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* Shonen Genre: Idiot Heroes make the best protagonists because any teenage boy and any pre-teen can relate to them. Because teenage boys are stupid, unthinking and in love with themselves for it.
* Girls Have Cooties. Thus there is nothing they can actually do to advance the plot aside from pining for the protagonist from afar, serving as decorations or healing. Girls who take action are evil bitches and must be dealt with.
* Also don't skimp on the explosions and the phallic symbols such as BFS and BFG. It's not like kids can catch up to the implications of sex.
* Shojo Genre: Teenage girls are vapid, hormonal, masochistic and only concerned with beauty and relationships. Therefore, don't make them do anything. Just have them getting tangled in their relationships and unable to stir themselves from it. That's all they're good at.
* Alternatively, make them bubbly princesses, battling with an abusive mother and coming on top with the power of LIKE-OMG TRUE LOVE!
* Josei: We don't need this. Adult women have nothing to talk about but their periods, their kids, their family and all kinds of uninteresting, unimportant shit.
* If they're unmarried, maybe they can work and all but they're mainly shallow bitches who are just waiting for Mr Right, much like Bridget Jones. And remember the golden rule: she's Never a Self-Made Woman.
* Many harem series: The one who loves you the most is the one who physically and verbally abuses you the most
* If you are caught in any kind of seemingly indecent situation, you will be punished for it. Regardless on whether or not it was actually your fault.
* Trips to the the bathroom will usually end with girls seeing you as a pervert.
* Every To Be a Master series ever: Don't set your own goals, let society set them for you before you're even old enough to question it!
* This is exactly how Japanese society (and western feudal societies as well) worked for well over a thousand years. Think about that. Yeah, think about that.
* Neon Genesis Evangelion, Inuyasha, Excel Saga, probably a bunch of others as well: You should totally fall in love with the Handsome Lech or the Chivalrous Pervert. Sure he said he is in love with anything on two legs, but he also said it to you, so he must mean it. After all, it is not like the guy is evil, so his actions are perfectly okay. Once he settles down with you he will stop. And if he doesn't, that just means it is in his nature. Who are you to change him?
* Neon Genesis Evangelion: Do you have an incredibly powerful weapon that is possibly your only hope for survival? Entrust it to emotionally unstable children!
* Also, don't take that lithium! You might need to go into perpetual-motion mode to defeat an Angel!
* Rebuild of Evangelion: Ax Crazy, Blood Knights give the best advice.
* Nobody wants you so it's alright if you die isn't it?
* If you don't do your job better than everyone, you should probably just kill yourself because, fuck, everyone hates you.
* Code Geass: Only by abandoning all morality and honor can evil be defeated.
* East Asia can only count on each other, as the rest of the world is either unimportant or evil.
* They still need to be lead by Westerns as they are too weak and useless to stand up.
* Women are useless, only able to be an extension of the man, and will only cause trouble if given a free opinion.
* Alternate Interpretation: All women secretly desire to be June Cleaver. Any woman who tries to act strong or independent is just putting on airs and needs to find a man and learn to embrace her inner housewife before she gets hurt.
* Democracy will cause you to elect someone incompetent like Ohgi.
* Speaking of Ohgi, it's perfectly okay to get ahead by turning on someone.
* Also speaking of Ohgi, someone who betrayed you, tried to kill you, and who influenced you to betray your leader is a great wife.
* If you have deep, personal problems with others, do not talk it out. Instead, continue your morally ambiguous plan unheeded while occasionally angsting about it.
* If your parents aren't misguided and deeply scarred from the upbringing they tried to shelter you from, they're monsters who abandonned you and you should punish the rest of the world for it.
* Your siblings want to take everything you've worked for. But that's ok, they're too spineless to actually do it if it's too dangerous.
* It is perfectly ok to enslave or kill millions, hold world leaders hostage and brainwash anyone with the power to stop you for the sake of world peace.
* Only those with Royal Blood can affect real change in the world.
* Hate will save the world.
* The U.N. should be run by 15 year old girls with ties to revolutionary groups that have questionable records in adhering to international laws.
* The best way to make a better world for your dear sister is to have the entire world view you, the brother she loves and respects most of all, as a Complete Monster.
* To keep those close to you safe and out of danger you must become a total Jerkass.
* It doesn't matter how many war crimes you commit, or inocent lives you directly or indirectly took. If your Morality Pet little sister is killed with her reputation in tatters. You are automatiocally absolved of any and all responsibility for your past evil misdeeds.
* You can't hope to change the system from within because the ruling class is made up of a) racist, evil assholes or b) naïve idiots. The only way to change the world for the better is to become a terrorist. Having giant robots and superpowers helps too.
* When all is going according to plan do not comment on it because the universe loves proving you wrong.
* The best way to show your devotion to sweet, pacifist girls, is to start a bloodbath and pretend you did it for them (at least three girls get this treatment: Nunnally and Shirley for Lelouch, Euphie for Suzaku).
* GaoGaiGar: Victory belongs to those with a shitload of weaponry, applied phlebotinum and a mystical plot-device shotaro boy THOSE WITH COURAGE!!!
* Love Hina: It's okay for a girl to beat the shit out of her supposed True Love for breathing too loudly, but if he does anything to stand up to her, he's a bastard.
* And said girl who beats the shit out of you on a near-daily basis is obviously more compatible with you than anyone else and always has been.
* Domestic Violence Is OK When It Is Female On Male
* He's used to it. Remember the numerous Mecha-Tama?
* Any woman who loves you is severely maladjusted.
* Well duh.
* Mobile Suit Gundam: Child Soldiers who refuse to obey orders should be bitchslapped until they do.
* Not to mention that human evolution will eventually mean that yes, there is a master race.
* Gundam Wing: War is BAD!!! Now let's go kill a crap load of mooks!
* Also acceptable: Hypocrites are the best of us, they should be idolized and treasured to the greatest extent possible.
* G Gundam: Violence is a legitimate language.
* Mobile Suit Gundam 00: If someone is promoting violence kick their ass! That'll show 'em! (Actually that IS the Aesop).
* Gundam SEED: Following orders will get you killed. You can accomplish much more if you desert your post.
* Gundam SEED Destiny: If you see a sweet, naive blond drowing, let her die.
* The best way to end all war is to shoot the interposition force first.
