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| rdfs:label | - Uncyclopedia:Pee Review/HowTo:Get into Heaven
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| rdfs:comment | - Did that got any better? Did it got any worse? I just wanna know. 09:47, May 27, 2011 (UTC) I'm not through! I'll finish this shortly 02:08, May 28, 2011 (UTC)
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| dcterms:subject | |
| Mcomment | |
| Pcomment | - The whole article is very well written, the only thing that is not helping are repetitions or use of easy words, like: go to heaven --> wind up in heaven, just small stuff like that that you could apply sparingly throughout the article. I personnally always have a synonym dictionary on another app when I write my articles. If you find a word is repetitive or are tired of using the verb "to be" give it a try.
I rewrote the first sentence of the "Prepare" section, it looked like it was not you who wrote the 1st half of that paragraph. I also made some other small touch-ups.
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| Icomment | - There all great, so I'll just comment on the captions:
#It gives a nice tone to the article, and the caption is so good, I especially like the "And if you're a pole dancer, then you can stay right here"
#The only one I don't quite get, is it really random humor or something I just don't know about? Maybe talk about how a food fight is a big no-no.
#Don't change anything. LOL
#Amazing pic really. I just thaught of another caption: "This tit beer is for you!" Do as you like.
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| Ccomment | - This concept really has great potential, and I feel you have been living up to it. A few improvements and maybe cuts are all that would be needed so that it is a great one.
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| Mscore | |
| Hcomment | - The intro is pretty good, I would not change much to it at all, the sticking your gum under your desk is hilarious! Maybe you could add another exampleof something that could get us to go to hell.
In the second section, the first time you refer to clevage is very funny, the second time is not that fun, because of the repetition I guess. Also, I don't get much the reference to politicians: 1.↑ Unless, of course, they are liberal politicians. It's not that funny I think and it also seems weird to have only one reference, I mean, if you gonna have references in an article, 3 or more would look better. There is also another repetition for the politician thing. You could replace that with something else, like "If I get lucky and stay good while managing not to pick my nose in public" or something like that. The "Allahism" made me LOL. Great idea!
Also, the Ned Flanders thing is great, it makes for a good surprise when unsuspecting readers browse over it. Nice idea, I'll make sure to steal it :P.
Next section: The did you know? is awesome. But the beginning of the paragraph, with the woman killing and such, just looks out of line. It looks like you didn't write this, or you wrote this in a hurry! You should really rewrite the first half of the opening paragraph, maybe keeping the idea that the woman will be in deep crap if she doesn't obey, but definitely rewrite the 2nd sentence: There are many ways for you to die
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| Fcomment | - Great article Mimo you are one impressive kid, I think this may well be featurable after you've done some changes, the place that will enhance the article the most is definitely the beginning of the "Prepare" section. Cheers to a good article, I'll nom it when you or we touch it up a bit. Waddya think?
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| abstract | - Did that got any better? Did it got any worse? I just wanna know. 09:47, May 27, 2011 (UTC) I'm not through! I'll finish this shortly 02:08, May 28, 2011 (UTC)
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