you a chance to expand on the "original prose" section and perhaps make it a lot funnier. Ex.
Purple prose has existed since the invention of literature and covers all genres, especially romance and can only get worse with the Internet .
Then write the history of purple prose, in purple prose to accompany just this smaller text and make it a lot more obvious that you are copying the "normal prose".
Ways of using purple prose:
Complicated words: I liked this section, its funny though there is an awkward transition from "long complicated words" to "lengths of synonyms".
Needless tangents: Also very funny section, one of the best parts of the article.
List: OH NOOOOO...LISTS!!!!!!!! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!! A list here may not be a terrible idea, but it has to be, in my humble opinion super extra amazingly hilariously SUPER funny. Its cute at this moment, not funny nor super extra amazingly hilariously SUPER funny. I would suggest either making it super extra mega funny for all entries or converting it into prose as a section with examples of purple prose.
Where to find purple prose:
In the media: This section is funny, though I sort of expected the joke that was coming. There is a bit of padding in this section as well .
In Fan-Fiction: This is cute though not that funny. Its also a rather awkward way to finish an article.
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| abstract | - I hope that one day I will become a decent writer.-- 14:25, July 8, 2011 (UTC) Me -- 03:03, July 9, 2011 (UTC)
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