| abstract | - John Madden Books - The renown John Madden, unknown to many, has written many books of varying lengths about differing subjects. He has several different series, including the "How To" Series and the "Explanation" Series. The following breaks down the pieces of art that come from the John Madden. Every book includes a DVD of the author diagramming everything on a Telestrator. The books are all 200 pages in length. Page 100 is the only page with text, and this text is the title. The cover also has artwork depicting the title, and some of the covers have very grandiose artwork. Some critics believe the blank pages are Madden's attempt to enlighten his audience through introspection, reminiscient of the great Socrates, as the blank pages would let the audience write or think on the subject matter for themselves. However, when asked to comment on his style of writing Madden simply stated, "I do it for the children. And Al, my best friend." Al Michaels, to whom Madden is referring, denied that he and Madden are anymore than co-workers. "He follows me around everywhere I go," said Michaels, "and apparently he's bankrupt. He's parked a trailer home on my front lawn and uses my house whenever he feels like it. It's crazy I tell you; don't listen to what that man has to say!" After this comment, Madden gave Michaels a hug. Madden's self-proclaimed agent Panama (a red-eyed tree frog) states that Madden's books are the best thing that one can buy. "Ya can't beat John's logic, eh?" says Panama, "this here's a smart man; I've already bought four of each of the books, and I'm buying more as we speak." Panama says this as he swipes his credit card to make another $800 purchase, the second one within the hour. Clearly, Madden has found an agent worthy of his book business. --- This just in, John Madden has been declared the ugliest human being of all-time, an accomplishment he greatly treasures. "I always knew I was an ugly man, but this is fantastic, eh Al?" says Madden as he talks to Al Michaels. "John, this is not something you should be proud of," replied Al, "being the ugliest man in history is in no way an accomplishment by any means. Are you really that dumb to think that?" "You know what, Al? I like punching babies." It seems that not only is John Madden the ugliest man in history physically, he also has some serious mental issues. (The preceeding information was used as background information on the author in order to help the reader determine the kind of person that writes this genre of books.)
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