| abstract | - In a world where global space agencies are run by incompetent nitwits and all objects lie in virtually the same orbit, NASA has taken the Space Shuttle out of retirement and is repairing the Hubble Space Telescope a second time. Generically named astronauts Ryan Stone (Bullock) and Matt Kowalski (Clooney) are joined on the mission by several other bit characters whose names neither the director nor the audience care about. Stone is a criminally incompetent PTSD case who cheated her way through astronaut training with appeals to pity over the "freak playground accident" of her daughter. Kowalski, the mission commander, is a graduate of Upper New York Pickup College and has a self-published book available on Lulu.com, Bang Space: How To Pick Up Chicks In Low-Earth Orbit. With no warning during the mission, Russia decides that space is overrated and creates a deadly debris field that will render space inaccessible for centuries and which flies on a newly invented "half the orbital period as low earth orbit" trajectory, pummeling everything in its way every 90 minutes. The remainder of the shuttle crew are killed, forcing Kowalski to switch his pickup strategy from Negging to White Knight as he gives her instructions on how to reach the international space station, how to use a wrench, and how to tie her shoes. After reaching the space station and finding no workable return capsule, Kowalski inexplicably kills himself, leaving Stone on her own to try to reach the "Chinese Station," which apparently is its official name. On the way, there's nonstop action thanks to spinning, heavy breathing, floating, talking to nobody, and more thrilling breathing. Without Kowalski present to walk her through everything, she quickly gives up and attempts to join Kowalski by turning off the life support system, but thankfully hallucinates him so that he can tell her to read the manual. Then there's more spinning, floating, and heavy breathing, plus some falling, oh, and for some reason a Greenlandic fisherman with a radio that can communicate with orbital spacecraft, and then a joyous return to earth and the soul-crushing monotony of living a meaningless life without her dead daughter.
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