| abstract | - TGWTG Team Brawl was a special event celebrating the one year anniversary of the Nostalgia Critic's website, That Guy With the Glasses. It is something of a sequel to AVGN Vs. Nostalgia Critic – The Final Battle.
- NC (singing to the tune of "Oh what a beautiful morning" from Oklohoma): There's a bright, sunny day in Chicago. (He starts walking around on the building.) There's a bright, sunny day in Chicago... Corruptions as high as an elephant's eye... (Shows some skyscrapers.) And the meters cost $74.25... (Shows Rob Walker smacking a parking meter.) Oh, what an adequate morning! Oh, what an adequate day! I got an adequate feeling everything's going my way! Oh, what a... (speaking) FUCK ME! Video game music is interrupting his song. NC: NEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEER- (The Nerd punches him. NC falls to the ground. The punches NC some more before NC elbows The Nerd in the crotch. This causes The Nerd to back up, hiss like a cat, and run off. NC follows him, and a chase scene around Chicago begins. They both enter a large building, passing Mike Ellis and Mike Michaud. The Nerd presses an elevator button, and they stand in front of the elevator doors. The Nerd repeatedly presses the button, and the Critic punches him every time he does so. The elevator doors open and they get inside. They patiently wait for the elevator to take them to another floor(Elevator music plays while they wait-an homage to a scene in The Blues Brothers). They get off the elevator and run into a large room, where they continue fighting, Suddenly, the The Nostalgia Chick arrives and tackles the Nerd.) Critic: Nostalgia Chick! Chick: Come on, Critic! Let's kick some ass and get cynical. Critic: Kyle Justin of KyleJustinMusic.com?!? Kyle: Let's get him, Nerd. Nerd: Well... thanks. Offscreen voice: Hold it! Linkara: Let the wussy go. Critic: Hey, I will not let you talk about the Nostalgia Chick that way. (Nerd kicks him.) Nerd (to Linkara): Yeah? What the hell are you gonna do about it? Nerd: A toy gun. What are you, some kind of idiot? Linkara: I'm not an idiot! I AM A MAN! (He fires the gun. It knocks Kyle's hat off.) Nerd: How the fuck did you do that?!? Linkara: It's magic, bitch! Critic: Benzaie! Critic: I knew you'd come to our aid! (Linkara gets up.) Now, quickly! Clench your fists in rage and swarm up for our side! (Benzaie punches Linkara again. He falls again.) He's...on our side... (Benzaie punches Critic.) What the hell, Benzaie?!? Benzaie (speaks in French, but there are subtitles): "Sorry, Mr. Critic, but I'm a gamer first and a friend second..." (Nerd and Kyle get up.) "And quite frankly, Mr. Video Game Nerd is a God among gamers. So sorry, but I must deliver unto a world of pain." Critic: Fortunately, I can read your subtitles, you backstabbing snail-eater! I hate you! Benzaie: That's a shame... Because I loe you. Offscreen voice: Not so fast, Frenchy! Critic: Handsome Tom?!? Mickey: And 8-bit Mickey! Critic: Tom, is what this surrender monkey saying true? Tom: I'm afraid it is, Critic. Most gamers are loyal to their fellow players and would stab their pals in the backs just to protect them. Critic: Yeah, you're kinda douches that way. Tom: But this is different. For Handsome Tom.., Mickey: And 8-bit Mickey! Tom: ...Have a score to settle with a certain individual I've known for a while... Tom: Benzaie! Benzaie: Me? Why me? Tom: Because you tried to defeat me at Street Fighter! Benzaie: Yeah... I lost! Tom: But you insulted my honor by even challenging me! Now it's time for Handsome Tom... Mickey: And 8-bit Mickey! Tom: ...To kick your ass! LMG: I think not! Tom: Stay out of this, LittleMissGamer! This doesn't concern you! LMG: It concerns all gamers, Tom! You used to know that once... Remember your roots, Tom! Remember your roots! Spoony: Roots, schmoots! We are here to rumble! Aussie: That's right, Spoony. We're here to teach these yankee pricks a lesson. By the way... whose side are you on? Spoony: Well, actually, I consider myself a critic first and a gamer second, so... I guess I'm on the Critic's side. Aussie: Then burn in hell! (Punches him.) Critic: Hey, you leave that Yankee alone! (Punches Aussie. He falls, then looks up and sees MarzGurl.) MG: Don't worry, NC. I've got him for ya. Critic: MarzGurl! Critic: AngryJoe! Critic: