| abstract | - Charting the landscape of American politics can be a difficult affair, like hooking up with your office secretary in the janitor's closet. In fact, the similarities between the two are very great: both are conducted in cramped quarters, with little room for personal space; both involve two intimately related parties (or "Parties"), and both are conducted in close proximity to industrial products and the influence of powerful multinational corporations. Excepting that last one, the parallels are quite close indeed. Because of the convoluted, complex nature of American politics, it is necessary to have a knowledgeable, experienced, expert take you through the various actors and mechanisms, but, since you're on Uncyclopedia, you get me. Realize then, that any and all interpretations may be: a) biased, b) fabricated c) unfunny or d) all of the above. Please set your expectations accordingly, and please take a few Tylenol before entering. Trust me, you'll need them...
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