| abstract | - Subtitle: New material at the request of Patzy Notes from the author: Date: The file on my computer in which this story is saved is dated October 25, 2005 as the date of last modification. Inspiration: I wrote this story in response to a post by Patzy-EarthenRing at approximately the date given above in a thread I no longer remember on the official Earthen Ring Realm Forum at forums.worldofwarcraft.com; the thread presumably contained complaints about being killed by other players while flagged for PvP. My file quotes the post as saying: WARNING, Not-Exactly-In-Character: Although written in an In-Character style, the story exists purely for humor purposes and is not intended to be taken as binding roleplay or as something that actually happened within any In-Character context whatsoever. Derivative works should only be made if they also remain Not-Exactly-In-Character. Please see the "Out-Of-Character Notes" heading in Cogitatus regarding PvP Battlegrounds. So I'm coming into Alterac Valley with a shipment of Hallow's End materials ready to put up decorations around the base and bunkers for the large holiday party I was going to surprise everyone with when I see all these Horde fighting in our half of the valley. So, I help push you guys back to the lake when I realize that nobody had bothered to notify me about the flames pouring out of the windows of the first bunker I was going to decorate. Here I am trying to help create a festive mood and you hordelings have to go and set the place on fire. These decorations are made out of paper! They burn easily! Not to mention that I can't set up any snack tables in there cause the fire will melt the chocolate, and really, chocolate should melt in your mouth, not on the table! Don't they teach you anything about the culinary arts in Orgrimmar? Lordaeron, at least should still have books on catering presentation, and they should tell you that no foodstuffs should be set on fire unless they were specifically designed for it! I didn't have any flambe dishes planned! AT ALL! So, we push you back out to the Field of Strife. Thinking that you had finally gotten the message, I go back to base to decorate whatever hasn't been ignited, yet. /target horde /glare ...and when I come out, I see all of you causing such a ruckus right on our bridge and just trying to barge your way in! Really, I know I was trying to surprise people with the party, so I admit that you didn't have time to politely ask for an invitation ahead of time, but all you had to do was be civil, stand there, "/wave" at us, be on your best behavior, and we'd have let you in. Well, I'd have let you in, Elderstone would need some convincing to let you join the party. Then I have to deal with no less than three pyromaniacs trying to set the north bunker on fire! What!? One wasn't enough for you? Gee-freaking-whiz! ...AND you knocked over the snack sandwich and o'duerve tables! Do you know how long it took me to cook all of that? I just barely managed to save the candy corn! ...and then, like all of the above wasn't enough, your Wind Riders show up to join in the pyromania! Now, while I'm grateful that they weren't trying to set the bunker on fire, I'm considerably less appreciative of the fact that they tried to set me on fire, instead! Burning dinner to a crisp is not normally desirable, burning the caterer to a crisp considerably less so. Not setting caterers on fire should be in the same books on catering presentation, in the chapter immediately following the discussion on not setting most foods on fire. I also noticed that the Wind Riders liked to blow things around. A lot. Outdoor decorations are supposed to be put up in calm weather! Dwarven bunkers are very hard to decorate as-is just because of the architecture; strong winds make it even harder, and your damn birds were going at it like spastic tornadoes and knocking over all the jack-o-lanterns! I had to throw 8 dozen frostbolts at them to convince them to cut it out! So, finally, I realize I need to get you to leave, but of course, you won't listen. So, I run across the bridge, spam a few Arcane Explosions, and hope you'll get the picture... and you kill me! Unbelievable! I try again a few more times, running up to you, Exploding to get your attention and get you to go away, and you kill me again! ...and again! I was only running into the middle of you guys spamming Arcane Explosion to get you to leave! All you had to do was take... a... hint! Finally, I just had to give up, take my snacks and unhung decorations, and just go home. This'll be the last time I try to bring some holiday cheer to Alterac Valley. I hope you all enjoyed yourselves, partycrashers.
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