| abstract | - Wonce opon a time their was a vengefull goat who was angry because someone had got his goat if you know what i mean. You dont? Oh, well i guess i'll have to explain it to you... long, long ago in a land of fire and pain there lived a small but very powerfull goat. Someone milked the goat and made some cheese. But disaster struck because goats cheese is horrible, and when the goats girlfriend eat the cheese she became ill. "I only like the other cheese you make", she said, and she wasn't takling about gone off milk, oh no! So anyway the goat's girlfriend left him for a donkey, because the donkey was far more adventerous in bed. Then Bigfoot inexplicably vaporized his pet monkey, iPods flew like chipmunks being thrown. Glaring, Mr. Pickles hummed a sonata that Beethoven abhored because his fat wife buried a can of moss-covered mustard flavored ice cream which combusted into pure sodium and precipitated as a pink cow-shaped lump with heart-shaped diamond-studded banana engagement cowbell that dinged and donged to Mozart's "The Marriage of Figaro" where Mozart’s daughter was rejected by Beethoven’s son who was rejected from Stanford before Stanford even existed. So instead, Beethoven Jr. decided to travel overseas and visit Cambridge which had no girls and only very few itsy-bitsy men who would walk and gawk and talk like the rocks had flocks of birds. Therefore, Butterworth Wilkins smoked a pack of salty eels, and Miss Mozart lied about her affair with Mr. Lord-of-Logistics, her favorite person to have never kissed her in the light of the moon. Consequently, the girl who always sulked behind the Hulk decided to invoke her personal bulwark of fake robust Horcrux which resembled golden orbs that hummed to the tune of Vivaldi’s "Spring"...Suddenly, through the mists she saw a rainbow colored parrot stricken with AIDS that it contracted from Logistics. The parrot flopped onto Miss Mozart’s teahouse and turned into a spider that maimed the house cat that was trying to take a quick look at purrli's pregnancy test and found it positive. Now the gale blew through the house and the question is who bumped purrli? The answer was provided by Dr. kman1456's analysis, which proved that QuizQuick was the culprit, except that the analysis was flawed. What it did prove, however, was that Logistics was impotent and that kman1456, who was the real culprit. ANNNNNNYWAYS, purrli decided to seek revenge against Logistics for ruining her perfect fairytale story which would have gone to hell had he not stepped in. One night, purrli flew up to Logistic’s mansion in the clouds and left him a note, stating that she was going to cut him open and eat his slimy heart and sever all his aortic arteries and shave off all his leg hair and dissect his urea smelling kidney and marry him off to a drag queen in Sydney who had fists that could break a 5-foot steel door. So......... one day, while kman1456 was cooking tomatoes for brunch and baking sauerkraut three girls came up and asked him three riddles. The first girl, who had black hair that reached to the floor, asked "What is green, furry, and if it falls out of a tree could kill you?" kman1456 answers: a durian fruit. which is a kind of swimming pool. "FALSE!" She roared, baring her fangs. "The correct answer is - a pool table." The second girl, a grim Wildcat, asked "What wears overalls, is black, and dangerous?" Little Kim and her gang, kman1456 replied. "FALSE!!!" Yelled the girl. "The answer is - da dum dum - a scarecrow with a machine gun." That's 0 for 2, yelled the third girl. "Third riddle: what is black, white, and plum?" "A PUMPKIN" Kman yelled "Try my dead body after recieving gun shots"... Wrong! The third girl shouted. She then turned into purrli for enlightenment. "The answer," she said in a majestic voice, 'is - Martin Luther with a sun burn." Kman thought it was so funny that he rolled on the carpet gaffawing at the way Quiz Quick was sitting on the chair. Then Kman was turned into a wooly mammoth as punishment for him, and the Lord of Log was sent to the Chinese communists and was forced to sing the Internationale while laying red eggs with a yellow scythe on them. Then he became Hu Jintao’s pet and was rewarded for mounting his horse, who was named purrli. purrli overthrew the chinese government, and then became the new Chinese premieress who decided to make new communes for discombobulated veterans of CC who are having trouble doing homework and who ought to be studying for APs. In the Great Leap Backward, purrli ordered a plate of ham that were green that came with matching set of eggs that gave purrli diarrhea and then she walked out without paying, then the waiter pulled out a pair of uzis and pursued Bush into Camp David where lablondie decided to maim Condoleeza Rice with her massive round spiky bat with poison tips. Then purrli showed up, screaming bloody murder and took out her wand and cast a spell over me, myself, and I, making me a pikachu. Then she pointed her wand at Logistics and yelled ""Hippopatamus creatus!" And lo and behold, there materialized a certain purple and green creature by the name of Barney who danced and pranced and put everyone in a trance while shooting a glance at a girl named Nance who by chance had a fence named the Duke of York which no one could climb over. And then I found $10 and lost it, and I turned agnostic, following the Jainist order. Then I became disillusioned with the Jains's sexual preference and said that purple cows had ate fowls, and stood up and bowed while the cat meowed and vowed never to howl. All too familiarly, someone entered the room named Dame who ate maimed game that isn't quite tame or had the same last name or fame, so she blamed and framed someone else for this shame and claimed that the whole damn thing was pretty lame. Her aim was for much more than fame with everything being the same and she missed her old flame who's pen name played word games. "STOP!," Ellaboudy pantomimed, and his shouted exploded from the pressure buildup. Suddenly, he stopped and danced to accordion music that was really loud. Then he took out a basket and made it into a moldy casket which leaked like a gasket although it seemed elastic; so I rowed my boat to Nantucket and saw this shell in bucket that sang like an ugly Muppet. Isn't it suprising that those things are puppets? Made out of furry carpet? "NO MORE RHYMES," bellowed Senorita, whipping out a margarita, and my name is Rita Repulsa from the Mighty Morphin Power Rangers, who eats pitas because I am a Gothic Lolita who raped Harry Potter and Mickey Mouse on the same day because they are imaginary and oh so revolutionary and fluffy. I wonder why QuizQuick decided to excrete air and go to the county fair to glare and fell into despair because the sooth sayer predicted that he'll marry Jane Eyre and everyone can burn copies of The Eyre Affair by Fforde's mere qui a perdu son pere who soon realized speaking French was not his forte and started learning Yiddish. I wanted a pet kangaroo who purred while its eyes blurred and it’s fur would choke people I don't like and make them slur while speaking Yiddish to me. Horrified, I decreed that logisticslord got a C+ on his calc test. So logisticslord decided to defect to Mongolia, and plucked a magnolia, ate it, and fell into a coma, and that is a cause for enigma. Angelina Jolie tried to wake him but he had died!!! He was buried in a deep dungeon keep and forced to eat moss and sleep on rats and was awakened by brats who owned giant cats that ate them all and became fat and were bitten by gnats that they got from the frats and by sitting on mats, they meditated under an olive tree, contemplating the trivialities and questions of the thetan that dwelled within the great spire of the mansion of Methuselah.
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