PropertyValue
rdf:type
rdfs:label
  • Kid Icarus
rdfs:comment
  • In a time where man didn’t exist at all, the kingdom of the Crouch-On-A-Platform-And-You-Fall-In-The-Void Land was ruled by two goddesses living in a lesbian relationship: Palutena the Goddess of interior decoration, oral medication and brainwashing (played by Martha Stewart); and Medusa the Goddess of beer, scotch tape and the secret lover of the Flying Spaghetti Monster. While Palutena was busy trying to sell overpriced stuff to the almost penniless inhabitants of the land, Medusa tried to cheer them up by filling up the cities with strippers of both sexes and beer fountain. Enraged, Palutena transformed Medusa into a hideous monster (Paris Hilton) and banished her to an ex-gay reverse therapy in (the then unnamed) Wyoming.
dcterms:subject
dbkwik:uncyclopedia/property/wikiPageUsesTemplate
Platform
  • pillar/cardboard box/milk crate
Genre
  • wax wing-y
Caption
  • Imagine what this mighty warrior might say were she alive today. She just might say something like "Yarr, I'm Kid Icarus."
Title
  • Kid Icarus
Modes
Released
  • NEVER
Engine
  • Metroid
Developer
Rating
  • PRIVATEER
Publisher
Designer
  • arnold, Mr Haigo, Makorin
O-Wilde
  • Not a chance. The game is too hard for even him/her.
abstract
  • In a time where man didn’t exist at all, the kingdom of the Crouch-On-A-Platform-And-You-Fall-In-The-Void Land was ruled by two goddesses living in a lesbian relationship: Palutena the Goddess of interior decoration, oral medication and brainwashing (played by Martha Stewart); and Medusa the Goddess of beer, scotch tape and the secret lover of the Flying Spaghetti Monster. While Palutena was busy trying to sell overpriced stuff to the almost penniless inhabitants of the land, Medusa tried to cheer them up by filling up the cities with strippers of both sexes and beer fountain. Enraged, Palutena transformed Medusa into a hideous monster (Paris Hilton) and banished her to an ex-gay reverse therapy in (the then unnamed) Wyoming. But unfortunately for Palutena, the people didn’t notice and continued to party 24/7 all over C-O-A-P-A-Y-F land. Syrens where flying around with their boobs hanging out, Plutons became vicious kleptomaniacs and hallucinogenic eggplants started to grow everywhere. The goddess declared war and she assembled an army of Avon Ladies and computer geeks to bring order to the herd, but they quickly became corrupted by the overflow of gaysex and alcohol. Soon, the population invaded the royal palace, overwhelmed Palutena and tied her to a leather sling to be use as a living cum receptacle/urinal. Defeated and humiliated, Palutena's only hope was to seek the help of Pit, a sexless, ever faithful little angel banished in a cell block in Hades by her for wearing a toga and having some useless tiny wings. So she uses her vastly limited god-like abilities and sends him the best weapon she can think of while being raped constantly: a pink multi-vibration mode magical dildo. The dildo appeared to Pit a flash of rainbow light with the message: She then proceeded to explain that he needed the three sacred treasures to do so, but Pit had some difficulty to understand because she seemingly had her mouth full. Now armed and presumably dangerous, Pit took days to prepare himself for a foolproof plan he made up: lure in the prison guards in his cell with the magic dildo and beat them up with it. After a week of waiting, he found out that his cell door was unlocked and that that guards were in a room next to him, drunk, naked and drinking each other's urine. He also found out the entire prison was now a night club. After some intense bodysurfing session, Pit was finally able to make it out of the prison/club main floor into a cell with a Black Marketeer. He used all his ability as a dealer the trade the a pink multi-vibration mode magical dildo with a bow that shoot arrows only three feets away. Leaving the cell as the Black Marketeer shouted: "Ah Ah Ah! Thanks a lot!", Pit walked straight to the front door of the prison/night club and started his long journey to save his beloved Palentuna.