| abstract | - Cooper nervously chuckled. "They should be arriving soon, in three separate buses." "Oh," he added, "They don't know that this season takes place here, so, uh, expect some... mixed reactions." After a short awkward pause, he looked at the camera and asked, "So, what's your favorite element? Mine is Magnesium. Its atomic number is twelve, and--" A bus pulled up, interrupting Cooper, and he grinned. "Alright! Let's find out who's arrived." He walked through a set of double doors, then another set of double doors, and another. Cooper reached the main entrance. "Don't touch my hair!" a voice shrieked. "I just wanna check if it's a weave," another replied. Heather angrily stomped out of the bus with Leshawna following behind. Leshawna folded her arms. "I know a weave when I see one, and that does not look like real hair." "I got extensions, okay?" Heather admitted. "Go away." Cooper greeted, "Heather, Leshawna, nice to meet you." Heather rolled her eyes, "Yeah, yeah." Leshawna shot a glare at Heather, then a more compassionate glance to Cooper. "She's just mad 'cause I know she got fake hair." "... Right," Cooper nodded. "I'm heeeeere!" Izzy sang, skipping out of the bus. She rushed over to Cooper. "Hi! Are you Chris's cousin? I know Chris! I was in three seasons, so, me and Chris are like, really close." Cooper joked, "Closer than two electrons in a chlorine atom?" "Sure, whatever," Izzy grinned. Tyler emerged from the bus, hesitantly waving. "Hi." He turned around, revealing Noah, and the two seemed to be attached back-to-back. Heather blinked. "What the..." Cooper squinted. "I don't even..." "It was Izzy," Noah and Tyler simultaneously said. Leshawna looked to Izzy with her hands on her hips. "Girl, will you ever stop?" "Stop what?" Izzy asked, hiding a bottle of glue in her skirt. Tyler tripped over the stairs on the bus, sending both him and Noah to the ground. Noah grunted. "I thought you said you improved your coordination!" Tyler rubbed his head. "I don't even know what that means!" Gwen stepped off the bus with a chocolate chip cookie in one hand, and her luggage in the other. "Where'd you get the cookie from?" Cooper curiously asked. DJ followed behind her, wearing an apron, and carrying a tray of freshly-baked cookies. Gwen gestured to him. "That answer your question?" "Dig in!" DJ smiled. Tyler grabbed a cookie and nearly took a bite. "Ahem," Noah coughed, irritated. Tyler mumbled, "Oh, sorry." He turned around to let Noah take a cookie, as well as the others. "This cookie is off the chain!" Leshawna complimented. Heather nibbled on it, then smiled, impressed. "Not half-bad." Cooper, chewing, asked, "How'd you make this on the bus? I mean, it's not like there was an oven to heat them up." DJ thought, then said, "Well, you guys know how hens keep their eggs warm...?" Everyone stopped chewing and immediately spit out anything they had in their mouths. "Taste fine to me," DJ shrugged, happily eating another cookie. Cooper, still recovering from the cookie trauma, noticed, "Hang on a moment, there should be eight of you. Who's missing?" Harold, breathing heavily, stumbled out of the bus with his luggage. "Why did I pack so much?" he regretted. DJ walked over to Harold and lifted a bag for him. "I'll help you out." Harold panted. "Aw, thanks, DJ." Cooper waved. "Harold! Welcome!" "Why are you wearing a lab coat?" Harold noticed. "All in good time, young pupil," Cooper assured. Heather's eyes widened. "Pupil? This isn't school, is it?" Cooper shook his head. "No, no, it's not school. Believe me. I quote Chris, 'That's totally lame and typical.' Let's just wait for the next bus, shall we?" Two to three minutes later, the next bus arrived. Angie calmly exited the bus and opened her mouth to say something, then stopped. "What's wrong?" Cooper noticed. Angie pointed behind her, and everyone gasped. Timothy, now with red highlights in his long hair, wearing a fully black and blood-red outfit, stepped off the bus with a scowl. Cooper stuttered, "Your... Hair... Body... What happened?!" "Lil' tiff with the 'rents," Timothy answered, picking his nails. Leshawna whispered to Gwen, "Even I don't understand what he just said." Timothy sighed. "My parents and I got into a little argument. Better?" "Much," Noah nodded, still attached to Tyler's back. DJ walked to Tyler and offered, "Lemme help you with that." He extended his arms to pull Noah off, but Noah panicked, "Wait, DJ, I