W.T. Door 13:55, 5 September 2008 (UTC)
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| rdfs:label
| - Uncyclopedia:Pee Review/I Dream of Jeannie
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| rdfs:comment
| - W.T. Door 13:55, 5 September 2008 (UTC)
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| dcterms:subject
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| Mcomment
| - i dream of averaging scores.
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| Pcomment
| - some pretty big whitespace problems, i'll give it a format check. some spelling / grammar mistakes, i'll give it a proofread.
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| Icomment
| - the images were all good. the captions were a little weak, come up with some better ones; oftentimes readers will just look at the pictures, so if the captions draw them in then you've succeeded in suckering someone into reading your article! i also think that the first image on the wikipedia page should be your lead-off image, it really goes nicely with the accidental comedy stuff.
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| Hcomment
| - *intro: 7
okay, this is good. you lay the groundwork for the rest of the article. there's no real funny lines, but you've set up a potentially serious-sounding article. i'm intrigued to read the rest, so consider it a success. i would suggest adding a few more sentences to beef it up a little, so it doesn't look so lonely.
*the beginning: 7
this is some good stuff, solid use of the 'straight man'. deadpan stuff is hard to write, but you've done it here. i would, however, suggest sprinkling in some more jokes. while retaining the serious tone, you could do things like build on the things the radiation did to his brain by adding something a little ludicrous in there. i find in serious articles the lines that have the best effect are the ones that seem almost true.
*return to society: 8
this section is even better. you execute the insertion of a joke pretty well; try more of those throughout the article. the drunken astronaut concept is a bit overplayed.
*later career: 7
this section has some good parts and some not-so-good. i like him being expendable and his imaginary mission. i'd like to see more detail on the imaginary missions, though . randomly calling him gay feels really out of place and i think you should remove it. it's also unclear as to nelson's opinion on the jeannie: does he hide her, or does he desperately try to prove her existence? i think the funniest approach would be nelson not even caring if anyone believes him, and just walking around with a crazy smile.
*public reception: 9
i really like the way you wrapped this up, it explains every detail that i was waiting to ask about in the final comments.
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| Iscore
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| Fcomment
| - my preview button tells me that your final score is 38.3. this is a very solid article, much better than i was expecting for a user with a redlinked name . i would say that with some formatting stuff and a few more jokes tossed in, i would put this on VFH myself.
welcome to uncyclopedia, i hope you stick around! i assume you've read HTBFANJS, but you should know that it's a great reference and should be read often. also check out the beginner's guide, it might answer some of the questions you might have. good luck with your article!
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| Signature
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| abstract
| - W.T. Door 13:55, 5 September 2008 (UTC)
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