| rdfs:comment | - Jolt Cola was originally developed and marketed by scientist and zombie statesman Benjamin Franklinstein after he was hit by lightning while flying a metal kite tied to his bicycle. After being rushed to the hospital, he thought to himself, "Hey, wouldn't it be great if that rush of heart-stopping energy could be crammed into a soda bottle?" While Franklinstein was eager to get home and begin experimentation, the shock of the electrical blast caused his head to explode, and it wasn't until almost a hundred years later, in late 1985, that mad scientists were able to collect all the pieces and resuscitate his body so he could resume work. Even then it still was over a year before a loophole (see legality) was discovered which allowed him to actually mass-produce and distribute the potent con
|
| abstract | - Jolt Cola was originally developed and marketed by scientist and zombie statesman Benjamin Franklinstein after he was hit by lightning while flying a metal kite tied to his bicycle. After being rushed to the hospital, he thought to himself, "Hey, wouldn't it be great if that rush of heart-stopping energy could be crammed into a soda bottle?" While Franklinstein was eager to get home and begin experimentation, the shock of the electrical blast caused his head to explode, and it wasn't until almost a hundred years later, in late 1985, that mad scientists were able to collect all the pieces and resuscitate his body so he could resume work. Even then it still was over a year before a loophole (see legality) was discovered which allowed him to actually mass-produce and distribute the potent concoction. Franklinstein himself continues to remain active in the distribution and marketing of the beverage, including the creation of new flavors. However, there has been concern recently over how long he will remain in this position: While the aging scientist has managed to retain a surprising vitality considering that he is over two hundred and ten years old, the recent death of his close friend and physician, a former physicist by the name of Dr. Đùşśąŀəĥøæß (who has himself been involved in certain controversial energy-drink studies) means that it may not be possible to revive him again – a particularly dark boding, especially when combined with the Doctor's recently failing health. On the bright side, marketing analysts have predicted that even if Franklinstein were to die, it would not have a strong negative effect on sales. A recent article in the Wall Street Journal claimed that it might actually allow the company to have sales in the first place, but Franklinstein was, at the time, unavailable for comment.
|
