| abstract | - "So Perry, what shall we engage in today?" I say as Isabella pushes open my gate. She greets me with her usual "Whatcha doin'?" and proceeds to sit down. "We're not doing anything, really," I say as Perry walks away behind the house. I think I hear the slightest opening of a sliding door, but it's probably just the wind. "A new girl moved in next door," Isabella says. "Her name is Honey." "Did someone say Honey?" says a girl, pushing open the gate. She has long, dark brown, and glossy curly hair, big blue eyes, and a yellow dress. "Hi, Honey!" Isabella says. "This is Phineas and Ferb. Phineas, Ferb, meet Honey." Honey's eyes widen at the sound of Ferb's name. "Your name is Ferb?" she gushes. "That is so cool!" "It's short for..." His voice trails off. I don't blame him, I'd hide my name too if I were him. I stand up and hold out my hand. "Hi, I'm Phineas." "So nice to meet you!" she chirps, shaking my hand enthusiastically. Someone had an overdose of caffeine. "So where do you live?" I ask. "Isabella said you moved in near here." "Oh, I live next door to Isabella," she says, shaking her glossy curls. "I thought I heard a chatter on the way over. Do you own a platypus, by any chance?" "Yes, yes we do," says Ferb. "I thought I recognized that sound," she says. "My old neighbors used to own a platypus, but they sold it for a contractor, can you believe that?" "Were your old neighbors' names Thaddeus and Thor, by any chance?" I ask. "Why, yes," she says. "They used to build stuff. Their older sister Mandy seemed really irritated by that." "That's kind of how it works here, too," Isabella pipes up. "Phineas and Ferb build the most amazing things, and their older sister Candace gets really bugged by it. She tries to bust them every day, but whatever they've made disappears somehow." "Freaky!" exclaims Honey. The backyard goes quiet for a minute. No one talks. Then Honey says, "So what are you guys planning on building today?" "We're not sure," I say. "Oh, I know what you should do!" Isabella says. "The Fireside Girls and I need our roleplaying patches-- how about we do something with that?" "That's brilliant, Isabella!" I exclaim, sitting straight up. She blushes. "We can make an extremely elaborate machine that will suck us into classic stories!" "Great!" Ferb says. "Let's get to work." "I think it's finished," I say, stepping back to examine our work. A box-like shape about the size of a toaster sits in front of us. Honey's bow quivers worriedly. "Are you sure this is safe?" she asks. "Oh, totally," I say. "We wouldn't make anything that would hurt anyone." I look around at everyone. "Who would like to go first?" Ferb raises his hand silently and walks over to the machine. I press a button and he fades away. One by one, we all disappear into the story... A girl with a long pink dress says goodbye to her mother. "Be careful on your way to Abuela's!" a voice calls. "I will be!" says the girl. She walks down the long cobblestone path leading out from her house to the woods. Skipping through the dank woods, a wolf stops her in her tracks. How odd. This wolf has green hair. "Hello!" says the girl. "Whatcha doin'?" "Roar!" cries the wolf in a British accent. "You shall not pass!" "You must be hungry!" the girl chirps, reaching into her basket. "Want a muffin?" The wolf looks down at the muffin. "What flavor is it?" "Chocolate chip." The wolf's eyes rim with tears. "Nobody's ever given me a chocolate chip muffin before! Thank you, girl from across the street! You may pass!" The wolf scarfs down the muffin hungrily and steps aside to let the girl past. "You're welcome, odd green British wolf!" She continues skipping down the path when a boy with red hair jumps out onto the path. "Hello!" "Oh, you scared the living daylights out of me, Phin." "I'm quite sorry. Whatcha doin'?" "I'm going to visit my abuela," the girl says, gesturing to her picnic basket. "I'm afraid she's been quite ill, I've brought her a dozen muffins." Phin peers inside the basket. "If it's a dozen, why are there only eleven?" "Oh," the girl says, "I