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  • You Don't Mess with the Zohar
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  • The movie begins with Moshe (Adam Kadmon), a Mossad agent, on vacation at a Tel Aviv beach, attracting several women and capturing the attention of every beach-goer with his wisdom of the esoteric teachings which define the inner meaning of both the Tanakh (Hebrew Bible), as well as his extensive knowledge of traditional Rabbinic literature. As he finishes a discussion on the Halakha, an Israeli Defense Forces helicopter arrives, stealing him away from his presumed well-earned vacation.
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abstract
  • The movie begins with Moshe (Adam Kadmon), a Mossad agent, on vacation at a Tel Aviv beach, attracting several women and capturing the attention of every beach-goer with his wisdom of the esoteric teachings which define the inner meaning of both the Tanakh (Hebrew Bible), as well as his extensive knowledge of traditional Rabbinic literature. As he finishes a discussion on the Halakha, an Israeli Defense Forces helicopter arrives, stealing him away from his presumed well-earned vacation. During a subsequent briefing, Moshe agrees to participate in a mission of recapturing a key Hollywood terrorist (known only as "the Madge"). Going undercover, Moshe takes a job at a hairdressing and beauty salon on Santa Monica Boulevard called "The Sexy Sephiroth", frequented by many of Hollywood's leading A and B list celebrities. Over time Moshe infiltrates the group, attending movie premiers and official book launches. Just as he is about to confront the Madge directly his cover his blown by a former member of the Golden Dawn. Moshe manages to utilise his skills in beating a large number of minnions, confining their eternal souls to the pits of the Qliphoth. Moshe attacks the Madge in her secret lair, but even his hightened powers prove to be ineffective against the talismanic power of her red string bracelet (available for £29.99 from all good Kaballah Stores). Just as all seems lost Moshe realises that her power only functions within the Malkuth of Asiyah (the World of Action), whereupon he calls upon the Archangelic forces of Beri'ah (the World of Creation) who kick her butt.