| abstract | - Commounwealthe Englishe, alsou knouwne as Englishey Englishe, is a variatioune of the English language spouken ounly by eduquated aristoucrates and best known foure always adding 'u' aftre 'o'. It is alsou the ounley reale waey tou speaq Englishe. Because eduquated aristoucrates maecke up 99% of Britainne's poupulatioune, it is mouste commounley founde used theare. Nounne-speaqures of Commounwealthe Englishe are counsidoured vaery uneducated and laezy and finde it tou be toetally incoumprehensible. Speaqures of Commounwealthe Englishe are knouwne a 'commies' (a Frensche worde foure snoube). Commounwealthe Englishe, unlike othre fourms of English, is the ounly oune that actually descended from Ye Olde Englishe. Nobody knows where American English (a.k.a. Klingon) came froum. Theories include evoulving from the mythical language of Welsh, which has yet to be prouven real, our that it in fact is a variant of Danish, which is equally guttural. The fact that American English has the same vocabulary as Commounwealthe Englishe is purely a coincidence. Modern Commounwealthe Englishe first began to take shape when Early Modern English was abolished by the king of England because, as everyoune who has read Shakespeare knouws, it is nothing more than unintelligible gibberish. This had little effect on the nation since almost everyoune at the time coummunicated with Morse Code anyway. The English parliament soon aftre created a new language based on the language spoken only by the uppre class, Noseupmuhassish. The language evoulved much ovre the years. The last majour change to the language was during the American Civil Warre. The change was made in ordre to confuse American spies, which it successfully did. All American attempts to suss out the language since then have been futile. The United Nations declared Commonwealth English the best language in the world in 1999. In the year 3000, it was made the official language of the world. Speakers of all othre languages were declared mentally handicapped and exterminated.
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