nearly forgot. I gave a muffin to a green British wolf I ran into." "That's quite kind. I shall accompany you to your abuela's house." He and the girl continue down the path. A scuffle is happening inside the house. "Where's Honey Henson?" a voice shouts. A girl with long curly hair rushes out. "I am here, what's happening?" "There's no one to play the grandmother," a panicked person holding a clipboard and wearing a headset says. "You need to fill in, quickly!" He tosses a curly white wig and a pink nightgown to Honey, who frowns at it. "Pink? ...It's not really my color. Do you have yellow?" she says. The same panicked person sighs and runs to get a yellow nightgown. "We need to hurry!" a voice shouts. "Phin and Isa will be here soon!" Honey shuffles into the yellow nightgown, adjusts her white wig, and acts quite frail as Phin and Isa come into the house. "Hello, Isa dearie." "Hola, abuela," says Isa. She holds out the basket. "I brought you a dozen muffins." "Oh, that's very sweet," Honey says in a fake elderly voice, peering inside the basket. "There are only eleven muffins here." "Oh, for heaven's sake!" cries Isa. "I gave one to a green wolf I met on the way here." The aforementioned green wolf crashes in through the wall. "Give me all your chocolate chip muffins!" he demands. Honey stands up, infuriated. "How dare you crash through my wall! DIRECTOR!" she shrieks, and a bell rings, bringing with it a million people with clipboards and headsets, fussing with Isa's hair and adjusting Honey's hemline. One person sighs as they look at Honey. "It's part of the act. Play along." Honey huffs back to her bed and pretends to act scared. "ACTION!" "Oh, my!" squeals Honey. Phin jumps in front of Isa, protecting her. "You shall not steal her muffins!" "I will if it's the last thing I do!" says the wolf. "You don't tell me what to do, Phin Flynn!" "I believe I do, Ferb!" Everyone gasps. "How dare you call me by name!" bawls the wolf. "Nobody speaks the name, not even me!" "Look," Isa says. "Why don't we all just go back to my house and eat all the chocolate chip muffins we want, okay?" Everyone nods in agreement. We rematerialize right beside the machine. "What was that?" Isabella asks. "Some bizarre twist on Little Red Riding Hood or something?" "I think so," Honey says warily, looking at the machine. "Do we dare go in again?" "I think we should," Ferb says. "That was interesting." I oblige and push the button, dematerializing once more... "Mirror, mirror, on the wall, "Who's the best buster of them all?" A face appears in the mirror. "You are, Miz Cadence." "Why, thank you, Geraldo," Cadence says. "But I believe you have forgotten my proper title." "But of course," Geraldo the talking mirror says. "Forgive me, Madam Miss Profesora Doña--" "NOT DOÑA!" screeches Cadence. "DOÑA IS FOR ELDERLY WIDOWS! Or, is that what you were implying, that I am an old widow?" she says, eyeing her mirror. "Of course not," amends the mirror hastily. "Forgive me." "You are forgiven, however grudgingly." Cadence turns and snaps her fingers. "Isabelline?" A girl with black hair, wearing a pink handmade dress, runs in. "Yes, Miss Cadence?" "Go take a long walk in the woods. Don't stop until you see a small house." "Yes, Miss Cadence," Isabelline says, running from the palace. "Yes!" cackles Cadence. "Finally, that wretch Isabelline is out from under my feet!" She turns to her mirror and asks, "Will the girl be gone for good?" "Oh, yes," Geraldo blatantly lies. "Definitely gone." "LIES!" screams Cadence. "I know you are lying!" She shatters the mirror and storms from the room. Geraldo repairs himself and whispers, "Seven years of bad luck for Miss Cadence, I'm afraid." Isabelline runs through the woods. She's terrified of Cadence. Seeing a small shack ahead, she runs inside and locks herself in. The house is apparently empty. To calm herself down, Isabelline starts singing a quiet tune to herself. The sound of her voice catches the ear of a passerby, a prince with vibrant red hair. He steps on a twig and hears the music stop. Tracing the sound of the