| rdfs:comment | - Death has long been one of America's favourite national past times ever since the disease-riddled Colonial days, back when communal bath water was for drinkin', your cousin was for marryin' and rats made the most delicious pets. In that blissfully feverous era death was one of few activities one could engage in that wouldn’t lead to sickness, so naturally some impatient people couldn’t wait to get in the ground and chose to be buried alive, just to rush toward the fun. Building upon this proud tradition, more people die within the United States each year than everywhere else in the known universe combined, which has nothing to do with our inoperable public education system, lack of socialized health care or the Second Amendment — we're just really good at what little we set out to accompli
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| abstract | - Death has long been one of America's favourite national past times ever since the disease-riddled Colonial days, back when communal bath water was for drinkin', your cousin was for marryin' and rats made the most delicious pets. In that blissfully feverous era death was one of few activities one could engage in that wouldn’t lead to sickness, so naturally some impatient people couldn’t wait to get in the ground and chose to be buried alive, just to rush toward the fun. Building upon this proud tradition, more people die within the United States each year than everywhere else in the known universe combined, which has nothing to do with our inoperable public education system, lack of socialized health care or the Second Amendment — we're just really good at what little we set out to accomplish. Chapter One deals with the many preparations leading up to the moment of passing and answers several difficult questions, such as:
* How long will this whole thing take?
* Why does everyone insist on crying?
* Can I bypass the Estate Tax by forgoing a Last Will and Testament in favour of a backyard bonfire which, while less traditional, is certainly a more theatrical and less troublesome dissolution of a lifetime of personal property? and even...
* So... I'm allowed to wet the bed one last time, right? You'll also discover an in-depth guide to interpreting your family’s veiled hints as to what inheritances they're really after, a smattering of ideas for your final practical joke and tips on finding the right black market for your organs. Plus, twenty ways to demand porn. Finally, the chapter ends with an interesting anecdote relating the tale of the Egyptian God Osiris, and how his violent death at his brother’s hands causes New Orleans to flood every year, just to give you something ridiculous to think about with your final few minutes of brain activity, in case the porn wasn't enough.
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