don't think this is a very good--" DJ tugged to try and pull Noah off, and he grunted. "That's some tough glue." Finally, a loud snapping noise was heard, and DJ yanked Noah off, but sent him flying into the bus. "Idea," Noah finished, laying face-down in front of the bus's doors. Valerie carefully stepped over Noah and waved. "Hello, people." "Valerie! I see you've changed your look," Cooper addressed. She smiled, then looked at Cooper. "The lab coat is a bit drab, but it works." Cooper frowned and adjusted his collar. Ivy confidently stepped out of the bus, and tripped over Noah. "Ow!" Noah and Ivy shrieked together. She stood up and dusted herself off, then snapped, "Why were you in my way?" "Oh, I'm sorry. Everyone, make way for Queen Ivy!" Noah replied, rolling his eyes. Ivy shot a glare at him and stood beside Angie. Timothy laughed, "I see you haven't changed a bit." "Can't say the same for you," Ivy retorted. "What are you, a wannabe Billie Joe Armstrong?" Timothy sneered and looked away. Mordecai stomped out of the bus with his hands over his ears as Brendon followed. "I can't believe I voted you off last time!" Brendon regretted. "You're such an interesting person!" Brendon grinned while Mordecai forced a half-smile. Mordecai nodded, "Right." "So..." Brendon added, "How about you--" Mordecai groaned. "For the last time, I left my wand at home!" Brendon frowned in disappointment and moped over to Cooper. "Hi." "Hello, Brendon," Cooper greeted. "And Mordecai." Mordecai waved. "What's up?" "The atmosphere," Cooper replied, pointing upwards. Mordecai paused. "Um, right." Sydney eagerly exited the bus, carrying luggage in both hands. Harold's eyes widened as Sydney walked down the bus's steps in slow-motion. Her brunette ponytail bounced delicately as she set her bags down and smiled. "Hi, everybody!" Harold stuttered, "H-h-hi." He quickly snapped out of his mini-trance, and looked at Leshawna. "O-M-G," Sydney suddenly shrieked. "You were like, my favorite contestant on the show!" Harold gasped and grinned, but his smile faded as Sydney rushed behind him to Noah. Noah gave Sydney a strange glance. "Uh, thanks?" "Please don't be another Sierra," Heather groaned with her hands on her hips. Sydney shuddered. "Oh, gosh, no." "A little help here?" a voice called from the bus. Brian stumbled off the bus carrying an enormous bag of luggage. Cooper looked at Brian, then Harold. "... Deja vu." Brian fell off the bus and Cooper noticed, "What's with the new look?" "Ugh, my parents didn't like how I acted on the show and made me transfer to some stuck-up all-male prep school," Brian muttered, struggling to lift his fallen luggage. Tyler frowned. "Aw, dude, that sucks." Brian fell, again, and Cooper noted, "That's the end of this bus. One more and we're ready to head inside." "What exactly are we doing this season?" Gwen suspiciously asked. "Chris never mentioned yet." Heather joked, "I hope it isn't something as lame as movie genres. That season was horrible." Leshawna laughed, "Oh, c'mon, it wasn't all that bad. Remember that nasty wig you wore?" The three girls laughed and Gwen chuckled, "Good times, good times." The eight contestants from Total Drama Stardom awkwardly shifted around, pretending to be busy with their luggage. "Is there a confessional I can vent in?" Ivy irritatedly asked. "All in good time," Cooper hushed. "We still have eight more players." The final bus screeched to a stop. The first person to exit it was a tall blonde female carrying mostly pink luggage, wearing a necklace that read "KAREN." Cooper sarcastically asked, "Karen?" "Oh my gosh, how'd you know?" Karen gasped. Heather whispered to Leshawna, "Lindsay's been replaced." Karen walked to the group of contestants and waved. "Hi! I'm..." She turned to Cooper. "What did you say my name was?" Most of the contestants let out some quiet snickers as Cooper replied, "Karen. Your name is Karen." "Oh, okay," Karen smiled. "He says I'm Karen. He's really smart, I bet." Ivy walked up to Karen. "Okay, I can't take this. Are you mentally ill?" Karen smirked. "No, but those pants seem to be. Call me when you have a real wardrobe." "Wait, what?" Ivy stuttered. "But... you... your name..." Karen folded her arms. "I'm an actress. I usually don't break character this early, but that was too hard to resist." Sydney nodded to her in approval as Ivy slowly walked back to her luggage. The next competitor, wearing a black bowler