PropertyValue
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  • Deadlines
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  • I was walking home with some sausages hanging out of the back pocket of my jeans when all of a sudden this dog started chasing me for no apparent reason and he chased me all the way along the road and I tried to get away by jumping over a fence (ripping my trousers in the process) but he just jumped over it after me and then just as I was about to give up and start fighting the brute in a gladiatorial test of strength the dog gave up on me and started chasing after this other guy instead (he must have had some kittens on him or something the sick bastard) so just as I was dusting myself down and about to walk home to write an article on deadlines this girl came up and asked me if I knew anything about jodhpurs and I was all like, "Why should I know anything about jodhpurs?" and she was all
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abstract
  • I was walking home with some sausages hanging out of the back pocket of my jeans when all of a sudden this dog started chasing me for no apparent reason and he chased me all the way along the road and I tried to get away by jumping over a fence (ripping my trousers in the process) but he just jumped over it after me and then just as I was about to give up and start fighting the brute in a gladiatorial test of strength the dog gave up on me and started chasing after this other guy instead (he must have had some kittens on him or something the sick bastard) so just as I was dusting myself down and about to walk home to write an article on deadlines this girl came up and asked me if I knew anything about jodhpurs and I was all like, "Why should I know anything about jodhpurs?" and she was all like, "Fine I'll just go find someone else then" and I was like "Ermmm... Yeah, you do that" and she was like "I will" and I was like "Wait! Can I have your number?" (She was kinda hot looking with long blonde hair and she was wearing this cute sky blue dress with white dots on it that looked like it probably belonged in the 70s or something but it was summer and she easily had the figure to pull it off) and she just looked at me kinda weird and then wondered off but just as she passed out of sight this black hot rod with flames up the sides came screaming round the corner with some guy hanging out the side with an Uzi and he shot this old guy across the road to pieces as it screamed past and then it turned around the corner at the end of the road and I was like "Holy crap!" and then I ran across the road to the old guy there and he was all like full of holes from the bullets and he reached up to me and with his dying breath he whispered in my ear "I only came out today because it was my birthday" and then he farted and he was no more (I made a mental note to try make up some zen influenced reference about dying being the ultimate deadline, or failing that some sort of crude joke about it for my article on deadlines) and although they never show you this in the movies there really is a 'stench of death' when some one dies because they relax all their muscles . . . . yeah, all of 'em