| abstract | - Contrary to popular belief, the Earth was not created in a meager six days. For a good chunk of time the Earth was just a big boiling
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* zygote . Several billion years later, it finally got cool enough for water to form. After another billion years the most very basic plants appeared, followed by the animals another hundred-thousand years later. But these creatures just got so big and cocky that God felt like being anti-productive, so he sent a big rock into the Earth and those animals died. Then things got biblical. God took his favorite swine and proceeded to slaughter it. From the dead body, he took some ribs and turned them into dust. Miraculously (and against all scientific principles), that dust somehow managed to form the first human beings. However, the female was not too bright, and fell victim to a sly serpent who told her, of all things, to eat an apple. As a punishment, God decided to take away humans’ immortality, along with their ability to go super-saiyan. After this incident, life went on as normal, aside from the massive accounts of incest. Things got so disgusting, God sent a flood to wipe out all of the sinners and their inbreed offspring, leaving only eight to survive (little did he know that doing this would only trigger another massive wave of incest).
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