hat and a neon pink shirt, waved. "'Sup?" "What's with all the pink?!" Brendon panicked. The competitor looked at Brendon and gasped. "Dude, you're huge." Brendon insecurely looked at himself. "What?" "Er, hello, Russell," Cooper interrupted. Russell walked over to Cooper and offered a high-five. "Up top!" Cooper blinked and looked away. "Yeah. Hi." Russell disappointedly put his hand down and dragged his luggage to the group. "Not a high-five guy. I see how it is." "Wait, wait, wait, I'm next!" a high-pitched voice shrieked from inside the bus. Within seconds, a tall female staggered out into view. "Hi! I'm Annabel!" she introduced. "I just have to say, I'm like, really stoked to be here, and I think this'll be a really fun experience!" Cooper walked to her. "Annabel! Welcome to--" Annabel quickly asked, "Why are you wearing a white coat? Are you a doctor? My dad's a doctor. He's a pediatrician, actually. That's basically a doctor for kids." "Um, okay," Cooper uttered. "That's... that's nice." "I know, right?" Annabel began. "It's really cool that--" Cooper clamped his hand over her mouth and nervously asked, "Maybe we should get the next contestant out?" A dark-skinned male with a large afro jumped off the bus with his luggage. "Hello, Jamal," Cooper said, still covering Annabel's mouth. Jamal worriedly looked at Annabel. "Um, hi." Leshawna's eyes widened. "Mmm..." Harold gasped. "Leshawna!" "Huh?" Leshawna dazily turned to Harold. "What? I told you a while ago, Harold. We're over with." "I was just making sure," Harold quickly stated, sneaking a glance at Sydney. Noah noticed and whispered, "She's beyond out of your league. She's a 9, and you're in the negatives." Harold grimaced and looked down. A girl wearing a sequinned baby-blue dress with a large sash strutted out of the bus. "Lexi!" Cooper greeted warmly. Lexi sneered. "I can introduce myself, thank you very much." Cooper, annoyed, gestured to her. "Fine. Spotlight's on you." "As always," Lexi winked. "Anyway, I'm Lexi, and--" Timothy pointed to her. "What's with the sash?" Lexi snapped, "Don't interrupt me!" Timothy folded his arms as Lexi resumed, "I've won tons of beauty pageants, as you can tell by my sash and dress." "Actually, I thought you were just crazy," Angie admitted. "Me too!" Izzy nodded in agreement. Lexi's confident expression dropped. "This is hopeless, you people are a terrible audience." The next competitor was a boy, wearing a simple green T-shirt and carrying luggage. "Hi," he shyly waved. Cooper, who by comparison seemed to be excessive in his introduction, greeted, "Peter! How are you?" "Fine," Peter answered. A short moment passed and Cooper asked, "... Did you enjoy the bus ride?" Peter shrugged. "It was a little long." Another moment passed and Cooper gestured to the group. "Well, go on." "Um, okay," Peter said as he advanced to the group of contestants and set down his luggage. After another fifteen seconds or so, Cooper pointed to the bus. "Next person...?" The girl stepping off the bus gave the competitors a smile. "And, please welcome, our second-to-last contestant, Brenna!" Cooper introduced. Brenna stood next to Gwen and Heather. Heather squinted. "You kind of remind me of someone." Gwen also noticed, "Yeah, you do." "Is that a good thing?" Brenna asked. Heather shrugged, and Brenna put her hands in her pockets. The final contestant was a male, wearing a green polo shirt. Cooper began, "And, last but far from least, it's Trevor." "I should have been first," Trevor said, "But Peter thought it would be a good idea to 'compare' luggage, and it all fell out." Peter frowned. "I wanted to make sure I was up to date!" Valerie assured, "Don't worry, you are." "Anyway," Trevor continued, "Yeah. I'm Trevor. Whoop-de-doo." Cooper grinned. "Awesome. We're all here. Let's go inside." Cooper lead the twenty-four teens through the countless sets of double doors. "You really like these doors, don't you?" Sydney asked. Izzy hopped through the windows in them. "I know I do!" Finally, they reached the main room. "This is my laboratory!" Harold gasped. "This is amazing!" "This is beyond dweebish," Timothy corrected. Cooper ordered, "Okay, hush everyone, season-explanation time. This season takes place here, in my very own laboratory. Every week, as challenges, you guys will have to test out my latest invention. The team that does the worst will be sent to elimination, which I call, Patenting Ceremonies. The