* Want to get a girl to be in love with you? Shoot her little sister. She'll be so desperate, she'll fall in your arms immediately.
* Kare Kano: The best way to ensure that your moody boyfriend stays with you is to sleep with him and get knocked up. And then hide the pregnancy from him for a couple months.
* The quickest way to a girl's heart is thru blackmail.
* .hack//Sign: It's perfectly acceptable to kill an artificial intelligence because it'll make someone awake online be awake in the real world.
* To be fair, the AI in question was busy trying to abort its own daughter at the time. Though that opens an entirely different moral discussion, since the birth of said daughter would 100% kill the mother...
* Tengen Toppa Gurren Lagann: Shouting "WHO THE HELL DO YOU THINK I AM?" solves most of life's problems, great or small.
* Even if you can wield the power of an entire universe, those you love dearest will still die, and there's not one damn thing you can do about it.
* Real men can learn any fighting skill through sheer testosterone and audacity because they have THE SOUL OF A MAN. Real women, uh, can be quite badass at a lower level, I guess?
* Straw Vulcans do not get a Crowning Moment of Awesome because THEY'RE MEAN AND THEIR LOGIC KEEPS THE HEROES FROM BEING MANLY AND AWESOME.
* When your friend is distressed, punch him in the face whilst howling "LET'S SEE YOU GRIT YOUR TEETH!" and everything will work out. He'll thank you later.
* ANY PROBLEM can be solved with LIBERAL APPLICATION OF CAPITAL LETTERS.
* You can do anything!... if you live in a universe where magical energy that reacts to hot blood exists.
* The best solution to any problem is one that cannot possibly work, despite being awesome. It will work anyway.
* If you don't believe in yourself enough to be able to do this, You Suck.
* The world needs a Lawful Neutral person to to the dirty, AntiHeroic political stuff... but only one. Everybody else is morally obligated to be a Chaotic Good Badass.
* The only way you can ever step out of the shadow of your cooler, more charismatic friend and become your own man is if said friend dies.
* Naruto: Things like training, intelligence, having lots of really cool abilities and using them really well, actually mean very little in the grand scheme of things.
* To Become great, find a mentor and become a carbon copy of him/her. Forget individuality! (Team 7 and the Sannin, Lee and Gai, Konahamaru and Naruto, Shikamaru and Asuma).
* Remember kids, if a bad guy asks you to abandon your friends and join his side, always go for it. It's a super-quick and easy route to becoming an unstoppable one-man army with lots of hax powers! And no need to worry about the bad guy's motives, as you can just kill him once he's given you enough power.
* An entire town can pick on an innocent child with no repercussions and still expect him to save them from their enemies and the monster they put inside him.
* The most effective ninja wear bright-colored clothing and shout their attacks.
* Girls can't fight. They can only heal and cry over they guys who can fight. If a girl can fight, something is very wrong with her.
* Recruiting immature prepubescent children into your military is perfectly acceptable.
* Bleach: What he said.
* Yu-Gi-Oh, all series: What the two posters above said, to the nth degree.
* Remember, if your friend turns evil, he is still your friend and you should do everything you can to save him and make excuses for him, even if he wants to kill all of your friends.
* Also try to stop your new boss (albeit a Lawful Evil one) from killing him even if he's totally justified by both international laws and your villages
* A promise is a promise, and you must fulfill it. Even if it causes you suffering, possible death, to lose three years of your life that you could be doing something more important with, to make things worse for everyone...
* That's probably the INTENDED Aesop.
* So the lesson here is never make promises?
* Also, your true love is the guy/girl that ignores you. Always.
* Screw therapy, the way to get out of any depression/angst period is to decide you want to become stronger, for some vague reason.
* The sad thing? It can actually work effectively as its own form of therapy.
* Unless you actually suffer from clinical depression (as opposed to just suffering through difficult circumstances) in which case foregoing any form of treatment in favor of willpower alone makes about as much sense as a terminally ill patient doing the same, probably with the same ultimate outcome (death).
* All problems can be solved by letting a homicidal fox demon control your body for a bit.
* This could also be said (to a much lesser extent, and with the exception of anyone who kills the main character) of Yu Yu Hakusho
* People who are different will never understand each other. In order for the understanding to happen, both must live the exact same life.
* Also, it's okay to kill your whole family to save your village from a coup. Even if said village was pushing your family with false accusations based on long past events. Even if only some members of your family were involved in coup. It's okay to kill your elderly and youngling relatives, even your parents, and then turn your brother into a Complete Monster for some stupid Gambit Roulette and still hope for him to have a normal life. Don't worry you will be praised for your actions.
* And it's also okay for other people to be informed of such and keep quiet, even if relating it to your leader might open possibility of diplomacy with said brother who's been turned into Complete Monster. And it's wrong that said brother is PISSED OFF because his whole clan was killed for this stupid Gambit Roulette! He should just suck it up, right?
* No, it's okay to kill everyone associated with the village, despite having no knowledge of the truth of the incident whatsoever.
* Pay Evil Unto Evil?
* Also, in the improbably case of your brother going insane from all the shit you put him and your family through and deciding to ignore your mindset and go on to avenge the clan, it's okay to essentially brainwash him into being a slave to the village for life, essentially killing his free-will and condemning him to serve his family's murderers. Itachi, you should be the Poster Boy of this page, you know that?
* It's Okay to hate a child because he has a demon inside them. It's also perfectly logical to ostracize him, make him feel unloved. He will, every time, use his powers to protect you. He will never once think to use his powers to unleash unholy hell on you and your loved ones as payback for all the crap you've put him through.
* Bonus points when the guy (aka their renowned leader) who sacrificed his life ask you to make him a hero.
* It's better to be dead than to raise your son without your smoking hot wife.
* To get stronger one needs friends, preferably just their eyes.
* Revenge is bad. UNLESS the guy you're taking revenge on is a different religion than you, in which case, fuck him.
* If you attempt to change to world for the better, there is a good chance that the slightest mistake will cause you to fail horribly, cause the deaths of nearly everyone you care about, and eventually turn you into a Complete Monster.
* If you are not descended from the mythical savior of the world, you are utterly irrelevant.
* If someone tries to kill you, he is your best friend, and you should devote the rest of your life to preventing other people from holding him accountable for his crimes.
* If someone destroys your village and kills most of the people in it, you should totally spare him. It will bring everyone he killed back to life and make everyone love you.
