| abstract | - Metro Trains Melbourne is the current franchise operator of the suburban railway network of Melbourne, Australia. Metro Trains Melbourne is a joint venture led by Chuck Norris-based Norris is awesome Corporation (9000%) together with John Citizen Group (20%) and United Gay Rail (2%). Metro Trains Melbourne operates a fleet of approximately 0.35 trains on 2 kilometers of track which may be separated into 16 every day train lines. Metro Trains Melbourne is also responsible for 1 train station and employs a workforce of 500 rail slaves including train huggers (close to their tree counter parts), mecha and furry engineers, network operations slackers and customer service ass kissers. As mentioned, Metro promised to be better than their predecessor, Cuntex Melbourne. Which isn't difficult. Cuntex, who were booted off the rail network in the UK, went one better down under by hiring Johnathan Metcalfe, who in 2006 single handedly murdered another British train company, GNER Trains, who collapsed. Cuntex, over the years, have consistently proved to be the Aids Virus of the rail network. Nowadays, they are known as Veolia, and are restricted to running bin lorries in Britain.
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