contestant that does not receive a test tube needs to walk through the Double Doors of Shame, and take the Teleporter of Losers back home!" Ivy coughed. "How about that confessional...?" "Oh, right," Cooper remembered. "This season, the confessional is in..." Noah crossed his fingers. "Please don't say bathroom, please don't say bathroom, please don't say bathroom..." Cooper scratched his head and shrugged. "I never really thought about it. I guess I'll just put it in a bathroom stall." Noah: (confessional, spraying the entire area) You're the best, Cooper. Really exceeded my expectations. Jamal: (confessional) I mean, it could be worse. The confessional could be in a cave full of rabid ferrets that have been secretly plotting against the human race. (shrugs) Valerie: (confessional) I miss the RV. Tyler: (confessional) Confessional in the toilet? That's three seasons, man! Even though I didn't really use it the first time... "And where are we supposed to sleep?" Trevor asked. Cooper pointed to three doors behind him. "Right over there. Each team will sleep in their own room." Mordecai folded his arms. "What are the teams?" Cooper grinned. "Remember the people you came in the buses with...?" "What? No way!" Gwen complained. "Me and Heather on the same team for the fourth time?" Valerie jerked her thumb toward Ivy. "I'm not dealing with this creature again." Cooper blew a whistle. "Shush! Alright. Tyler, Noah, Izzy, Gwen, Leshawna, Heather, DJ, Harold, you guys make up Team Veterans." He turned to the right. "Sydney, Brian, Mordecai, Ivy, Angie, Valerie, Brendon, Timothy, you eight are the members of Team Stardom." "Wait, why do they get to be veterans?" Ivy complained. "We've been in a season already, too." Heather pointed out, "This is my fourth. You guys are like, freshmen and sophomores, and we're juniors and seniors." Ivy mumbled, "You sure look like a senior." Heather gasped as Cooper moved on. "And our third team, Team Newbies, consists of Trevor, Lexi, Brenna, Peter, Jamal, Annabel, Karen, and Russell." "Newbies?" Karen frowned. "A little harsh." Cooper added, "Also, each team will have someone... 'coaching' them. I'm the main host, but consider these coaches as assistant hosts. Please welcome, the coach for Team Veterans..." Chris kicked open the double doors and bowed. "Thank you, thank you, please hold your applause." "I thought we had finally gotten rid of you," Leshawna sighed. Chris narrowed his eyes at her as Cooper continued, "And for Team Stardom..." Caitlin walked through the double doors, waving. "Hi, guys." Chris coughed, "Loserteamcoachsayswhat." "What?" Caitlin asked, puzzled. Chris began laughing, and Caitlin shook her head. "You're so mature." Cooper finished, "Finally, for Team Newbies, we have..." Curmi entered, and Timothy quickly hid behind Valerie. "I didn't do anything that you can prove!" "Relax, Timothy," Curmi said, "I'm off-duty. Wait... Timothy?" "We've been over that," Timothy scowled. Cooper pointed back to the rooms. "Anyway, unpack and relax for a few minutes, then meet me back here." The teams rushed to their rooms, which had four sets of bunkbeds, two on the left, and two on the right. "Top bunk!" Brian yelled. Mordecai shrugged and set his luggage underneath Brian's bunk. Angie and Brendon suddenly bumped into each other. Brendon suggested, "Winners' bunk?" "Sure," Angie smiled. Sydney examined the room and complained, "The walls here are so drab." Ivy, Valerie, and Timothy all glanced at her, and Ivy declared, "I'm not bunking with her. That leaves..." Timothy winked and said, "I'll get top bunk." Ivy: (confessional) Who's idea was it to assign the teams by season? Ugh. All I know is that this season, I'm making it to the end. And if someone dares to get in my way... (makes a throat-cutting motion) Team Newbies entered their room. Russell walked over to a bunk and said, "I got top bunk! If... that's... cool with you guys." "Sure," Trevor smiled. "Maybe we can bunk together." Russell stuttered, "Oh, um, wow, awesome!" Trevor: (confessional) Desperate alliance member? Check. Karen set her luggage down beside Annabel. Annabel asked, "So, bottom bunk, or top?" Karen put her hands on her hips. "Do I know you?" "I'm... Annabel," Annabel hesitantly replied. "I'm on your team." "Oh, okay, then," Karen smiled. "Sure." Karen: (confessional) This should be fun. Jamal pointed to a bunkbed and gestured to Peter. "Bunkmate?" "I remember my bunkmate