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| rdfs:label | - Uncyclopedia:Pee Review/The Wire
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| rdfs:comment | - The main article's just about complete, though the characters section is far from done. Still, I consider that to be more of a "bonus round" for Wire fans like myself, as it's 90% internal references, quotes, and video clips that speak for themselves better than any amount of comedy writing could hope to accomplish. Therefore, review the main beef. -- 06:31, May 31, 2011 (UTC) I'll get it. -- 20:03, July 8, 2011 (UTC)
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| Mcomment | - The number of episodes of the wire I've seen... +7...Tom Waits!
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| Pcomment | |
| Icomment | - All of the images are good, but few of them are spectacular. It'd be nice to see one or two more, perhaps in keeping with the concept you could use more pics from the real show, but present them as cityscapes or local notables. You don't have an image in the intro either, which just seems weird . Perhaps a DVD case/promotional poster passed off as a travel brochure?
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| Ccomment | - I like the concept of The Wire being the actual city, and the way it parallels the show itself. But I think a lot of the stuff about the show "Baltimore" seems like flab, and doesn't seem to make quite as much sense. This whole chunk, for instance, is too much: "However, most remained ignorant of the city and its culture until patriarchal overlords Ed Burns XIV and David Simon XII struck a deal with premium television provider HBO to develop a series named Baltimore based upon the city's rich history. Plot lines followed the actions of fictionalized cop Timmy McNorbit as he thwarts the criminal workings of the drug-peddling Baltimore Organization, named after the eponymous Avon Baltimore. The show's success resulted in a symbiotic evolution of both series and city in one of the strangest examples of life imitating art." The idea of The Wire being the city is great, but the idea of Baltimore being a show isn't particularly funny in my opinion. You get away with the quick reference in the introduction because it's just a funny punchline, but I think the trimming of a lot of these parts would really help. The conflation of the show and the city would work better this way, and the constant references to Baltimore just remind the reader that this is really a show, not a city. It makes more sense to me that The Wire became popular itself because of its meticulous plotting and Shakespearean dialogue rather than by having a show popularise it. The joke about how the city was "guaranteed two more years of urban renewal" is far superior for example, because it takes something we'd associate with television and repackages it as something associated with cities. For the parts where you're relying on Baltimore to explain things, I would suggest you do something like the above example instead. I hope that's clear.
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| Hcomment | - This is a great article, but there are a couple of things you could do that might make it even better. There really aren't that many things wrong with it to be honest, but here are some of the parts I thought you might want to take another look at:
*I wasn't sure what you meant by "drug games", where you were talking about advertising campaigns. For a start, I'm not sure what drug games are, nor why they would attract so many people.
*Then the part about Doctor Wire is a little confusing, and not particularly funny either. The "PhD in Wire and Wire Accessories" part in particular is a little silly, unless I'm missing something. The joke about it being boring and realistic has potential, but I don't think it works like this; it's relying on too many silly ideas.
*This joke: "popular belief facts" might work better without the strikeout; the joke might be being overexplained, but I'll leave that with you.
*The constitution part seems weak too. It a little confused, and doesn't really know what it's supposed to be. Some of the tenets look like they're rules for the series, in the same way producers will write a "series bible", whereas some of them seem like genuine city laws . To make it more consistent, maybe it would be a better idea to write it like it was more of a "series bible" - or at least draw a closer parallel between the two.
That's about it really, nice work on everything else.
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| Fcomment | - Overall it's a good one, and the character section looks pretty good too, although I only really skirted through that one and obviously I didn't get a lot of it. I'd like to see some tightening of the concept as discussed above and maybe a few more pictures and this will definitely be a feature-worthy . Any other questions just let me know.
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| abstract | - The main article's just about complete, though the characters section is far from done. Still, I consider that to be more of a "bonus round" for Wire fans like myself, as it's 90% internal references, quotes, and video clips that speak for themselves better than any amount of comedy writing could hope to accomplish. Therefore, review the main beef. -- 06:31, May 31, 2011 (UTC) I'll get it. -- 20:03, July 8, 2011 (UTC)
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