| abstract
| - (Mario and Rosalina are on Mario's couch looking at a globe with constellation's on it. Rosalina is pointing to them and naming them.) Rosalina: That's Pisces, and right there is Capricorn, and that's my sign, Aquarius! The Water-Bearer! Mario: Yeah, uh, that's fascinating. Rosalina: Yeah! Mario: Well, uh, what's my sign? Rosalina: Ooh! (She turns the globe.) Rosalina: You're Scorpius, that means you're a Scorpio. Mario: How do you know I'm a Scorpio? Rosalina: You were born in November. Mario: Oh. Well, what does being a Scorpio mean? Rosalina: Uh, you're aggressive and obstinate, intolerant, possessive, manipulative, destructive, jealous, and resentful! Mario: Wha- I'm not jealous or possessive manip- Tha-that's a lie, you don't even know what you're talk- (Rosalina gets a text.) Rosalina: Oooh! D-Money? (She picks the phone up.) Mario: Wait, wait, wh-who's D-Money? Rosalina: My ex-boyfriend. Mario: E-ex-boyfriend? Wait, what is he doing texting you, WHY is he texting you, what-what'd he say? Rosalina: He just said, "What's up hoe?". Hehee, he's so sweet... Mario: "What's up hoe?", why is he talking to you like that? I don't want him talking to you like that. You know what? Why is he even texting you, I don't want him texting you, I don't want you texti- Rosalina: Mario, it's been years, don't worry! Mario: No no, I don't care if it's been years, I don't care if it's been a whole decade, I don't want you talking to him or texting him! Rosalina: He just wants to get coffee. Mario: Get coffee?! I do not want you seeing him or talking to him! Rosalina: Oh, Mario, your Scorpio's showing! Mario: W-w-w-what do you mean? Rosalina: You're jealous. Mario: I'm not jealous, I don't even know the guy! D-Money... Pff! Sounds like a loser to me. I don't want you talking to him, just... I don't want you seeing him or... Wh-why are you doing this to me, everything was perfect, we were talking about... constellations. Rosalina: Mario. It's not a big deal, I don't have any feelings for him, it was a long time ago! Mario: Well then... O-Okay, fine, fine! You can have coffee with him as long as you have coffee HERE. You know, at my apartment. Invite him here. Rosalina: Okay! (She picks up the phone again.) Mario: I-I'll meet the guy, just, just.... invite him here and- Rosalina: Sent! Mario: Oh, you sent it? Okay... Rosalina: I'm so excited! Mario: Why? He's your ex-boyfriend... Okay... (The camera changes to the door, where someone is knocking at it. Mario and Rosalina walk to it.) Mario: Oh, that must be your ex-boyfriend... Rosalina: Calm down, Mario, it'll be fine! Mario: I-I just don't want you talking to your ex-boyfriend, I mean he's your EX you're not supposed to be talking to him... Rosalina: We just wanna catch up, it's been a long time! Mario: Catch up, but, just... I-I'm not comfortable with it. Rosalina: We have a lot of memories together, Mario. Just this once. Mario: O-okay, just this once, just this once, okay? Okay, okay... Alright I can do this, let's go open the door. Rosalina: Alright. (They open the door where D-Money is standing on the other side.) Mario: Hello? (D-Money knocks him out.) D-Money: Oh, 53 and O! 53 and O! Strap me up, man! First round knock-out, first round knock-out! I knocked your ass out like NightQuill, man! BAP, BAP, BAP *OINK* *OINK* OINK*! Man, somebody give his ass a pillow, man! Rosalina: He's black, Mario. (Mario gets up without his hat.) Mario: Ugh... D-Money: Ooh, Rosalina baby girl, come give me a hug! (Rosalina hugs D-Money.) Rosalina: D-Money! D-Money: Oooh, Rosalina, that's so tight, your arms are so tight! Mario: H-hey, stop hugging my girlfriend, stop touching her! (Mario forces Rosalina away from D-Money.) D-Money: Oh, white boy you just jealous, come here give me a hug. Mario: I'm not giving you a hu- (D-Money pulls Mario into a choke hold.) D-Money: Oooh, choke hold! Got you in a choke hold, man! Now, break it to the wall, tap out! Tap out! Pssh! (D-Money lets go of him.) D-Money: You ain't tappin'. 54 and O! 54 and O! Two belts, one night, man, what you doin'? (Mario goes to Rosalina and starts whispering to her.) Mario: Rosalina, you didn't tell me he was black. Rosalina: What's the difference, Mario? Mario: You didn't tell me he was black, that's something you should have tol- Rosalina: What's the big deal?! Mario: His name's D-Money, right? Rosalina: Yes, Mario. (Mario stops whispering and turns back to D-Money.) Mario: So, uh, D-Money, right? D-Money: Yeah, man, my name D-Money! It stands for Dat-Money, cause all I get is dat money, man! I get a hundred million every fight, a hundred million every night, man! I get stars on my shorts, cause when I knock 'em out, all they see is stars! I am a star, man! Rosalina: Yeah he is. D-Money: Yo, you got valid parking? Mario: Valid parking? D-Money: Yeah, I got a yellow Corvette right there. Like the stars in the sky, man, just for you baby girl. Just for you! Mario: Anyway, D-Money. If you're such a big shot, why do you have that black eye?
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