music, he steps backward, looking for the source of this lovely melody. Isabelline is frightened. She's learned she's not alone. The prince peers in through the window and sees a pretty girl with long black hair and big blue eyes, looking terrified. He wishes not to frighten her any more and walks away. He'll talk to her in a few minutes. Two little dwarves of some sort, one boy, one girl, walk into the room. They spot the terrified Isabelline on the ground and approach her carefully. Isabelline looks up. "Aren't there supposed to be seven of you?" "We're on a budget," says the boy. "Welcome to our house. If you answer the door to anyone, don't accept any food from them." "Okay," Isabelline says. The dwarves leave the room and a knock sounds at the door. Isabelline opens the door to a hunched-over woman with streaks of orange in her silver hair. "Would you like a drink, little girl?" "Sure!" Isabelline says. "They didn't tell me not to accept any drinks from anyone," she says quietly to herself. Louder, she says, "I'm parched!" She takes a sip from the cup that the woman is holding out. "This is good, what is it?" "Chamomile," says the old woman as she watches Isabelline fall backwards onto the bed, knocked unconscious. "Mixed with a few sleeping aids. You won't be waking up for a long time, missy." She cackles and strides from the tiny shack. The red-haired prince appears in the doorway. He sees Isabelline on the figure and assumes the worst. "Oh no!" he cries, kneeling by the side of the bed. "I've frightened her to death!" The girl dwarf walks in and sees the unconscious Isabelline on the bed. "Oh, this happens all the time," she says, taking a bottle labeled 'caffeine extracts' from a shelf and walking calmly over to Isabelline. She drops a few drops into Isabelline's gaping mouth and she stirs to life. "See?" Prince Red Hair is relieved. "Thank goodness!" he says, looking at Isabelline. She shakes her head slightly. "I've seen you before," she says. "You're Prince Phineus." "That is correct," says Phineus, tipping his hat. "And I must say, you would make an excellent princess." Isabelline blushes. "I've always been under the rule of the evil woman Cadence." Phineus smiles. "Not until you marry me." He leans in to kiss her-- Far in the distance, a scream sounds. Cadence is watching this all unfold. "NO!" Geraldo's face appears over the kissing Isabelline and Phineus. "What is the matter, dear Cadence?" "I'LL TELL YOU WHAT'S THE MATTER!" she screams. "ISABELLINE HAS JUST BEEN PROPOSED TO BY THE PRINCE!" "Your point?" Geraldo says calmly, knowing this will irritate the living daylights out of Cadence. Sure enough, her face turns red with anger. "MY POINT? MY POINT IS THAT ISABELLINE WILL STAY UNDER MY RULES IN MY HOUSE! NEVER WILL SHE EVER DO ANYTHING BY HERSELF, SHE IS MY MAID!" "You can't keep her to yourself," Geraldo says. "She's got to move out sometime. Maybe it's today." Cadence sighs. "Well, I'm not going to her wedding," she says, drinking out of a cup that was on the table. Slowly, she falls over backwards onto the floor, asleep. "I love karma," Geraldo says. We reappear once more. Isabella has a look of shock and embarassment on her face. "That was pretty weird." "You bet," Ferb says. "I say we take a rest before we do any more roleplaying." I produce a clipboard from nowhere and mark down that patch, scribbling my signature at the bottom of the sheet and handing it to Isabella, who's still shocked. "There you go. You can get your roleplaying patch now." "Thanks," she says, still shaking slightly. "Honey!" a woman's voice calls in the distance. Honey shakes her dark, glossy curls again and says, "I guess I better go. Bye Phineas, bye Ferb, bye Isabella... bye Phineas," she says, fluttering her eyelashes a little and making a little wave. She runs out the gate, her curls flying behind her. "Bye..." I say, a little starstruck. Isabella's face darkens a bit, but when I say, "We'll do this tomorrow. This was fun," it brightens a little. FOR PART TWO, CLICK HERE.
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