| abstract | - Mavis completes her poem "Our Friend the Fox". Vera is moved to receive a letter from Buckingham Palace offering the Queen's condolences. Bet is suspicious when Steve asks her to put Vicky off spending Christmas in town. Vera looks forward to a family Christmas when she visits Terry in prison. Deirdre is frustrated as Tracy and Craig lounge around the house all day being physical. Mavis is upset when Derek criticises her poem. She is horrified to hear his poem "Mavis, My Marilyn" in which he gets personal about her "downy" breasts. She calls him a pornographer. Don is annoyed when Denise doesn't invite him to her birthday party. Bet is certain that Steve is two-timing Vicky. At the poetry contest Phyllis reads her poem "Ode to Percy", embarrassing him: "When God made Percy, he was smiling. He took two lusty arms and took two sturdy legs And he stuck them on the body of my darling. But I think God was barmy, he had made him join the army. When he cooked the meals for soldiers, and nobody was bolder. He cooked curry under fire, and became my heart's desire. He's got a bird called Randy, and he's not the only one. He's always got a smile, and if he wants to, I'll run a mile, And if he wants to buy me flowers, he can do it any day, And if he wants to misbehave with me, I won't stand in his way." She wins the £25 when the Wiltons withdraw from the contest.
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