| abstract | - Announcer: And now it's time for "Bum Reviews" with Chester A. Bum. Tonight's review: "Tron Legacy." Chester: OH MY GOD, this is the greatest movie I've ever seen in my life! Um... Something really clever having to do with Tron-- Spoilers! There's this movie that came out called "Tron." And it was a gigantic bomb! But then all these geeks and movie buffs gathered together and said, "It wasn't that bad." So they made a bajillion dollar sequel! So the first movie is about how Jeff Bridges went into a video game. I went into a video game once! Mario is actually Scottish. But the second movie is about how Jeff Bridges goes into a video game and never returns! I...never had that happen. But his son named Sam vows to find him. So Sam gets sucked into the world known as the Grid. Which pretty much looks like the last 10 minutes of "2001"! And he comes across Jeff Bridges! Only it's not Jeff Bridges. It is another Jeff Bridges! Wait a minute. A movie with Jeff Bridges and two mistaken identities? OH MY GOD! It's "The Big Lebowski 2"! (imitating Jeff Bridges) "Yeah, man, I'll save the universe. Just pour me another white Russian." AWESOME! So it turns out there's two different kinds of Jeff Bridges. The older one. "Dude." And the younger one! (in growly tone) "Dude." The younger one's not so nice. You see, the older one programmed the younger one to create this utopian society. "It'll be awesome, man! We'll all be drinkin' and smokin' pot and listenin' to pointless Sam Elliott cameos." But the young Bridges is like, "In order for everything to be perfect, all flaws must be destroyed!" "Far out, man." "You're flawed." "Oh." "Die!" (punches) So the older Jeff Bridges escapes to the outskirts of the Grid, where nobody else can go. Why? (Goes to say something, then pauses) ...There's a really hot chick in it! Her name is Quorra, and she's part of a group of people who just invented themselves! "We were just born one day and decided to create ourselves." "Far out." But the young Jeff Bridges is like, "They are flawed. I'm gonna blow them all up!" "Well, nobody's perfect." "Yet." (Mimicks pressing button, explosion is heard) "Dude!" "Now they are." So Jeff Bridges' son is like, "How come you never came back?" "The portal can only be open for a certain amount of time, man." "Why is that?" "Science, babble, science, babble, science, science, science, babble, babble, science, science, babble, science, science, science, babble. ...Science." "Babble?" "Babble." So they figure out that only way to get out of there is talk to a guy named Zuse! And I'm like, "Dude, 'Thor' is coming out next year." P.S.: That looks awesome. So Zuse is like, "Heeyy! Wooww! Woooo! I can take you to Zuse and it's not me!" "Are you Zuse?" "Yeah." "Aw, dude, you just Yoda'd my ass!" "Did Yoda also try to betray and kill you?" "No." "Good! I'll throw that in for free." (snaps fingers and mimicks shooting) "Daahhh!" (runs away) But luckily Quorra comes in to save him and so does the old Jeff Bridges! And the old Jeff Bridges is like, "Dude, man, we can make it to the portal! It's open again." "But let me guess. (together) We don't have a lot of time." "Dude." So they rush to the portal as fast as they can! By using these TIE fighters that were made by Lite Brite! (singing) Lite Brite, Lite Brite, the perfect device to start a fight! Word. So there's a lot of flying and dying and shooting and screaming! Sounds like my family reunion. Until they finally get to the portal. But young Jeff Bridges is there to stop them! "Dude!" "Dude." "I'm sorry I made you such a dick, man." "It's cool. Now die!" (punches) But Sam and Quorra slip past him and make it to the portal. And the young Jeff Bridges tries to stop 'em! (Charges across screen) But the old Jeff Bridges sucks him back! (Goes back across screen) Kaboom! They both destroy each other, and Sam and Quorra get away! So why couldn't old Jeff Bridges use those sucking powers before? (Goes to say something, then pauses) ...There's a really hot chick in it! So, Sam goes on to owning his own company, Quorra starts her own business called "Make Yourself Yourself," and they all live happily ever after! (pause) ...Oh yeah, and Tron was in it briefly. Very briefly. In fact, you barely see him. You know, for a movie series called "Tron", you don't see much of Tron in the second one! It's like calling "Schindler's List"... "Pancake"! Sure, it's a decent movie, but I wanna see a pancake! Or some oatmeal. That'd be a good twist. This is Chester A. Bum saying CHANGE?! Ya got change?! Aw c'mon, help a guy out, will ya?! C'mon, change! C'mon, help me make the movie "Pancake"! I even got a sequel called "Pancake: New Moon"!
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