| abstract | - Kenosha was a planet in the Expansion Region, known for its cliffs.
- Kenosha was founded in 200 BC when the Ancient Wal-Mart tribe conquered Billy Joe's shack. A few days after they seized control, the Wal-Martians left because the area was already backwards and smelled funny. The natives, when they realized Wal-Mart had left, settled in the region and became known as the wisconsinese. Although nicknamed the "Kenosha Kid" early in his career, Orson Welles found the city so embarrassingly dull that he denied being born there. The earliest models for the film set of Xanadu in "Citizen Kane" originally included renderings of a large Kane family crest over the vast mantle piece emblazoned with the motto: "Kenosha, Boring for All Seasons." Apparently, this was later cut for budgetary reasons, though there is one background paper in the opening newsreel stating: "Midwest Plagued by the Curse of Kenosha." No one knows for sure the reason for the director's animosity. Another famous Kenosha native is Dale Destruction, but being Dale Destruction has never really left Kenosha in quite some time only people in Kenosha know this. Back in his early childhood (around 1842) Dale was banished permanently to Kenosha by a band of angry Eskimo gypsies when he stole their eyeliner. Dale did this because he ran out of his corpse paint (you had to grid up a corpse to make it, and the local grave robber union 666 was on strike) and had a gig coming up in a few hours. When the Eskimo gypsies learned what he had done, Dale had already returned to Kenosha. Latter in Kenosha a huge battle erupted between the clan of Eskimo Gypsies and Dale’s clan of ninja vampires. In the process this caused the annihilation of two factories that held the majority of Kenosha’s economy, one producing underwear and the other car parts (no one really noticed the underwear factory until after road construction season when they needed new long johns). When it seamed all was lost for Dale and his ninja vampires, (even after Dale had used his Jedi mind control trick on the Eskimo Gypsies), Vic Vacuum and his Viking clan from Chicago saved the day. But they were only concerned in preventing the destruction from going to Milwaukee and destroying their beer supply, so once Vic Vacuum left the Eskimo Gypsies were able to place a curse on Kenosha, being Kenosha would eternally be stuck with Dale’s cruel dictatorship forever. He latter went mad and had numerous Kenoshians impaled with Snap on Tools and poured their blood into their globe fountain. Latter the people of Kenosha bought him a cheese burger; he calmed down, got a public access station, and ran for some government position.
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