* If a girl confesses her love for you and is almost killed right in front of you, you should ignore her completely.
* It's okay to risk the destruction of your village/the end of the world by letting the person the enemy wants to capture fight them as long as you have faith in him.
* All it takes to get nations with a history of warring with each other to reconcile and work together is to give them a common enemy powerful enough to threaten all of them. Hmmm...
* The best way to stop your friend from trying to fulfill an impossible promise while driven on by unrequited love for you is to falsely tell him that you love him.
* Yu-Gi-Oh! GX: True heroes are emo, mental, and in a lot of pain, so if you want to be a hero, go bad.
* If you suck at card games, you have no future. Because Card Games are Serious Business.
* GX Manga: If you want to build your own deck so you can win by your own power, don't. Always stick with the deck your friend/mentor gave you. Otherwise, you will (almost) always lose. Who cares about success by your own merits anyway?
* Kage Kara Mamoru!: If you make a promise that your family will always protect their family from any sort of harm, eventually the descendants of that family will become Too Dumb to Live.
* Magical Girl Lyrical Nanoha: Children under the age of 11 and former criminals make the best law enforcement.
* Beating the hell out of people will make you the best of friends, as long as you ask them what they're doing beforehand.
* Rurouni Kenshin: Killing people is bad. Beating the crap out of them with blunted weapons that give them massive internal injuries that are difficult for nineteenth century doctors to treat is alright, just so long as you don't kill them!
* You know that kid whose sister you killed? It's totally his fault he hasn't gotten over it yet.
* Speaking of that kid: Obsessing on revenge gives you Super Senses.
* Pokémon: Animals like to fight, but they can't do it well without you! So even if they clearly have the capacity to think for themselves and run their own lives, you should capture them and force them to fight each other for your entertainment! They really want to be bossed around; all that escaping is just playing hard to get. After all, you have the right to enslave them because you're part of the majority group and have the technology to catch them.
* If you ever come across a crime in progress, even if you are sufficiently equipped to prevent it, don't. The perpetrators will notice you, and they will follow you. Every. Single. Day. Of. Your. Life. Until they get their revenge. Their torment will extend to everyone else you ever meet as well. Even if you repeatedly come out ahead, the headache isn't worth it.
* If you don't feel fulfilled taking care of your ten kids, you should abandon all your children completely! This will turn your eldest son into the most awesome nurturer ever! It may also make him a little desperate for a loving relationship, which he will never (ever) find, but that's of no consequence at all - he'll otherwise be perfectly healthy, happy, and mild-mannered, and any lingering deep-seated resentment he has will be expressed only in very very rare offhand comments, which everyone involved will completely ignore. In all other ways, you'll be a loving, happy family.
* The movies: There are beings in the world that are far more powerful than you. It is no trouble for them to kill you if they desire it. Obviously they aren't specifically out to get you; you wouldn't be alive today if they were. But, you know, even they can have a bad day. Anyway, if the worst case scenario happens and their actions threaten to kill you, always remember this: there isn't a thing you can do about it. Your best course of action is to huddle with your loved ones in a corner and hope that a main character comes along. (Even if they do, don't think those beings are actually going to be punished for it. There are things even a main character can't do.)
* Best case scenario however, you can catch them to make then into your slaves!
* Not true. In fact, if you make an attempt to catch them or otherwise dispose of them, those main characters mentioned above will side with those powerful beings against you.
* The games, for hardcore players: If you are not innately strong or have the wrong nature, you are a worthless being and your only purpose in life is prostitution to produce an ideal being. Or as a slave forced to perform the same tedious tasks every day because your pimp master can't be bothered to find a boat/machete/airport.
* Even if you're inherently strong, your sole purpose in life is to beat others of your kind to death fainting.
* The anime, for the same people: It doesn't matter how far you travel, how many people you meet and befriend, how many wonders you behold (especially in the "living god" category), or what kind of memories and experiences you share with the ones you care about. None of it matters if you can't beat everyone you meet in competition. Dare to be beaten by someone who happened to be luckier (or worse, more skilled) than you in a regional competition hosting thousands of entrants, and your life might as well have not happened.
* Alternatively: Failure Is the Only Option, so you might as well not even try.
* It's completely okay to kidnap sentient beings, use them as vehicles and tools, and force them to fight for your amusement. In fact, they all want you to. It's the true meaning of friendship.
* Exploiting pokemon to further your own ambitions is encouraged, unless you wear a uniform with an R on it.
* It's OK to treat your Pokemon like garbage, but your rival? Ohhhh no freaking way.
* Meditation will increase your attack power! Beating your belly like a drum will maximize it, but at the cost of half your lifespan--so be careful.
* Are you sure that's not Death Note?
* To meet interesting fauna, headbutt trees!
* When in desperation, make up your own laws of physics. Electrocuting yourself gives you super armor.
* Fushigi Yuugi: It's okay to be a huge bastard and ruin many lives if you had a bad childhood!
* It's also o.k. to make your friends and family suffer because something bad ONLY happened to you, they can handle it; it's their job! And when you realize how terrible you are there will be no negative repercussions to this they'll totally understand.
* Fullmetal Alchemist:
* God still hates you, and this time around he's there personally to mock you as he takes everything form you.
* Having lost an arm and a leg gives you the moral right to berate non-amputee people suffering an emotional breakdown for being wangsty. After all, if they haven't lost a limb (and got fully functional prostheses which are actually useful in combat and a superpower to boot) what could they know about pain? Don't worry, they'll thank you for opening their eyes afterwards.
* Killing someone for the sake of revenge is a terrible act, which may cause you to Jump Off the Slippery Slope. It's so much better if one of your allies, who doesn't have a personal reason to do it, kills that person.
* Getting drunk and hallucinating may be just the thing you need to stop moping and save the world!
* Even if you didn't want to commit a sin and were literally forced into it God still hates you.
* Fullmetal Alchemist: Conqueror of Shamballa: It's OK if you make a war and murders possible to find your brother, then ditch your friends and She Is Not My Girlfriend forever just to be with him. Also, your Disappeared Dad's atrocious death will scar you for two minutes, and you shouldn't tell said brother about it.
* In regards to that first point (starting a war to fulfil your own goals), that's not so much a warping of the movie's aesop but a negation and contradiction of the aesop.
