| abstract | - ...pfft, c'mon now, do any of you retards actually believe that shit? We all know his ego is so unimaginably big that he simply can't resist kissing his own arse one final time. So, here is a list of all the stuff that will happen in Moff's final episode:
* Peter Crapaldi will give about 20 billion monologues that will try to convince the intended audience that there's any depth in the writing, so they can create shitty 200x350 JPEG posters with those monologues typed over in Script MT Bold.
* Clara will come back... Trust me, I really don't want that to be the case either...
* River will return and do all that really unconvincing melodramatic "Hello Sweetie" stuff even though in every other one of her scenes ever she's a complete hot woman who exudes the charisma of a cougar in heat.
* Missy will attempt to lez River because Moffet has a fetish for sadistic middle-aged lady porn.
* Yet another reference will be made to the fact that Time Lords can change genders because "OMG GUISE SOCIAL PROGRESS <333333333333".
* Ayyme will make a cameo, while Rory will be completely forgotten yet again.
* The "we used to weep but don't really anymore" Angels will reappear, as they always fucking do.
* The Daleks will return in yet another crap story with no passion or love behind it, and will be ridiculed and embarrassed despite once being feared by everyone ever in Classic Who and the RTD era and causing almost causing the destruction of the Doctors' home planet.
* The Cybermen will be sidelined yet again.
* Layers upon layers of continuity dumping to distract Classic fanboys from the atrocious script quality with shiny things.
* Yet another convoluted storyarc.
* Lame plot twists, likely involving a character turning out to be someone else after endless foreshadowing.
* They will pretend the 12th Doctor is all dark and edgy and shit yet still have him doing all that Doctor Disco midlife crisis crap.
* Whether or not the Doctor killed the guy in Deep Breath will never be mentioned.
* The dialogue will be really unconvincing and unnatural with characters trying desperately to sound deep and poetic instead of sounding real.
* Osgood will make a trendy reference to the fandom.
* There will be yet another visit to America because "we totes have to appeal to them guise, innit?"
* Another Classic Who villain will be ruined.
* It will be painfully tonally inconsistent and have no idea who it's supposed to be appealing to.
* The Doctor will die syke not really haha.
* Retcons, retcons galore.
* Wibbly-wobbly, go die in a fire.
* He may either A) Think of a shit concept and execute it shittely or even worse, B) He'll think of an absolutely awesome untapped source of storytelling potential before gutting it of any decency.
* The Doctor will regenerate into something that will increase the diversity quota, but instead of just casting a non-white man or a man from Ireland or Wales, he will regenerate into a British lady or a Scottish lady, because as far as the BBC are concerned, God forbid that the Doctor ever become black or Welsh!
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