from summer camp," Peter reminisced. "I was on the top bunk. It collapsed and he ended up being in a coma for weeks." Jamal uneasily suggested, "Maybe you should be the bottom bunk, then." Heather entered the room, and Gwen passed by her, accidentally bumping together their suitcases. Gwen suddenly paused. "Total nostalgia moment." "I know, right?" Heather added, shocked. Leshawna plopped down on a bottom bunk, and Harold offered, "I'll be your bunk-buddy!" "Harold, we...," Leshawna began, but then shrugged. "Ah, what the heck? Go ahead." Harold squealed and jumped on the top bunk. Noah and Tyler both approached the same bunkbed, and Tyler attempted to jump on the top bunk, but slipped off and crashed into Noah. Izzy grinned and jumped on top of them. "Moshpit!" DJ: (confessional) I hope Cooper can let me man the kitchen this season. The past three seasons taught me three things. Never make illegal alliances with crew members, never trust a fish with a fancy Egyptian symbol, and never underestimate the power of Mama's Spice. The teams all exited their rooms and entered the main laboratory again. Cooper, Chris, Caitlin, and Curmi all stood before them, and Cooper grinned, "Who's ready for their first challenge?" "We just got here!" Brenna complained. Chris chuckled, "That's how Total Drama works. Walk in, socialize for ten minutes, then it's challenge time." Cooper asked, "So, anyone want to guess what my very first invention was?" "The toaster?" Brendon asked, hopeful. "No," Cooper coldly answered. "My first invention was... Well, actually, you'll see." He pointed to a chamber with a large white sheet draped over it. Trevor raised an eyebrow. "That isn't sketchy at all." "Everyone, enter the suspicious-looking box!" Chris ordered. As Angie walked inside of it, she looked around. "This reminds me of a giant port-a-potty." Lexi cringed. "I think I just lost my appet--" Lexi was interrupted by the door of the chamber closing everyone in. "Hey!" Tyler shouted, pounding on the walls. "What the heck?" "It's way too crowded in here," Heather noticed. Sydney grunted. "Whose hand is this?" Harold blushed. "Oh, sorry." "Don't worry about it being too crowded," Caitlin giggled. Cooper laughed, "You guys'll have plenty of space in a few seconds." Leshawna pursed her lips. "They're laughing. That ain't good." Cooper slammed on a button, and Curmi removed the sheet covering the chamber. The chamber began glowing and whirring. A few seconds later, the glowing and whirring ceased, and the chamber door opened. "Did it work?" Curmi asked, poking his head inside. Cooper pointed to the base of the chamber. "Yep." He grabbed a magnifying glass, and saw the twenty-four contestants, except they were the size of ants. "What the (censored) did you do to us?" Timothy snapped. Mordecai shook his head. "But... this is impossible!" Cooper laughed, "Nothing's impossible in Cooper's laboratory." Chris whispered something in Cooper's ear, and he nodded. "Oooh, good idea." He turned to the camera and signed off. "We've got twenty-four bite-size contestants, who are all ready to compete for the million dollar prize. But you'll have to wait unti lthe next episode to find out how they get themselves out of this not-so-microscopic dilemma!" Caitlin whispered to Chris, "Oooh, he's good." Chris whispered back, "I guess it runs in the family." Cooper ended, "Tune in next time, to see who wins, who loses, and which unlucky contestant gets to take the Teleporter of Shame first! All on this exciting season of Total! Drama! Lab Rats!" As the credits began rolling, a deleted scene played beside it. After the contestants had gotten settled into their rooms, Jamal and Peter began to wander around the laboratory, and passed by a table full of test tubes. Feeling mischievious, Peter began mixing a few of them together, until the concoction exploded in his face. Jamal gasped. "Dude, your eyebrows are gone!" Peter panicked. "What? No! I can't be eyebrowless! I'll lose all of my modeling contracts, and I'll be living on the streets as a pretty-faced hobo!" "Okay, overreacting much?" Jamal said. "Hang on." He pulled a black permanent marker out of his pocket and made two abrupt marks on Peter's forehead. Peter looked at his reflection in a beaker and smiled. "Wow, that looks perfect!" "That's just one of the benefits of being animated," Jamal winked, as the screen faded to black.
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