Bert (born november 10, 1969 age 47) is an angry pervert puppet who has a lifelong dream of winning the most boring person in the world award but keeps losing to Ben Stein. Bert lives with his "best friend" Ernie, who is a lazy freeloader who lives off of Bert's money. Bert secretly has a homicidal side to him which he keeps secret for that certainlly make him lose the most boring person in the world award. Bert's social life consists of Ernie, his nephew, and his cat. (until the big mistake)