* Also, lung tuberculosis isn't contagious and you should pretend nothing happened should your best friend / brother substitute start puking blood. He only becomes completely dispensable when you find the brother he was a substitute for.
* Actually, I'm relatively certain it was officially stated that it wasn't TB.
* The series: God hates you, and once you screw up, you can never, ever be forgiven.
* Every mistake you have ever made will come back to try and destroy the world.
* It's all your fault. No exceptions.
* Unless it's your father's fault, it which case you still have to clean up the mess.
* Challenging societal norms is evil and blasphemous, and you'll suffer for it whether it was intentional or not.
* Haruhi Suzumiya: Rape is okay as long as both the victim and perpetrator are Japanese schoolgirls.
* Also, the victim will secretly enjoy it and end up being a better and more confident person because of it.
* See that cute girl over there? You're not allowed to date her. Ever. Otherwise your other female friend will get jealous and destroy the universe.
* The best way to show affection for someone is to be abusive and demanding, and mask any signs of caring. Don't worry, your interesting personality will more than make up for it. Such behavior is also a great way to get the person to spend time with you.
* Forget all the fun and exciting things that happen in a "mundane" world. If it doesn't have freaks, monsters, or anything that isn't grounded in reality, it cannot be fun. So go ahead and watch as the world burns. At least you'll be entertained.
* Summing it all up, God is a jerk.
* Telling the girl you like that you have a ponytail fetish can save the universe!
* Nobody is who you think they are, and making friends with one random eccentric girl can condemn you to a like of danger and uncertainty. But it dosent matter because your normal life was too boring anyways.
* Death Note: To be the greatest detective of them all and save the world, you need to base all of your assumptions off of the findings of dead people. Hey, they're dead, nobody will know that evidence isn't yours--you can be a hero!
* To be the best in your field you should ignore personal hygiene and show up to work in the clothes you slept in.
* Another Note: Hide out in your safe house and have the Fair Cop you've recruited do all the work and then claim credit for solving the case when it's through. If you are the law no one can question you.
* Being an autistic orphan guarantees that you're a genius.
* And if you`re not a genius, you`re useless, even if you are very good at your job and have lots of experience.
* Self preservation is for pussies. A real detective announces his presence and harasses their mass-murder-suspect-with-an-unknown-weapon constantly.
* Don't try to drastically change the world for the better unless you are prepared to turn into a sociopathic, delusional, potato chip munching maniac.
* Also, GIRLZ IZ STOOPID.
* Extension: Women are weak, incompetent and need a man to lead them (and even then they are prone to making mistakes). Once they find him, they should Stay in the Kitchen.
* If you've fallen in love with someone naturally the appropriate response is to stalk that person, have your crazy friend threaten to kill him, and dress like a whore. Your victim (I'm sorry, BOYFRIEND) will grow to love you eventually.
* ALL PROBLEMS ARE SOLVED WITH HANDCUFFS. If it isn't working, the handcuffs aren't small enough.
* Never mind if your ideals are completely correct--if you develop a God complex, you must die and your work must be undone. You just wanted to make the world a better place and had to make some insignificant-in-the-grand-scheme-of-things sacrifices? Sorry, you're not a nice person, so you lose.
* Killing criminals is only wrong if you do it. If you have a badge and official sanction it's a-okay (you can break any number of rules that you like!) and we will execute you like the criminal you are.
* Writing in books is dangerous and evil. It's not a pretty picture. (Dramatic and stylalized, perhaps, but not pretty.) Don't do it. Ever.
* Mass-murder is AWESOME!!! There is NOTHING it cannot do. Start slaughtering people today and you too can have a hot girlfriend, steady job, legions of devoted followers, and (drumroll please) . . . world peace! Even if you die! That's right, kids, utopia can be yours, just make sure you start out by bumping off criminals . . . that way, you'll be justified no matter how much of a Complete Monster you become. Everything you say and do is right! Just remember these three simple rules: 1) if you think they deserve to die, they deserve to die, 2) if they get in your way, they deserve to die, and 3) if the world isn't a utopia yet, that just means you haven't killed enough people! Act now! Utopia is just a drawn out mass-murder session killing away!
* The only thing more epic than writing in a notebook . . . is eating potato chips. Unless you repeatedly shout "delete" whilst writing in said notebook, then the sheer epic-ness might just make you come to fruition.
* Do nothing. Don't ever try to change the world for the better. Sit around in your room and play with toys all day and you are sure to win at life.
* If your little sister is ever kidnapped by violent criminals kill her immediately because if you save her it will lead to your death.
* If you are really smart then there is somethning wrong with you. Odds are that you're either evil or crazy or both.
* Being a good student and taking notes is an executable offense.
* The L Diet: Eating lots of candy makes you rakishly thin and a genius to boot.
* Light Yagami / L Lawliet died for your sins.
* Smoking kills getting shot thirty times helps too.
* If you ignore your shrill, annoying, possibly murderess "hot girlfriend" and you are chained to an exotic young male detective 24-7... you are gay.
* Bored student = future Serial Killer.
* "Justice" apparently means either "mass murder" or "stalking teenage boys." Pick a side-we're at war.
* No, the Power of Friendship will not protect you from Kira.
* Don't pick up trash you find randomly lying around at school.
* Negima: It is perfectly reasonable to live in your possibly dead father's shadow. In fact, you should shave whole days off of your life so you can be more like him. And if you have a friend who is doing this, you should encourage him to continue because it makes him "mature" and "adult", even if he is a child.
*
* The series later gives another option, if you don't want to stay in your father's shadow, choose dark powers over light! Despite the fact that it may eventually kill you, at least you don't have to worry about using The Power of Friendship to solve all of your problems.
* The effectiveness of training is directly proportional to how suicidal is it. For that matter, how good of a teacher you are is determined entirely by how much of a hardass you are and/or how likely you are to commit manslaughter via training.
* If a child is doing incredibly stupid things because you're not telling him something, whatever you do, don't tell him! He needs to learn stuff the hard way, with lots of blood, sweat, tears, and wasted childhood.
* If you are that child and someone tells you that you should relax a little, act like the child you are, and enjoy your childhood while it still lasts, don't. Instead, find a Year Inside, Hour Outside mechanism so that you can get out of childhood even faster, without wasting that Training From Hell in the process.
