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| rdfs:label | - Uncyclopedia:Pee Review/Timmy Turner
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| rdfs:comment | - 99.123.142.197 05:32, June 25, 2011 (UTC) mkay -- 06:08, June 25, 2011 (UTC)
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| dcterms:subject | |
| Mcomment | |
| Pcomment | - Eh, Well I have a number of issue with the formatting the most obvious is the lack of links to other articles. Links to articles benefit humour and make your article look well thought out and dedicated to this is issue the first.
The images formatting needs help to they should follow on like this
In order ot make your images more presentable.
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| Icomment | - I can't fault you with your choice of images, but I can fault you for not having enough add more images to support each point, and include images of other characters. I might also recommend that with your first image you find a better resolution image.
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| Pscore | |
| Ccomment | - Your concept is very under developed and needs work stat! You portray him as an evil mass murderer yes? The concept you should use is to protray him as someone close to how he actually is. This is key to concept improvment and your whole articles survival. If your unclear what I mean by this check out Uncyclopedia:Best of and observe the concepts used in this article aren't far fetched and re-motely beleiiveably. Improve your concept and so to will your humour!
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| Cscore | |
| Mscore | |
| Hcomment | - Introduction My first advice is can the over used its not funny in the slightest. As for the remainder of the intoduction LOLRANDOM! No seriously you need to make it slightly believable to produce satire and humour. Randomnessit not really good for Uncyclopedia with a few exceptions, but that is the general rule.
Early Life - Oh dear the immediate reference to 9-11 suggests more random and is murdering your humour. I'd suggest deleting this whole section and starting from scrath and it should be a tad longer than a few sentences just saying. Also note, internal links can hepl your humour. I will discuss use of links later on.
Crime Spree - Delet this entire section do not provide a re-write you cannot turn it into something funny. Nobody can. mean think about it. Mass murder? even the section header of Crime Spree is just random.
Death - Also I'd cut this section out, randomness is entirely throughout your article and ths is another major source of it.
Personality - Kee this section but start it again and include it earlier in the article not at the end, because your article needs to flow with some sort of sequence.
As a final note some useful suggested sections:
*TV life
*Rise to fame
*Friends and family
etc...
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| Iscore | |
| Hscore | |
| Fcomment | - Its not finsihed yet, so do not dispair about my low scoring! Work on it really hard. If you have an account I'll gladly userspace it for you, if you don't make one and I'll do so. Work on it and once you think you are finished I'll give it a second review.
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| dbkwik:uncyclopedia/property/wikiPageUsesTemplate | |
| Signature | |
| abstract | - 99.123.142.197 05:32, June 25, 2011 (UTC) mkay -- 06:08, June 25, 2011 (UTC)
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