| abstract | - The film begins with a narration from Darth Vader telling how a cube containing The Force is coming to Earth and many new droids called Decepticons have been sent after it. The screen cuts to earth where a helicopter transforms and kills people in order to hack files to find the cube. While doing so, it gives birth to a scorpion. Later, Ladiesman217 is doing show and tell with a lot of innuendos such as seamen (semen) and sextant (sex tent) while the hottest thing in the world watches with some sleazebag. After class, Ladiesman217 preaches to his teacher about God and leaves. Ladiesman's father gets him a 40-year-old virgin car that scares the shit out of Bobby Bolivia (like the country except without the runs). Then, Bobby's mammy gives him the finger and he threatens to bust her head with a rock, bitch, claiming she's deaf for some reason. Then, we meet Ladiesman217's mother, which ruins the movie and most of us go. For those who did not leave, the rest of the movie goes like this: Ladiesman leaves in his shitty car which leaves a bunch of smoke which reminds his mom of her pot days. His dad tells her, "Judy, let the weed go." The screen cuts to the remaining survivors of the helicopter who are being stalked by its offspring. Some dude speaks Spanish and they say, "English, dude." The scorpion attacks, but then the captain of the team calls some Arab dude who picks his nose and tells them about a premium package. The Arab gives the scorpion a restraining order, so he sadly goes under the sand to masturbate. Back in the USA, Ladiesman217 goes to a party with Miles and has an inspiring discussion with the hottie and the sleazebag about the new book he is writing about the link between brain damage and football. He says all of the sleazebag's friends will love it because of the pop-up pictures, mazes, and coloring areas. Ladiesman becomes popular, so he leaves Miles behind as he drives the fox home while his car spontaneously plays Sexual Healing. Later, a plane with a stereotypical George W. Bush is attacked by a crazy psychopath who finds out where Ladiesman's grandpa's glasses with codes to where the cube is are. The crazy robot flees the scene in a Decepticon police car. At Ladiesman217's house, his car runs away and transforms into Bumblebee to alert the Autobots of the Decepticons. The cops think Ladiesman is stoned, especially after he admitted to having Busty Beauties hidden under his bed. He is taken to court and Judge Judy finds him guilty, forcing his crazy parents to bail him out. The next day, Satan's Camaro runs away again, leading Ladiesman to the police car by mistake. Bee-otch takes Ladiesman and Fox to somewhere and then fights and almost kills the police car. Then, a bunch of meteors crash down on Earth and turn into robots that are easily 1000 times cooler than Armageddon, I swear. The robots introduce themselves as the Autobots. They consist of Optimus Prime, the leader, Ratchet, the old bag, Ironhide, the Clint Eastwood bot, Jazz, the nigga, Rodney Copperbottom, the inventor, and Fender, the Robin Williams comic relief. They tell Ladiesman217 about the Decepticons' plan to retrieve the Force Cube, destroy your planet, and revive their leader--Darth Megatron. Ladiesman searches for grandpappy's glasses so the Autobots can find the Force Cube, but is interrupted by his deranged, drunken mother who claims he has been having his "happy time". Sam gets pissed and calls Sector Seven who arrest his mom for drug abuse. Megan Fox then discovers that the glasses were in her purse the whole time, so Turturro and his agents escort them and the Autotots to Hoover Dammit where the cube is. While Bee-otch is busy making the cube pocket size, the psycho robot who disguised himself as Megan's cell phone goes to another room where Darth Megatron is frozen and unfreezes him. Megatron transforms into a jet, leaves, and promptly has sex with orders Starscream to get the Autobots and rape Megan Fox. Starscream goes to Los Angeles Mission City where the Autobots and Ladiesman are and fires a few missiles that set off explosions. Next, some random Decepticons named Madame Gasket, Blackout, and some guy named Devastator who is actually Brawl come and fight the Autobots too. Meanwhile, Optimus Prime fights Darth Bonecrusher and cuts his head off, making a fanboy say "Cool, Mom!" Then, the cop car appears, but then disappears. The soldiers manage to kill Blackout and Devastator Brawl with a lot of explosions and butt sliding. An injured Bee-otch and Megan go around in Longarm, randomly shooting everywhere. Ladiesman217 is instructed to get to the top of a building where Yoda is waiting to take the cube to safety. Ladiesman is chased by Darth Megatron and falls off the building, but Optimus catches him. Ladiesman runs to safety while Optimus and Megatron haul out their lightsabers and begin to fight. Megatron cuts Prime's arm off, but before he can deliver the final blow, he decides to rip Jazz in half and flick Michael Bay with his finger, saying, "Disgusting!" Megatron again prepares to kill Optimus, but unknown to the Darth, he accidentally flicked Michael Bay into a bomb trigger, setting off a bunch of random explosions that tear Meggie apart. With Megatron defeated, all the 'Cons get dumped into the supposed deepest part of the ocean (the Mariana trench is actually deeper, but it doesn't sound as cool) and Ladiesman and Megan Fox make out on top of Bumblebee. The film ends with Bumblebee asking Ladiesman if he could make out on top of him someday, to which Ladiesman replies, "Fuck off!"
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