* Attempting to seduce a ten-year-old boy is perfectly okay. Especially if your favorite method for doing so is to rub his face in your cleavage.
* Being smart makes you weak and hesistant while being dumb makes you strong and confident. There will also never be any negative consequences to being confident without even knowing what you're doing.
* Making out with your class is endearing, and there is no downside. In fact, you're rewarded with incredible items. Everybody wins.
* Yu-Gi-Oh!: It's fine to run a criminal empire that deals in forgery, extortion, and general thuggery as long as it is your really crazy other personality that pulls the extreme shit.
* As long as you have money you can get away with anything.
* Countries should drop military spending and invest in a children's card game, that'll make them rich. It worked for KaibaCorp.
* Unless you're rich or are in possession of an ancient artifact, don't expect to go far in a tournament. If you do somehow manage to make it to the finals, it's all downhill from there.
* No matter how competent you are, you will still lose any one on one contests against people with more friends than you.
* Bullying is just wrong. Destroying peoples' minds with magical powers is A-OK!
* All your problems can be solved with Card Games. Your worth as a human being is directly related to how good you are at a children's card game.
* Authorities can't do anything other than oppress the poor.
* Cheating is OK as long as you do it with your heart.
* Liking children's cartoons at an adult age is a prime symptom of being a Psychopathic Manchild.
* If you meet someone who has lost any loved ones through no fault of their own, they're probably evil or creepy, and it's okay to rub it in their face how they are all alone, and have no friends!
* Better yet, if someone loses their loved ones, they will always become evil!
* Strawberry Panic: When you can't have what you want, don't worry too much about being realistic and moving on with your life -- you'll get out of it at the last second. Also, the chuuzen one's life is not her own when the fangirls have need of it.
* Kannazuki no Miko: Destiny will rape the ones you love -- unless you do it first!
* Yes! Pretty Cure 5: Don't bother finding a purpose in life. The universe will eventually throw one at you. Being selfless and independent will prevent you from accomplishing anything--it's only by just doing whatever you want that you'll find your real strengths. Teenage girls and random suspicious men found in dark alleys are always a good combination. Being dedicated to your job means you deserve to die.
* Digimon Adventure 02: Remember, girls, being a tomboy is bad. Yamato Nadeshiko type girls are the only way to go.
* If the big, ugly monster is about to conquer the world, the best way to defeat it is to make some stupid speeches about your wishes, such as you want to be a kindergarten teacher or a artist. Its always works.
* Digimon Tamers: Garbage collectors are evil.
* Digimon Frontier: Girls are useless. Period.
* Mai-Otome: Men are evil, stupid, useless or any combination of the three.
* Unless, of course, you're read the manga, in which case they're stupid, evil, useless bastards unless they crossdress...or are already dead.
* Ditto for Mai-HiME
* One Piece: Chain-smoking is badass. Doing it in quantities that couldn't even fit in the average mouth is even cooler.
* Saving your older brother must be your top priority. It doesn't matter if you need to let loose a bunch of the world's worst criminals in the process, one of which has done terrible damage to one of your True Companions' home country, you gotta do what you gotta do!
* Whole series: It's not important that your beliefs make any sense, just that you feel really strongly about them.
* On that note, it's more heroic to let someone be surrounded by signs of failure than kill them. This is explicitly stated.
* 4Kids: the legally justified peace-keeping force must not have weapons more powerful than what a small child could buy with their allowance.
* Killing someone is a terrible thing, but beating someone into unconsciousness is A-okay. It's actually a completely acceptable thing to do about someone you don't like. Don't worry, they won't risk to suffer brain damage or even death in the long run, even though modern medicine states that fainting will induce such things. Modern medicine is lying; they will wake up and be all fine after a short amount of time
* Dragonball Z: Let the Omnicidal Maniac go. Every time. Beat you to a pulp? Killed your friends right in front of you? Threatened to do the same to those who are left (including your own son) and your entire planet? Let him go. It just means you'll gain a powerful ally in the future. If not... Well, you can always kill him later.
* Kidnapping small children and brutalizing them for months on end is a great way to earn their lifelong loyalty and friendship - and their parents', too!
* When training said inexperienced childern always do so with LIVE FIRE EXERCISES. That way you have a good chance of killing them too. Dooooooooooooooooooooooodge!
* Alternately: Humans suck. If you want to be worth anything, you have to be either an alien or have alien heritage, otherwise you're little more than a meat shield or a distraction.
* It's okay to take a kid along on adventures that could kill you both, as long as the kid is strong enough to save your hide.
* ...and?
* And don't bother considering their feelings. If they prefer homework to getting into fights, they're just being a pussy. Make sure you put the pressure on by telling them only they can defeat the overpowered Omnicidal Maniac and then throw the villain a Med Kit. Saving the world doesn't count if it isn't done through a fair one-on-one fight.
* If someone wants to destroy the world, have them kill you. Your children will avenge your death
* Getting angry is the only way to win a fight.
* Remember, children, if you find some MacGuffins and wish hard enough, Grandpa can come back!
* No, your goldfish didn't die, he went to another dimension. Right now he's training with his goldfish buddies.
* If the creepy old hermit you're staying with is a lecherous pervert, he doesn't need to be reported to the authorities - just punch him in the face occasionally! True, he is an insanely powerful martial artist, hundreds of times stronger than you and could probably rape you without any effort whatsoever... just keep tolerating him, and I'm sure nothing bad will ever happen! it's not as if the only reason you've ever been able to defend yourself against him in the past is because he's never actually tried to defend himself is it...?
* No matter what you do, your mother will think you're a monster.
* It's more than perfectly okay to let your child get tortured by the Big Bad. He will, in no way, develop a hostile grudge against you and attempt to kill you once he attains that higher power you kept talking about.
* Just like in Star Wars, you can be the second baddest person in the galaxy, cause untold suffering and pain, yet sacrificing your life to save your family puts you in the side of good.
* To hell with knowledge and trying to lead a normal life. To hell with your wife and child's feelings about you being gone for the zinth time. All that matters is that you get to go off and do what you want to do.
* Alien creatures who used to try and kill you are better at being fathers toward your children than yourself. So, kids! Feel free to go toward that angry guy that hates everyone, because he secretly likes you! 8D
* Blue Gender: Through the use of sustainable technology and orbital biodomes, one can preserve our planet's integrity even when humanity's energy and resource requirements begin to exceed the planet's ability to fulfill them.
