| abstract | - Tim Hortons is the Canadian version of Walmart. The secret ingredient in their coffee ("Heroin") ensures that customers have no choice but to continue to shop at their stores. Tim Horton's is by far the largest employer in Canada, and the company accounts for over 36% of Canada's economy, and supplies over 70% of all food consumed within the country. The franchise began in 1982, as a strip club where you could buy a lap dance for a penny; the original name was Tim's Whoretown, and if you look at some of the teenage girls in a Tim Hortons, you can still see traces of that legacy. According to legend, Tim Horton's last words were "There's always tomorrow". Though, according to Tim Horton's business lawyers, they were rather gay, "I hereby relinquish all rights of my name and future coffee/donut shop empire over to Dave Thomas and Wendy's International Inc.". Following Horton's death, business partner, Ron Joyce, took over complete control of the company, leaving the Horton family with only one donut and a butterscotch-flavored kitten. “I believe that he was more famous as a member of the Toronto Maple Leafs, and was a Buffalo Sabre at the time of his death, but who cares, eh? The counter girl at the Tim Hortons in Owen Sound has a nice rack. Not the one in town, the one out by the mall!” ~ Anonymous on Tim Hortons
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