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| rdfs:label | - Uncyclopedia:Pee Review/Willy Wonka (revised)
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| rdfs:comment | - 99.118.205.212 21:17, January 20, 2012 (UTC) Given that the person requesting a review has done a total of two edits, I doubt if anyone will actually bother to read and act on this. However, I'm going to review it as the article can be improved, and is important enough that I want it to be good.
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| Mcomment | - If anyone is reading this, I'm trapped in a chocolate factory by a madman who has been feeding me various drugs and monitoring there effect, all for the purpose of adding them to non-FDA approved foods. he's eliminated almost everyone I came here with except my grandfather, who up until two days ago had been bedridden for 20 years. My parents can't afford to try and rescue me. Help me!
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| Pcomment | - It's not badly set out, and no major spelling/grammar issues that I picked up. Not that exciting either.
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| Icomment | - Two images of Willy Wonka looking completely different and no comment about that at all? Also for such a rich visual tapestry the two movies gave you this is very light on imagery. This does need a much stronger visual element.
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| Ccomment | - The basic retelling is okay, but extend the concept and you can have:
* Details of court cases against Willy Wonka for endangering lives, slavery, and selling food product not covered by FDA
*Written in the style of a safety inspector visiting the factory and retelling the events in the form of incident reports and hazard inspections and suggested methods to rectify.
*Written from the perspective of Charlie as an old man recollecting his time where he was taken in by a Micheal Jackson-esquire character and given copious amounts of hallucinogenic chocolates.
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| Hcomment | - Okay, this realistically could score higher. The issue I have with it is that Roald Dahl was the master of weaving random threads into a coherent storyline. This means we're looking at a moral tale that is supported by a fantasy world with inherit logical contridictions and significant plot issues that are plastered over by beautific story-telling. There are three different variants to the story - the original book, the first movie , and the newer movie that is a Tim Burton style retelling. This is ignoring and relationship to the chocolates marketed under this name in the real world and an Marilyn Manson links to the story.
Let's take Willy Wonka out of the context of the stories and bring him into the real world. He is a hermitic mad genius who creates chocolate that is aimed almost exclusively at children. That alone would cause a significant issue in a world where the rates of childhood obesity and Type 2 diabetes are on the increase. Let alone the secret recipes that are never shared with a third party, let alone the FDA .
Then there is the treatment of the children, where he exposes them to scientifically unsound experiments in a factory that has no apparent safeguards for occupational health and safety. These children are effectively human guinea pigs that are unwittingly duped into life-threatening conditions by a master manipulator who justifies himself by saying they deserved it for being naughty.
And then in his workforce. An entire nation of people that have been dispossessed and taken into slave like conditions to work for this man who apparently cares for their welfare however you never see any Oompa Loompa women or children! What has he done with the families of these people.
Now I've focused this all on the first book and ignored the great glass elevator all together, as that is the lesser known of the books, and for those reading this who only have had exposure through the movies would just consider what is in this article as random meanderings. None of us here are Roald Dahl, and we're not writing kids books, so we can't easily get away with that.
Now some of the above elements are mentioned in the article, but the article is mainly a synopsis of the movies and book, and doesn't explore these. Having these expanded on and taken further than the original text allows.
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| Signature | - PuppyOnTheRadio/sig2|1330135155
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| abstract | - 99.118.205.212 21:17, January 20, 2012 (UTC) Given that the person requesting a review has done a total of two edits, I doubt if anyone will actually bother to read and act on this. However, I'm going to review it as the article can be improved, and is important enough that I want it to be good.
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