* Full Metal Panic: Hey, physical abuse is A-OK as long as it's female on male, but if you ever make her cry you're going straight to hell.
* Also, falling in love and having feelings of humanity makes you uncool, weak, and Wangsty. Being an uncaring killing machine is much better for the soul.
* Gun control laws are only suggestions. Nobody actually enforces them.
* Being a man is primarily about being a violent, self-centred douche and loving oneself for it.
* Paranoia Agent: Lying is bad, kids! If you lie, you and everyone you've ever been in contact with will go insane and imagine being beaten up by a juvenile kid before a giant black blob consumes your hometown!
* Correction: If you live in Tokyo and someone lies, you will be killed by a figment of their imagination.
* A little girl accidentally letting her puppy die is the cause of all the problems in society, even if everyone else did worse things and just hid behind her lie. Only make her own up to it and the masses will obviously be spared and never cause something similar to happen ever again.
* Are you a a crooked cop, a violent burglar, and a pedophile who is abusing the trust of your only child by taking naked pictures of her? You don't have to face any repercussions! In fact, not only will you be treated like a hero for catching the wrong suspect, but your daughter will contract Hollywood Amnesia and never rat you out! (Alternatively: the worst thing that can happen for a criminal or a pedophile is for them to reflect and feel bad about their actions. Don't bother trying to actually send them to jail.)
* Higurashi no Naku Koro ni: Young girls who have their older brothers take care of them deserve to have the shit beaten out of them.
* To be more precise, they need to have the shit beaten out of them at least once. It will make them better people.
* If you find out that one of your friends has murdered someone, even in self-defense, you should help them cover it up, of course. It's what friends are for. (Never mind the fact that murdering someone in self-defense is a contradiction in terms!)
* Nurses are always evil, and ones who engage in experimental research tend to end up infected by whatever it was they were studying.
* Trust no one, or you and all your friends will die horribly.
* Stay away from people from rural towns who believe in weird gods, or you will die horribly. Repeatedly.
* Always give the doll you won in that game to the girl who insists she doesn't want it, or her family will kill you.
* Even if you can try it thousands of times, some things are just hopeless unless you cheat.
* Hell Girl: If you get revenge, you'll go to hell, but if you don't get revenge, you'll suffer horrible torment and then go to hell anyway.
* Therapy is pointless. Condemning everybody who makes you unhappy to eternal torment in hell is the only way to get over your life's problems.
* Black Lagoon: Women are insane.
* Nice Guys suck. If you want to get out alive you have to be just as nasty as the people around you.
* Duel Masters: The path to victory lies not through practice, cunning, skill, or wealth. If you want to be a winner, your number-one priority should be your hair.
* School Rumble: Tsunderes and Yamato Nadeshiko are overrated. Genki Girls are where it's at!
* Love Makes You Stupid. Or possibly stupid people just fall in love more easily. But love and idiocy are definitely connected somehow.
* Umineko no Naku Koro ni: If you work hard and always apply yourself to achieving your goals, then you too can become an utter psychopath.
* Attaching a color to what someone says is not a symptom of synesthesia, it is the key to understanding what is really going on around you.
* Brutally murdering your loved one's family, over and over again, is a great way to get him to accept you and will make him want to understand you.
* Tokyo Babylon: Be an ass. It will get you further in life.
* Basilisk : if you happen to be born as a ninja, your whole life is already totally fucked. Have a nice death.
* Once you become aware of the bigger picture that everyone you've ever known and loved was senselessly sacrificed for, the only option you have is to senselessly sacrifice yourself as well.
* Fairy Tail: The Power of Friendship is for beating the shit out of people to get revenge for hurting your True Companions, even in the cases where this doesn't actually do anything to protect them and just leads to more of them getting hurt. This will also never have any negative consequences.
* Escaflowne: The quickest way to stop a war is a half naked teenage boy flying overhead.
* That actually sounds like it might work.
* Kenichi: The Mightiest Disciple: If you try standing up for yourself, there are only two possible outcomes: you'll fail, or you'll have entire gangs out to get you solely because they can.
* The Cat Returns: Don't go out of your way to help people, you're just going to create a bigger problem.
* Fruits Basket: All parents suck, and all adults are worthless and manipulative.
* Or, alternatively, a person should get pity over their situation when it's caused by someone else, but you shouldn't feel anger at whoever caused the situation in the first place, because that makes you a bad person.
* Trigun: Who says you can't hug children with nuclear arms?
* Soul Eater (after overtaking the manga) Teamwork and skill aren't really all that important in the end. Courage is the only thing you need. Also, nothing anybody else did counted as "courageous" for some reason. That includes the father who got himself blown up (pointlessly, granted, but that's another trope) to protect his kid.
* Fear is bad. If can't confront what you're afraid of, you're either evil or at least inadequate and must be shown sense. By force if necessary. Children horrifically abused by their mothers are not exempt from this treatment. If you're not brave, you risk becoming less than human.
* From the manga, apparently there is such a thing as knowing too much, because it will drive you mad and into isolation.
* Mistreating people with OCD and/or taking advantage of their condition is HILARIOUS!
* Azumanga Daioh: If you desperately want a cat, but house cats really hate you, you should go to a national park and take a critically endangered wild cat home with you.
* High school girls are insane.
* High school teachers are even more off-kilter.
* The Pico Series: Child molestation is beautiful, romantic, and harmless.
* Monster clearly teaches kids that it's okay to avoid going to school if they honestly have something more interesting to do, like following a fugitive doctor around.
* Alternatively, if you're a surgeon, you really should think twice before saving random hapless children.
* Don't go against superiors and try to do the morally right thing by treating all patients equally regardless of social status. You'll just end up saving the Anti-Christ who'll kill thousands of innocents.
* Sayonara, Zetsubou-sensei: Threatening suicide everyday will gets you chicks.
* Berserk: Did thousands of innocent civilians just die because you killed the person protecting them from a horde of demons immune to normal weapons? It's not your fault, they were just too weak-willed to survive anyways!
* Real friends would want you to sell your AND their soul to Hell in order for you to achieve your personal goals in life. That ain't selfishness - that's the real Power of Friendship!
