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  • William Marsh Rice
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  • From a young age, Rice exhibited qualities that were the stuff of American folk-legend. Reputedly born with a “hammer in one hand and beer in the other,” the infant William also crushed diamonds while teething, had a cry loud enough to shake mountains, and was beating up bears before he could even walk. This trend intensified as he grew older, and by the time of his death, his exploits included discovering and conquering no fewer than six countries and three planets, beating Teddy Roosevelt, Superman, and God in a drinking contest, refloating Atlantis just so he could sink it again himself, and single-handedly destroying the moon, twice. Also a brilliant scientist and renown inventor, Rice has been credited with inventing and popularizing such items as whiskey, pants, and the number 3, as
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abstract
  • From a young age, Rice exhibited qualities that were the stuff of American folk-legend. Reputedly born with a “hammer in one hand and beer in the other,” the infant William also crushed diamonds while teething, had a cry loud enough to shake mountains, and was beating up bears before he could even walk. This trend intensified as he grew older, and by the time of his death, his exploits included discovering and conquering no fewer than six countries and three planets, beating Teddy Roosevelt, Superman, and God in a drinking contest, refloating Atlantis just so he could sink it again himself, and single-handedly destroying the moon, twice. Also a brilliant scientist and renown inventor, Rice has been credited with inventing and popularizing such items as whiskey, pants, and the number 3, as well as with the construction of the alcohol-fueled cybernetics that were used to replace what amounted to nearly half his original body over the course of his extra-terrestrial military campaigns.