| abstract | - Seventeenth century England was a dangerous place; politically uneasy and religiously intolerant. But not intolerant enough for Pastor William Brewster who expelled himself from the Church of England when the General Synod disagreed that evading Roman excise duties by miraculously producing wine proved Jesus had deserved crucifixion. In 1604 King James I decreed puritans to be "undesirable" as his interests had moved onto young girls, and it seemed increasingly likely that Brewster's minions would be expelled from the Nottinghamshire village of Scooby due to persistent allegations of "interfering [with] kids". Where could Brewster and his followers live where they could create a society in their own image, where laughter would be punishable by death and non-procreative sex prohibited (except with livestock)? Rumours abounded of a vast land across the mighty Atlantic Ocean inhabited only by savages ripe for being disapproved of and then exterminated. But how would they get there? By 1607 Brewster had amassed a fortune in the manufacture of ducking-stools for witch-drowning and had placed an advertisement in the Puritan News-sheet "The Burning Issue" asking for “Gentlefolk of good character for the colonisation of a New World to the glory of God (No drunkards, no Jews, no third nipples.)” Soon over 100 applicants had assembled in Humberside and by early 1608 had boarded ship despite the interference of James I’s government. Within days they had landed at Amsterdam, following Brewster’s confusion of the Hull-Hook of Holland ferry with the Speedwell, the ship he had chartered for the journey. Undeterred by this set back, the Pilgrims settled around Leiden where Brewster bought an estate and began a match-making business to aid Prince Morits of Nassau in his righteous quest to incinerate the remaining Catholics in the Lowlands. By 1615, however, many in the community began to fear that the Dutch people were a corrupting influence, their melodic language and tulips turning the young Pilgrims against their families. Brewster made two decisions: first he decreed that all Pilgrims should adopt clogs of un-sanded gopher-wood to remind the wearers of the suffering of Noah on the high seas, and secondly to appeal to the British government for a grant of land in the Americas where they could create a society of their own without fear of persecution for their choice of pointy headwear. When land on the Hudson River was granted, 121 intrepid men, women and children set out in the re-chartered Speedwell and newly commissioned Mayflower. Surely it was these brave souls who laid the foundations of American liberty.
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