| abstract | - And Finagle's Corollary gives us: Finally, the Law of Cat Conservation states: Double Butter Theory is a refinement of the well understood Cat-Toast Device (see Murphy's law application for antigravitatory cats). It was Oscar Wilde who first tied a piece of buttered toast to the back of a cat and then dropped it from the top of the Leaning Tower of Pizza. The cat-toast amalgam fell at the constant acceleration of gravity until it stopped to hover just above the ground. Both substances wanted to hit the ground first but cancelled each other out. In the standard model the cat-toast hybrid revolves round the components' common axis trying to achieve equilibrium. If harnessed, this rotation could provide a cheap, limitless (though possibly noisy) energy source. The Double Butter Theory deviates from the standard model in that it obviates the cat. Theoretically a piece of toast (or any other toastlike or quasi-toastlike substance), spread with "equal" amounts of butter on both sides would achieve the same result without the need to hide the experiments from animal welfare organisations, feed the cat, or deal with the obvious problems inherent in having cats poop while revolving at phenomenally high speeds.
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