The Epic Fail Guy! HWC: Sean! Critic: Whatever! Goggles: It's gamers untied, Critic, and ThatChickWithTheGoggles is ready to bring it! Isn't that right, Lee? Critic: Et, Tu? Lee from StillGaming? Lee: What can I say, Critic? You threaten one gamer, you threaten us all! Paw: The same can be said for reviewers, my friend. Critic: Paw? Paw: You threaten one of us, you threaten all of us! BTS: Then we will see who will emerge triumphant. (Puts his hand on Goggle's shoulder.) Won't we, ThatChickWithTheGoggles? Goggles: Don't touch me. BTS: Okay. (Takes his hand off.) Offscreen voice: Heart! Critic: Ma-Ti! From... Captain Planet? Ma-Ti: Ah, I can sense you all! Critic: Leave that little... idiot... Mexican... thing alone! Ma-Ti: Heart! Critic: And all reviewers get on this side! (Moves to one side of the room.) Move it! Move it! Move it! Move it! WRAAAAAH! Nerd: All gamers on this side! (Points to the other side of the room.) Now line up, you goddamn heathen bastards! Line up! Critic (to the reviewers): All right, everybody! Let's show those pixellated pansies who's boss! Nerd (to the gamers): All right, listen up, you cockmunching maggots. We're not gonna fight with our hearts. We're gonna fight with our balls! So sound off like you've got a pair! Gamers: YEAH! Critic (to the reviewers): People... I'm no good at making speeches and, uh... quite frankly, that's all I've got. Nerd (to BTS): Hey, you! Wipe that asshole off your face! There's no assing around here! We don't even know the word "ass'! We annihilate all ass! Critic (to the reviewers): But I'm sure there's a lot of motivational speeches you can remember. Uh... that one from Braveheart, that was good. Um... 300! That was a great speech, blew me away! Remember that! (The reviewers look confused.) Nerd (to the gamers): I want you all to fight until every one of those motherfuckers hits the floor like diarrhea dump dropping out of a dog's asshole! Critic (to the reviewers): Or how about those Lord of the Rings movies? I mean.,. there's a bunch of midgets fighting each other! There HAS to be a good speech about that! Nerd (to the gamers): I'm gonna have you all eating fireworks and shitting firecrackers! Critic (to Nerd): Hey, can you keep it down? I'm trying to be inspirational here! Critic (to the reviewers): So, um... buck up, drink milk, stay in school, and don't do drugs. LET'S GO! (to Nerd) All right, Nerd! No more "To be continued's! No more do-overs! It's time that we have the final battle... for the last time! Critic: ATTACK! Spoony (to Chick): Actually, why don't you take Goggles and I'll take Bennett? Chick: Why? Spoony, : (shaking Chick by the shoulders) WE DON'T HAVE TIME FOR THIS, WOMAN! IT'S VITALLY IMPORTANT, JUST SWITCH! Spoony: Go! HWC: Dude, that was totally uncalled for. Aussie: All right, mates. It's time to whip out the stereotype of doom! Aussie: Oi. Rollo T: This is Transmission Awesome and it is a beautiful day for a brawl, isn't it, Coldguy? Coldguy: It certainly is, RolloT. As you can see, all the fighters are destined to destroy one another...in an epic battle to the death.. Linkara (far away): My hat! Dr. Gonzo: I'm sure glad our egos only extend to podcasts as opposed to videos or else we would be getting our asses kicked in this ugly mess. Rollo T: Right you are, Gonzo. Critic: Hey, are you on my team? Goggles: No. Critic: All right, Nerd. Let's pick up where we left off! Nerd: You mean with me kicking your ass? Critic: Shut up! Rollo T: We have a special guest with us to talk about this brawl, TheCat. Cat, tell me, what do you notice about this fight? The Cat: Well, I certainly notice the two music people, Kyle Justin and Paw beating the crap out of each other. Mickey: And 8-bit Mickey! Cat: But the biggest draw of course, is Video Game Nerd and Nostalgia Critic. Cat: As the Nerd is apparently uppercutting the Critic's jaw... (A loud punch and Critic groaning is is heard offscreen) And slamming him to the ground... (A thud and another groan are heard.) And finally... (Critic loudly screams) ...nailing him in the privates. Dr. Gonzo: Well, you certainly have a lot to write about, Cat. Linkara: I AM A MAN! MG: So am I! MG: Gotcha. Pansy power! BTS: Wait, wait, wait, wait! Aren't you two on the same team? MG: Huh... Linkara: He's right. Chick: Big-Lipped Alligator Moment!
