| rdfs:comment | - Tottenham Hotspur are a footballing side who first originated from Middlesex (subsequently North London when the boundaries changed in 1987). They have always been in the shadow of Arsenal FC. In one hundred years of the FA Premier League's existence, it has been empirically proven that Tottenham Hotspur (often referred to by their largely brainwashed fan base as 'Spurs') cannot complete a league season above the position of fourth. They are widely renowned for having won the UEFA Champions League an outstanding zero times. Some believe that this is due to the fact that a previous coach, the Dutch rapist Martin Jol and dietitian Gus 'Pubehead' Davidson, insisted that the team were fed a diet of Asda own-brand lasagne, which is of questionable quality but supposedly very good value for mone
- Tottenham Hotspur are a North London team with a spectacular history of underachievement and disappointment, despite winning numerous honours during their existence. The club are noted for their attractive and free flowing type of football that usually leaves them in tenth position with a minus goal difference of 27. Spurs’ decline officially began with the sale of Glenn Hoddle in 1987 and was confirmed with the loss of Gary Lineker in 1992. Since then they have never finished higher than tenth and have ruined many players’ careers, including Chris Armstrong and Sergi Rebrov.
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| abstract | - Tottenham Hotspur are a footballing side who first originated from Middlesex (subsequently North London when the boundaries changed in 1987). They have always been in the shadow of Arsenal FC. In one hundred years of the FA Premier League's existence, it has been empirically proven that Tottenham Hotspur (often referred to by their largely brainwashed fan base as 'Spurs') cannot complete a league season above the position of fourth. They are widely renowned for having won the UEFA Champions League an outstanding zero times. Some believe that this is due to the fact that a previous coach, the Dutch rapist Martin Jol and dietitian Gus 'Pubehead' Davidson, insisted that the team were fed a diet of Asda own-brand lasagne, which is of questionable quality but supposedly very good value for money. It is believed that due to budget constraints, old pieces of lasagne are reheated at meal times toward the end of the playing season, forcing a further drop of the teams already questionable form via a widespread bout of food poisoning. On top of all this, they are perhaps best known for being Arsenal's hugely unsuccessful arch-nemesis. In over a hundred games against Arsenal, they have managed to beat the so-called Goons an overwhelming total of nil times. This is supposedly a result of fielding their 'world class' players. Of course, this would never have been possible if it wasn't for their former manager, Harry 'Bacon Face' Redknapp - which is exactly why he was eventually replaced by Portuguese tramp and former gay porn star/prostitute Andreas Feather-Boa.
- Tottenham Hotspur are a North London team with a spectacular history of underachievement and disappointment, despite winning numerous honours during their existence. The club are noted for their attractive and free flowing type of football that usually leaves them in tenth position with a minus goal difference of 27. Unlike Newcastle United however, Tottenham can claim to have won every domestic honour and some European trophies, although the majority of this occurred between 1961-84. Amazingly they were the first side to do the double in the 20th century, although the novelty of this distinction was lost when Manchester United, Liverpool and Arsenal all did the double six times each from 1986 to 2004. Spurs’ decline officially began with the sale of Glenn Hoddle in 1987 and was confirmed with the loss of Gary Lineker in 1992. Since then they have never finished higher than tenth and have ruined many players’ careers, including Chris Armstrong and Sergi Rebrov. Mired in a continual losing culture, Spurs have somehow won the League Cup now and then, usually by fielding a full strength side against the oppositions Under 15’s. They haven’t beaten Manchester United since 1981 and can be expected to lose 3-0 to Chelsea and Arsenal at least twice a year. Spurs invariably start the season either rooted to the bottom of the table in a desperate relegation struggle or claim top spot for a week, leading opposition managers to claim ‘I think we’ll see Tottenham finish in the top four this year’. In both cases Spurs end up finishing tenth claiming next year ‘is their year.’ Spurs actually have had some quality sides in their history, but these were mostly in a period when Liverpool won every honor for 17 years, leaving Spurs nothing but a Charity Shield to share with Aston Villa. Unlike Newcastle’s ten managerial periods of failure with Kevin Keegan, Tottenham have made a habit of recruiting different failed managers on a regular basis. These include Christian Gross, George Graham, Ossie Ardiles, Gerry Francis, Juande Ramos, Jacques Santini, Glenn Hoddle, Ron Atkinson, John Bond, John Toshack, Bora Milutinovic and Ivan Golac. The 2010 side under amiable punter Harry Redknapp continues to toy with their fans emotions, winning several matches on the trot then falling to Wolves, Stoke and Colchester United in consecutive weeks. The current 2012 side have proved to be even more pathetic and are undoubtedly the ultimate conclusion to the endless parade of promising, but ultimately futile and fucking shit Spurs teams. Somehow the team conspired to throw away third place and a 40 point lead over fourth placed Arsenal and now languish behind both the Gunners and fellow mediocre, terminal flops Newcastle United (in an unrealistic fourth place). Tottenham are largely expected to finish 6th and lose all their stars over the summer and resume life as anonymous mid-table obscurities at the start of the 2012-13 campaign in two weeks time. Spurs also have a hall of fame, which includes genuine legends like Pat Jennings, Danny Blanchflower and Bill Nicholson. The 2009 inductees were Darren Anderton and Steffen Freund. All inductees are to be described by pundits as 'top, top players.'
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