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| rdfs:label | - Uncyclopedia:Pee Review/Penis penis Penis penis penis penis Penis penis
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| rdfs:comment | - I've always thought this article is funny, purely through the fact of its existence, but the writing was always a letdown. I've tried to give it some actual content beyond just swapping buffalo for penis. 21:35, August 18, 2010 (UTC)
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| Mcomment | - Most of this review I have dedicated to being a critical bastard, but then again I am a critical bastard, so it always helps to play to my strength.
I think there is potential to turn what is at present a mediocre article into a fantastic one. I don't think that can be done by watering down the concept - I would rather see a longer penis exploration.
I hope that I have penetrated deeply enough into this article.
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| Pcomment | - Okay, given the topicality this does need some significant work done for it to read as a dissertation on a grammatical oddity written by the hand of a student of the English language. It must be free of spelling mistakes, grammatical errors and clunky language.
Having said that, a McDonalds car park is probably one of the worst places to be when trying to spell check something on a mobile phone with a clunky browser. So I'll confess that I haven't. What I did notice is that I had to re-read sections of this a few times over. And yes, part of that is deliberate, but part of it is just poorly written. The Buffalo article doesn't suffer from the same issue.
I would suggest now that you have strong sense of the concept and the source of humour to try and rewrite sections to read smoother.
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| Icomment | - Honestly I struggled with the images. I feel if the sentence structure actually showed the sentence structure it would make the meaning of this clearer, and given that's the source of much of the humour would be my preferred way to go.
The cutaway image of the penis itself looks like someone found a funny image of a cutaway of a penis and stuck it in a hole where it didn't really fit.
I have someone that looks like Cloud falling asleep on a bench next to me. Not related to this review, but I thought I'd point it out.
The image of the clock tower and the fantastic entendre behind it is a highlight in this section, and a similar image for Penis University would also work well in here.
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| Ccomment | - Just got distracted by a Kairi in white lace stockings. Where was I?
So in short this article needs not only to be a great parody, which it is, it also needs to be funny of it's own accord, which it falls short on.
Now onto the French bit, which with absolutely no knowledge of the history of this article, I'm assuming is the additions that have been made. I like them, but I feel it detracts from the original thrust of the penises. It goes from the exploration of a grammatical oddity into the description of a typical French town that has an unwanted tourist problem, and then back to the original article. It blends in poorly, despite being well written, and gut feeling suggests that it really belongs as an article of it's own accord, although obviously linked in here.
Now beyond that, I'd suggest the article needs re-writing to make it stand-alone funny. Taking in more of the original article and subverting that would be an option.
Also remembering something relating to a parody history of the brassiere I once read about where characters were named "Phillip de Brassiere" and "Otto Titzling" that has since been accepted to an extent as factual information. By adding more of a fictional human element here there is more of an opportunity for humour.
Reworking some of the text that you have in there to get more out of the jokes would be preferred. In the intro for example is:
"Don't trouble trouble until trouble troubles you." With a penis.
Would work better in my mind as:
"Don't fuck fuckers until fuckers fuck with you."
But I agree that there is promise in this, but it needs work.
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| Fcomment | - I don't hate it with the firey passion of 1,000 suns.
I have to go. I just realised the advantage of a convention that encourages long legged red heads to wear stiletto heels and short tartan skirts.
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| Signature | - PuppyOnTheRadio/sigsmall (Saturday, 03:35, Aug 21 2010 UTC)
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| abstract | - I've always thought this article is funny, purely through the fact of its existence, but the writing was always a letdown. I've tried to give it some actual content beyond just swapping buffalo for penis. 21:35, August 18, 2010 (UTC)
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