* But, no matter what life brings to you, you can always triumph over your trials, because causality has no hold over you in the end. At the end of the day, the bad guys will lose, justice will be served to the suffering, and the good guys will triumph over all, because they come in just in the nick of time to save everybody from the Big Bad. Including the girl. IT WILL HAPPEN. ALWAYS. WITH BABIES.
* Ichigo Mashimaro: Acting like an obnoxious Jerkass is a great way to get attention.
* Child molestation is okay when it's female on female.
* Gun X Sword: Revenge is the solution.
* If you're a defenseless teenage orphan, the best way to keep safe is to propose marriage to a man approximately twice your age whom you've only known for a day. Since he saved your life once, he's bound to keep protecting you, no matter how emotionally unbalanced he is!
* Durarara: Using random people from the internet as your own personal army is the optimum way to solve your problems.
* Falling in love with a severed head is sick and wrong; falling in love with a headless body is sweet and romantic.
* Dropping out of school, cutting off contact with all but one of your friends and running away with your girlfriend at fifteen is perfectly acceptable.
* Gungrave: The route to freedom involves seizing control of the mafia and killing your best friend if he gets in your way. And he'll come back from the dead and forgive you when things go bad.
* Baccano!: Organized crime is awesome.
* Even disorganized can pay. Pointless arson can make you immortal!
* Ever heard of Herostratus?
* Maison Ikkoku: Its okay to keep leading on people whom have openly cared for you and treated you well and if you're indecisive long enough someone else will come along and go with them instead.
* Go ahead and drink Alcoholic beverages as much as you want, the only thing that will ever go wrong is maybe an occasional showing of wacky drunk shenanigans.
* Just about any given Rumiko Takahashi show, indecisiveness and copious amounts of Emotional Constipation are the true building blocks of any romantic relationship. Any pairing that doesn't seem to have a metric ton to this is most likely doomed to fail.
* Urusei Yatsura: Ladies the only way to beat a Rumiko Takahashi styled Tsundere in Romance is to be another Rumiko Takahashi styled Tsundere
* Cat Soup: Never poop. When you poop, weird and possibly symbolic stuff will occur.
* It's okay to eat your friends, just so long as you share with them.
* Bleach: You know that sweet-natured girl who recently developed special powers the Big Bad is sure to take an interest in for purposes of reactivating the long-dormant Artifact of Doom? Well, whatever you do, don't sit her down and explain the situation to her, don't take any kind of measures to ensure her safety, and most certainly don't even bother to keep track of her whereabouts or status. We're sure it'll all work out just fine in the end...
* Yeah, when that girl's disappears she is immediately assumed to have joined the enemy.
* You know that execution order you allegedly received from those 46 big-wigs you practically never get to meet with in person? Yeah, just go ahead and carry it out without so much as getting confirmation or authentication on it. Afterall, what are the odds that some scoundrel and his co-conspirators could be playing you for fools.
* It's okay to stand their and do nothing while your comrades are ganging up on a fellow ally.
* It's perfectly normal to wake up and see major portions of your city destroyed by a car accident. DO NOT QUESTION IT!
* Getting stabbed in the chest makes you stronger.
* It's okay for EVERYBODY to put their faith in a 15 year-old.
* It's perfectly reasonable for your society to be run by a group of 46 people whose authority can never be question no matter how incredibly bad their judgement calls frequently turn out to be. Also, a senile old fool is just the person you want to be the supreme commander of your society's military.
* Silence woman! Sit back, Stay in the Kitchen, and watch me rescue you whether you want me to or not.
* If violence isn't solving all your problems you simply aren't using enough of it.
* Ookamikakushi: You should tolerate people who are highly aroused by your scent.
* Wanting revenge on someone for killing your fiancee makes you a racist jerk.
* If you were almost molested, found out your classmate is a murderer, that you are the reason for said classmate having to commit murder, and witnessed the near-destruction of your hometown within the space of a few weeks, it will soon feel like a dream.
* Opening a present meant for your sister is a very, VERY bad idea.
* Hugs can kill you if you're not careful.
* Kara no Kyoukai: If you suspect that the girl you like is a psychotic serial killer, you should be friends anyway. If evidence points to her, ignore it. If she admits to it, don't believe her. If you see her standing in front of a headless corpse, covered in blood, holding a knife, rationalize that it wasn't her. If you then survive her inevitable attempt on your life, congratulations! You're both in love. She probably won't try to kill you again.
* Fate Stay Night: Your life has no meaning, unless you try and throw it away at every opportunity. On the bright side, this will make women love you.
* If all else fails, having sex will solve the problem.
* Panty and Stocking With Garterbelt: It doesn't matter if the girl ignored you, insulted you & treated you like dirt in the past, basically, when you become a Bishonen, the girl will instantly fall for you. Plus, sex is the only thing that matters in a relationship.
* Chi's Sweet Home: Screw landlords and their dumb rules - everyone should have the right to keep a cute kitten at home!
* Zero no Tsukaima: Hey Girls! remember, if a boy annoys you, to even the smallest degree, always remember that physical violence is your friend! whether it's punching him in the face, striking him with a bottle or kicking him in the testicles (it's not as if he needs them for anything right?) every technique is a winner!
* Tsubasa Reservoir Chronicle: So, your girlfriend got knocked into a coma, and the only way to get her out of it is to take a million-to-one shot at fixing it (and failing will probably get the both of you killed), and if you even succeed at all, she won't even remember who you are? Well if you don't jump on that million-to-one shot, you don't love her. Period.
* Never call out the devil for her crap.
* If your girlfriend dies, don't worry. She was probably a clone.
* The only straight people are Humanoid Abominations.
* The Tsundere-archetype: Treating people like shit is fine so long as you're really attractive, doubly so in regards to your loved one(s). Give 'em hell!
* Even more so, the weaker partner in the relationship (unfortuately, all too often the female) can get away with this when her parner is powerful enough that she wouldn't stand a chance in a fair fight.
* Yosuga no Sora: It's okay to love and have sex with your twin.
* Final Approach: Invade a guy's life and suffocate him with unwanted affection 24/7 and he'll grow to love you eventually.
* Macross Frontier: It is perfectly OK for a guy to be in love relationship with two girls simultaneously.
* If you are a famous star, don't encourage anyone to go into show business. Ever. They will always steal your position.
* And it is 100% OK to do so along with taking their manager from them. If however, the now fallen star manages to get the guy you are in love with after that, she is absolute bitch and deserves to die, along with everybody around.
