Instant Messaging? you say. Preposterous! Back in my day, post had to be carried by courier on horseback f- Yes, yes, yes. Tales of your past are delightfully interesting, good sir. But this new fangled method of communiqué must have seemed foreign to you, even more foreign than a drunken Parisian in London asking for his way home. Never fear, for I have delved deeply into this "Instant Messaging" and have discovered the code by which these "Instant Messagers" communicate, and I am present today to guide you and educate you through this new method of language degradation.