* Is this person a member of the site? HWC: Who the hell are you?!? Guy: Just heard there was a fight! (Punches HWC.) Nerd: No, no, no. That trumps you. Critic: It doesn't trump me! Nerd: That's a higher value! Critic: No, no, no, that's not a higher value! Nerd: Yeah, it is, look. (Holds up card he put down.) You see that right there? Critic: FUCK THIS GAME! (Pulls out his gun and shoots at Nerd.) Critic (high-pitched): I'M IN PAIN! Gonzo: Ooh, he had to have felt that one! Chester: You leave that nice Mister McCritic alone! Nerd: [unintelligible] Retarded bum! Chester: I'm gonna knock you upside your head, bitch! Chester: Change! Critic: Eat lead, you festering sack of whore! Critic: Look out! Ma-Ti is packing! Ma-Ti: Suck my big fat fucking HEART! (Fires some more. Chester is the only one who is hit. The Super Scope runs out of ammo. Ma-Ti throws it on the ground.) Ma-Ti (depressed): I'm so alone...! Goggles: There, there, Ma-Ti...there, there. SMDC: FUCKERS! FUCKERS! Nerd: HOLY SHIT. Yeah, that's Super Mecha Death Christ! SMDC: FUCKERS! Tom: What the hell is that? Critic: That's Giant Robotic Donkey Kong Jesus riding a puff of smoke. Critic: Now THAT'S what the Cloverfield monster should have been! SMDC: DONKEY KONG JESUS! Chester: Go, Super Mecha Kerblooey Jesuses! SMDC: MOTHERFUCKERS! SMDC: DIE! EVERYBODY DIE! FUCK YOU! FUCK YOU, MOTHERFUCKERS! Offscreen voice: Hold it! Glasses: Now, I may not claim to know everything, but there are some things that I know for sure. And war is never the answer. (to Nerd and Critic) You two, do you even remember what you were fighting about all this time? Nerd and Critic: (stare each other down before putting their hitting arms down) No... Glasses: Then why are we all fighting? This isn't a time for violence. This is a time for unity. For everybody to bring their creativity together to create something new and better. And all you other gamers and reviewers, there isn't any war to be fought or even any winners to be had. Only losers. Critic (to Nerd): You know, he's right! We shouldn't hate each other. We should join forces to hate other things! Nerd: Maybe we could do a review. Critic: I'd like that. Glasses: In fact, I think there's a lot of you who want to do crossovers, aren't there? Because everybody really eats that shit up! Everybody: Yeah! Glasses: So come on, people. Let's join together and take a picture to show everybody how truly united we are. Glasses: Ah, not you, Ma-Ti. Nerd: Well here's to... whatever the hell we review, Critic. Critic: You've got it, Nerd! Glasses: Smile, everybody. (Everybody strikes a pose as Glasses takes a picture. "TGWTG.COM" appears at the bottom of the screen. The credits roll to "Everybody Needs Somebody" from Blues Brothers.)
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