* Hentai in general: Everything is out to rape you.
* But you actually like it.
* Only if you're female. If you're male you're either the rapist, the guy whose girlfiend cheats you with the rapist, or so unmanly that the rapist considers you to be close enough.
* Gravitation: As long as you're doing it to protect someone you love, gang rape and humiliation will have no lasting effects on you.
* Never mind how your boyfriend verbally (and sometimes physically) abuses you. He's really a broken and lonely soul who needs your unconditional love to get change for the better.
* Hetalia: Soviet Russia was mean for taking over Eastern Europe. Axis Germany, on the other hand, was a decent and respectful power that only did minor wrongdoing such as taking over Eastern Europe.
* Or, rather, Soviet Russia just wanted some friends. You all will join him someday.
* All Russian men are over 25cm.
* Le Chevalier d'Eon: If you try to find out who murdered your loved ones, their ex-lovers will try to kill you by turning people you know into zombies.
* Puella Magi Madoka Magica: Did someone just offer you the opportunity to make yourself truly happy? They cannot be trusted at all. And if they're only doing it because it will help save the universe in the long run, that means they are a Complete Monster and must be destroyed.
* Teenage girls' dreams are the driving force behind humanity's progress.
* Save Scumming will eventually drive you to despair, as you see yourself failing again and again and start to doubt if it's even possible for you to succeed.
* Doing what is necessary to prolong the end of the universe requires putting the well-being of everyone else in the universe before your own. This is a horrible, nightmarish, self-destructive process that no one in their right mind should agree to. You'd be better off letting everyone and everything die early.
* And being idealistic about this situation in any way will earn you a horrifyingly gruesome death.
* There is no force in the universe stronger than human suffering. Not even physics or probability.
* If you commit yourself to fighting evil so that the boy you love can once again pursue his passion, he'll choose your friend instead, and you'll turn into a monster, requiring the girl who was starting to become friends with you to sacrifice herself to kill you.
* Summer Wars: Teaming up to take down a computer virus that threatens the entire world is the perfect way to remedy any and all family issues.
* Blood C: Don't even bother trying to protect the people you love. You will fail and they will die horribly.
* Bibliotheca Mystica de Dantalian: If a situation has nothing to do with you and you posses the power to resolve said situation, don't even bother. Everything will work itself out.
* Elfen Lied Genocide solves all your problems.
* It's perfectly acceptable to harass, persecute, bully, and antagonize little girls for their birth defects and then complain about the results when the victim snaps and retaliates.
* You have to marry your cousin because she made you promise you would when you were like eight.
* Slapping Hysterical Women is good for them, even if they have every right to Freak-Out having just witnessed a gruesome murder, are a rape victim, or end up Alone with the Psycho who made them a quadruple amputee.
* Naked mentally retarded girls are funny.
* Men are so evil that a man who regularly euthanizes children can be the second-most likable and good male in the world.
* Sometimes murdering people based on how they were born is a moral gray area. After all, they might have been born with a genetic condition that causes them to kill their parents at age three and want to start (and be capable of) single-handedly destroying humanity.
* Being a Jerkass means you deserve to die.
* ALL Humans Are Bastards and deserve to die.
* Noein It doesn't matter who you are or what you do or what choices you make-since there are infinite worlds out there you can bet that somewhere, in some future timeline or parallel universe there is a version of you that's a Complete Monster bent on destroying all of reality.
* It's your mother's and your girlfriend's fault that you grow up to be an Omnicidal Maniac.
* Hey, girls! It's okay to bring a creepy older guy into your house if you "feel like you know them."
* Attending Cram School and studying all the time makes you an emotionally unstable Emo that secretly wants to Kill'Em All. Studying is bad for you.
* Ditto for Death Note.
* Hellsing let your pet Eldritch Abomination off the leash to save the day.
* The most effective way to combat evil is with an even greater evil.
* Protestants hang out with blood thirsty monsters. Catholics kill you with cake knives.
* Godwin's Law: The Nazis really are still behind everything.
* Now and Then Here and There It always gets worse. ALWAYS! No exceptions.
* If you don't want to have a Child by Rape that makes you a bad person. Also Victim Falls For Rapist.
* Silent Möbius Even if you showed no inclination towards evil before as soon as it's revealed that your powers come from a demonic source or heritage you will become evil. No exceptions.
* If you love someone, they will die.
* It's your parents' fault that the world is so screwed up and you're doomed to repeat their mistakes.
* The ideal law enforcement team is an Amazon Brigade with hair the colors of the rainbow. No men allowed! They get in the way of the Fan Service and they are only here to be kidnapped and killed.
* Linebarrels of Iron: Ignore your responsibilities and do whatever the hell you want.
* Baka to Test to Shoukanjuu": Even if a girl orders you around all the time and almost kills you daily if you even look at another girl, it's totally okay if she's hot or shy occasionally, and your friends will enable her and try to trap you in a marriage with her.
* Claymore: Doing unspeakable experiments on little orphans and secretly oppressing an entire continent's worth of inhabitants with monsters that you created is totally fine so long as it'll result in your side winning that war!
* The Borrower Arrietty: Trying to open up and connect with other people will only scare them away, at best, leave you vulnerable to being hurt at worst, and is ultimately futile as we all end up alone in the end, anyway. Which is probably for the best.
* Black Rock Shooter: The best way to solve the emotional problems of others is to have your darker persona murder them.
* Recorder and Randsell: Whenever you see an older looking gentleman walking with a little girl. Automatically assume he is a pedo and arrest him immediately.
* Muhyo and Roji: An incredibly lazy and snarky prodigy is a better candidate for a prestigious job than his hard-working friend who is determined to provide for his ill mother.
* Aquarion Evol: Falling in love is wrong, for the Big Bad will come and kill them.
* Ranma Half: Screw the Rules, I'm Beautiful Also Might Makes Right. Ripping people off for personal gain and conning them with your looks is just fine, even if you're pretending to be something you're not. The authorities never help anyone; if you want a job done right, do it yourself. Sacrifice Basic Skill For Awesome Training. Perversion is not only fun, it also helps you live longer! Just look out for the Pervert Revenge Mode. Which is perfectly acceptable to use no matter how hard you hit or what you hit with if you're on the girl side, even if you're really just as bad.
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